Married men on Tinder

[notthetinderswindler]

I've been single for a while and signed up to various dating apps, not really relevant but just to give a bit of background.

Scrolling through Tinder and I came across the profile of a man I know who is married to a woman I am acquainted with and see occasionally. They have children and have been together a long time.

So my question is, do I somehow let her know that her husband on there presumably with the intention of being unfaithful? Having been lied to in the past many, many times by my ex, if I was in her situation I'd want to know. Or do I pretend I've never seen it and stay quiet?

My opinion of the man in question is probably clouding my judgment - he's generally a very dishonest person in business (fraud, tax evasion, etc.), manipulative and a liar. I do not like him.

I'm not sure if his wife stays with him because he provides them with a nice lifestyle but only manages to do so because of his shady behaviour. She might already know what he's like and turn a blind eye?

WWYD?

@Lonelygal22

Why can’t he fulfil his needs? Polygamy is on the rise and for good reason.

Polygamy is only possible when both partners know it's happening.

Otherwise it's just plain old fashioned cheating.

HTH.

I’m sure his wife would rather he got it out of his system than he miserable.

If my partner was 'miserable' with me I'd rather they broke up with me than fuck other people behind my back tbh 🤷🏻‍♀️

you say what?

Yeah see the thing about marriage is its actually not a good thing for someone to 'put themselves first' usually the idea is to work together mutually for both peoples happiness.

And I'm pretty sure most women would prefer their husbands didn't make them miserable by cheating on them.

If you actually think this is how your wife thinks, if you are even married, then I feel very very sorry for her and hope she gets her ducks in a row and ltb very soon.

What the fuck have I used read?!

WTF?

Please screenshot and tell them. I wish someone had had the guts to tell me my ex was cheating. I might have had the confidence to leave sooner... Instead I stayed with him 16 years, had 2 kids and discovered 3 affairs (that I know of). Two year of therapy later and I'm still struggling with it all (not the cheating so much btw but how he destroyed me).

You say, 'if I was in her situation I'd want to know'. Me too.

I definitely think you should tell her, and show her a screenshot. Tinder is a very public forum, so by going on Tinder the husband has announced to the world his search for another woman. He's not keeping it secret. If you'd seen him on a niche site for consenting adults, that might be another matter.

If the couple are poly, she can laugh it off and tell you so. In all likelihood, it seems she is being publicly humiliated as well as cheated on. She deserves to know.

All this talk of polygamy – nah, he’d have mentioned it in his profile if that was the case. It’s some married bloke after some extra marital nookie. Thousands of them on the apps.

“So my question is, do I somehow let her know that her husband on there presumably with the intention of being unfaithful? ”

Not exactly answering your question but, I’d swipe right on him and say “hi Steve, fancy seeing you on here. How’s Janice and the kids doing?”

Then block.

He’s not going to mention that you’ve matched on Tinder – certainly not in front of his wife anyway.

He’ll never know if you’ve said anything to her.

If he speaks to you privately about it, just smile.

Let him stew in the juices of his own conscience.

I know a nurse who is knowingly married to a drug importer. He's only said their professions are opposite ends of the spectrum. But she has 3 kids in private school so I guess she doesn't care. No idea if he cheats or not. But anyway in your shoes I'd screenshot, make up an email account and send it pointing out there's lots of things he cheats at.

Let her know. If she doesn't care, being told won't bother her. If she does care, she can get rid of him.

She's an acquaintance you see occasionally, it's possible they've recently split and he's on tinder. I wouldn't get involved

Polyamory. It’s polyamory. Polygamy is illegal in the UK.

‘Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What the fuck have I used read?!’

Also what on earth was said here?! I have to know 😂

She’s not a close friend-I would mind your own business. You aren’t the moral police

Do nothing
she’s not a close friend for starters
and the messenger always gets shot

Since the pandemic this place has been absolutely crawling with men pretending to be female posters who flock to threads like this to tell women that we are old fashioned, deluded or just plain mean for not being cool with men shagging around.
They give themselves away every time.
As if the man the OP is talking about is polyamorous on Tinder without that being in his bio ffs. Get a grip 😂
OP tell his wife. She deserves to know who she is lying next to every night.
And if she actually knows then she won't have a problem being told.

Yep, I would and will tell in that situation.

I had a similar call from someone I didn't know two weeks ago. I am telling my H tomorrow (ducks in a row and all that) that I know and that I want a divorce.

If she hadn't told me, I wouldn't be free of his misery.

She can do what she wants with the information but that's her call.

Is there a chance it’s an old profile that hasn’t been deleted? I’m married, and clearly haven’t used the app in years but don’t think I ever figured out how to delete my profile so could also be on there without knowing!

There are loads of married men on OLD. Some of them mention that their wives know (one linked to her profile,) or state that they are poly, and I've seen a couple who were on as a joint profile, so then you know what is on offer.

But the vast majority, their wives don't know, and they're out to cheat. Some of them will mention it when you chat- some of them fail to ever mention it...

I've not come across a profile of anyone I know- I am not sure what I'd do if I did. It would probably depend who it was and how well I knew them. I recently heard about an acquaintance who has got divorced, which made me realise I often don't know many people as well as I once did.

Stay out of it. Its tinder, he is not trying to keep it a secret, obviously.

Married men in their 40s and beyond are rife on every dating app i go on.

Seriously unbelievable and not even ashamed of it. Always the same line "not looking to rock any boats or wreck marriages. Happily marrie, love my wife and kids, just looking for that something extra, a partner in crime for some illicit fun! Discretion paramount".

These guys are mainly fathers, married a while, to the whole world look like a normal husband and dad.if he wanted to keep it a secret or be discrete there are niche websites for that. Tinders public, she probably already knows.

Can confirm there are so many married guys on tinder and other OLD sites.

I don’t think there are many if any poly men on Tinder who don’t mention being poly in their bio.

You always mention it in your bio so as to be honest with people who might want to contact you. It’s very very not cool to hide it.

Why do people constantly feel the need to involve themselves in other peoples business? It has absolutely nothing to do with you. You have no clue what their situation is and if you aren't close enough to her to know, then you probably aren't close enough to her to be dropping this bombshell on her.

I hate the not getting involved in other peoples business line but this has only changed recently as a close friend has been infected with HIV by her supposedly loving husband. She is critically ill and it has come out that a lot of his friends and families were aware of his multiple affairs and said nothing. His children are facing a future without their mum and it is indescribably painful.

user1471462428

thats a horrible tale
but in this case the op is an acquaintance merely
not a close friend or family

so I’d say not really comparable
and , I really truly am sorry about your friend
what a horrible mess

Screenshot and send anonymously. Then it's up to her what she does.

If my partner was on a dating website, I'd want to know about to so I can make an informed decision on the situation. It's unfair to allow someone to waste their life on a cheat.