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Original poster

Married men on Tinder

80 replies

notthetinderswindler · 05/07/2022 14:20

I've been single for a while and signed up to various dating apps, not really relevant but just to give a bit of background.

Scrolling through Tinder and I came across the profile of a man I know who is married to a woman I am acquainted with and see occasionally. They have children and have been together a long time.

So my question is, do I somehow let her know that her husband on there presumably with the intention of being unfaithful? Having been lied to in the past many, many times by my ex, if I was in her situation I'd want to know. Or do I pretend I've never seen it and stay quiet?

My opinion of the man in question is probably clouding my judgment - he's generally a very dishonest person in business (fraud, tax evasion, etc.), manipulative and a liar. I do not like him.

I'm not sure if his wife stays with him because he provides them with a nice lifestyle but only manages to do so because of his shady behaviour. She might already know what he's like and turn a blind eye?

WWYD?

OP posts:
Lonelygal22 · 05/07/2022 15:15

bloodyplanes · 05/07/2022 15:14

Are you on something?

Show quote history

Don’t be so quick to judge

Hotchox · 05/07/2022 15:16

I'd leave it if I were you. Do you get women's profiles on Tinder? If not, then for all you know his wife might be on there too?

SirenSays · 05/07/2022 15:17

Lonelygal22 · 05/07/2022 14:57

Usually? How many marriages are you out to wreck?

Show quote history

They wreck it themselves when they decide to hit on me while they're in a monogamous relationship. It's written very clearly in my profile I have no time nor respect for cheaters.

cafcass123 · 05/07/2022 15:20

If I was in your position, OP, I would base my decision on what to do based on what I know about the wife. If I didn't know her that well, I would not say a word because - as you say - she might know about it.

Lonelygal22 · 05/07/2022 15:20

cafcass123 · 05/07/2022 15:20

If I was in your position, OP, I would base my decision on what to do based on what I know about the wife. If I didn't know her that well, I would not say a word because - as you say - she might know about it.

I’m glad someone else is finally seeing sense.

Vallmo47 · 05/07/2022 15:23

I would let her know that someone might have stolen his identity and using it on Tinder. I wouldn’t get involved past that, but she deserves to know as much. It’s likely him but at least you’re discreet and pretending not to think like that. What she does with it is her decision after all.

Cryme · 05/07/2022 15:28

I don't get why, if the wife knows and is happy with an open relationship, it would be an issue for her if you mention it?

cafcass123 · 05/07/2022 15:30

There might be things couples do that they don't want the rest of the world to know about.

HollowTalk · 05/07/2022 15:30

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😀😀😀😀😀😀

yellowsmileyface · 05/07/2022 15:31

Cryme · 05/07/2022 15:28

I don't get why, if the wife knows and is happy with an open relationship, it would be an issue for her if you mention it?

I was thinking this.

I don't understand the people who are saying "I'd just leave it. They could be poly". Well if they're poly then she knows about it already so there's no harm in notifying her about it just in case?

OP as you mentioned yourself if you were in her situation you'd want to know, so I'd tell her. Perhaps send her screenshots anonymously so you don't get personally involved and she can do with that information what she wants.

quietnightmare · 05/07/2022 15:31

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Are you the husband on tinder ?

nbrown2022x · 05/07/2022 15:33

Is there a possibility that they could have separated recently? If you know someone who is close with her, just speak to them, send a screenshot and ask to remain anonymous. Or if you're ballsy, just tell her yourself. I'd expect someone to tell me regardless of the relationship status.

nbrown2022x · 05/07/2022 15:34

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Politely, get fucked with this comment 🤣

FOJN · 05/07/2022 15:56

I thought he of the principles of ethical non- monogamy was that there were no lies and everyone was honest with each other. Even if his wife knows what he's up to his profile should make it clear he is married so that other women can decide if they want to meet or get involved with someone already in a commited non monogamous relationship. If the profile doesn't make that clear then I would assume his marriage is not of the ethical non monogamy sort.

It's difficult to know how to deal with this information. I would want to know if I was the wife but the truth will do damage however it's delivered.An anonymous screen shot might be an option but I don't think I would send it via a third party and I wouldn't tell anyone else about this. If you know the woman well enough I would be inclined to tell her face to face but accept that if she decides to do nothing with the information she will never speak to you again.

Oceanus · 05/07/2022 16:02

I would only let her know if I could do it anonymously like send the link via email or sth but I wouldn't show my face because she either knows and wants to carry on pretending not to know, or maybe she doesn't know and the bearer of bad news will take the blame.
I would tell her only because of STDs and the like as he seems to lack common sense, otherwise I'd stay out of it. Not my DH, not my problem.

Libertybear80 · 05/07/2022 16:13

It's crap if he's cheating but it's not your business op.

ShirleyBadass · 05/07/2022 16:13

If you're just acquainted with her, I would approach a closer friend of hers and mention it to them to mention to her.

All too often loads of people know what's going on apart from the person at the centre of it who should know, and when you find out, it really hurts that people kept it from you.

Palmfrond · 05/07/2022 16:19

Better to let her know (I’d do so anonymously but offer her some way of getting back to you if she wants, ie a burner/anonymous email account) than be walking around with this information because you know, sooner or later, you will be having a drunken conversation and it will slip out and boom! into the rumour mill it goes, and that’s worse.

Heytheredeliah · 05/07/2022 16:27

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What a load of nonsense. He should not be disrespecting his wife by messing about with other women on tinder. If his wife knows and allows him to do it then fine I guess. I'm sure his wife would NOT rather he slept with other women!

frozendaisy · 05/07/2022 16:33

If you bump into her you could say that she might want to look at "screenshot" as someone might be using her husband's photo you just don't know

notlongtoo · 05/07/2022 16:35

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Speedweed · 05/07/2022 16:35

I'd tell the wife, not even anonymously. I'd send screenshots by email, and say perhaps she's aware already but you don't want in on your conscience, and that you're not going to mention it to anyone else, so you're leaving it with her.

It's not your job to keep his/ their secrets, and even if they have some sort of agreed open relationship, that's doesn't mean they're happy to have everyone in their acquaintance knowing that - tinder isn't exactly being discrete.

Palmfrond · 05/07/2022 16:50

ShirleyBadass · 05/07/2022 16:13

If you're just acquainted with her, I would approach a closer friend of hers and mention it to them to mention to her.

All too often loads of people know what's going on apart from the person at the centre of it who should know, and when you find out, it really hurts that people kept it from you.

I wouldn’t do this, no. This is how the whispering starts.
OP Don’t delegate this shitbomb to someone else to deliver, and really as you’re only an acquaintance there’s no friendship to be ruined, as seems often to be the way.

Palmfrond · 05/07/2022 16:53

@Speedweed It's not your job to keep his/ their secrets, and even if they have some sort of agreed open relationship, that's doesn't mean they're happy to have everyone in their acquaintance knowing that - tinder isn't exactly being discrete.

Exactly, it’s him who’s popped up on your tinder. Take a leaf out of the little kids’ book of discretion; say what you see.

FloydPepper · 05/07/2022 17:00

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This is one of the most ridiculous posts I’ve seen for a long time.

and thats a high bar…

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