Ex spoils kids rotten and I can't keep up

[summersbysea]

I had a difficult breakup and didn't get nothing out of it as it was council rented and had two kids with him 5 and 7.
He used to stay out and just wasn't interested in being their father and im pretty sure he was seeing someone and was always out drinking, clubbing like a 16 yr old.

Anyway he's embraced islam and changed his name. But I think it's a trick to hide from the system.
He dodges maintenance and is hard to locate and doesn't give his details. Since he's a tradesman he's started working abroad in them Arabian, across eastern Europe type countries and where I don't know.

And when he visits he takes the kids and spoils them rotten staying with them in high end hotels and what not in London. I can't even afford the bus fare into town ! But he's minted as he is a quality builder.

Then he leaves them with me in my council property in a rough area where I am struggling to make ends meet.

He's still their dad and I want them to know him. But they keep asking me for things now..like the latest toys etc they cry and always say they want to go with him

He even says to them if u live with me all the time u can have everything. At wits end now this manipulative nasty piece of work. I bet the religion stuff is a fake just to get matey with his business partners he's got.

It’s all material. No emotional connection with him.

make your emotional connection strong with them. That’s priceless x

You tell them you can’t afford it because there is just you to pay for the their home, food, electricity and clothes. Turn their attention to fun cheap things you can do.

Kids aren't daft; they may enjoy the trays but they know who provides the fundamentals and emotional support. My ExH was a proper Disney dad at first but soon tired of it and DC's are no completely estranged from him due to the fact he is actually just a shit father at heart and has not provided the support they needed

This is only a part time thing for him to splash his cash on them.

Presumably he doesn’t see them much?

Kids aren't daft. They know who is there for them when they fall and hurt themselves, when they are tired or poorly or upset.
Don't try and compete. Just surround them with calm consistent love.

He is playing abusive mind games on his own children. If you feel a threat, lock away your dcs' passports and consider talking to a solicitor about preventing them from being removed from the U.K. Be aware of any extreme religious influence. Be very cautious.