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Original poster

Do I ask him if the date is on or leave it?

79 replies

Sundaycoffee · 30/06/2022 20:41

Online dating, been chatting for a week or so. We agreed to meet Friday, but no more specific plans made. Said we would work out where shortly. He messaged me on Monday saying he was looking forward to seeing me Friday, I said me too.
We've had some sort of communication each day. I sent him a message last night with a question and didn't get a response, this is the first day i havent heard from him. Do I message again asking if the date is still on tomorrow?

OP posts:
dudsville · 01/07/2022 15:51

I never played by the dating rules, which have some sounds advice, but I think given that you messaged and he left it hanging and then replied with this I would leave it for now. He needs to show an interest, and he just may not have that enough from online dating chat, so it might never transpire, but there's no love lost this early in the game.

AmJustDone · 01/07/2022 15:55

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 01/07/2022 15:35

A deal closing at work? At night time? Give over.

Why? I was still signing documents at 2am this morning for a deal that was meant to close yesterday at 10am. And more documents are coming through.

Not saying he's not full of it but depending on where you work it's quite possible

DiamondBright · 01/07/2022 16:04

Why the assumption on here that all men who do OLD are married?

In my experience there are lots of single men who mess women around on OLD, use chat for an ego boost, wank fodder etc.

ZaphodDent · 01/07/2022 16:05

Just to throw this in..."deal" sounds like sales. Many sales organisations are targeted by quarters. Yesterday was the end of Q2. Will be lots of people working hard yesterday and also today, especially if they cover US, to close the quarter out.

Nameandgamechange123 · 01/07/2022 16:06

Don't play games. Just ask him outright. If he's not decent enough to answer, forget about him. Don't let him waste your time wondering and hanging around. That's my advice. 😊

imaworrier · 01/07/2022 16:07

My partner of now six and half years was like the this, we had planned to spend a day at a Christmas festival and it came to the day and I hadn't heard from him. I messaged him to ask if we were still on and he said yes and that he was just fixing a car for somebody. We did end up going, really late but still went. I'd say text him, do it casually but I don't see the harm. If he doesn't respond then you know the deal!

Shitscared123 · 01/07/2022 16:26

Is this the same guy who switched off his notifications?? I think you were given good advice on that thread…

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4570784-old-gave-me-his-number-then-didnt-reply

JingsMahBucket · 01/07/2022 16:28

Woowaa · 01/07/2022 15:49

Oh God, it gets worse. This just screams bullshit TBH.

Show quote history

What? This post just screams you don't know how certain sectors of business work. Plus, it's July 4th weekend in the USA so of course people are working hard to get a business deal done before offices close in a couple hours.

I swear so many people on MN are so paranoid to the point of stupidity.

hotcoldnotsold · 01/07/2022 16:51

Sundaycoffee · 01/07/2022 14:42

So he messaged me: he can't do tonight due to a deal closing at work so might have to work late. He's asked to reschedule. Not sure whether to bother though

I would just reply to say you'll leave it to him to reschedule. Then delete his number (to avoid drunk texting) and move on. If he's indeed keen he will be in touch to firm up a concrete date and you can then go on it and see what he's like.

My ex did do this tbf. He cancelled day of saying he'd just finished overtime on shift and was knackered. Asked to reschedule. I told him fine, left ball in his court and deleted him in annoyance. A week later he got back to with a date, time and venue and I reluctantly agreed thinking everyone gets one free pass. Well it was a great first date and we ended up together for 2 years. Turns out he really was tired from his shift, and didn't want to make a crap first impression. And hadn't realised how close he was to never seeing me again.... Not every guy will be like this, so wait and see how keen and enthusiastic he is about a reschedule. In the meantime, don't think about him or get your hopes up.

Whitehorsegirl · 01/07/2022 16:55

Sorry but he is a time waster and you should not message him again.

It should not be that difficult to arrange a first meeting...

Even if he was to contact you now it would be rude of him to leave it to the last minute and to have ignored your message.

It is showing laziness and that your time is not valued and appreciated.

Online dating is full of men like that. Either they lied in they profile (married, used someone else's picture or much older and so on) and never had any intention of really meeting you face to face or they are messaging several women and a ''better option'' became available for that day so he cut contact with you.

DatingDinosaur · 01/07/2022 18:21

Sundaycoffee · 01/07/2022 14:42

So he messaged me: he can't do tonight due to a deal closing at work so might have to work late. He's asked to reschedule. Not sure whether to bother though

I'd reply and say something along the lines of "Sounds like you've a busy life and lot on your plate at the moment and not much time for anything more than a penpal at present, so it's probably best we just leave this here. All the best."

girlmom21 · 01/07/2022 18:29

@JingsMahBucket if you work in relevant industries you know that and don't plan a date for tonight

Eeejjj · 01/07/2022 19:55

By the lack of planning & the ignoring your question, to his excuses - it just sounds like he had no intention to meet with you in the first time. Delete & on to the next.

KittyKittyKat · 01/07/2022 20:25

If he’d said this after you’d made actual plans, I’d say give him another shot.

But he didn’t confirm any details, didn’t lock in a date and then bails. If he wanted to see you, you would have had a time/venue confirmed and then he’d be very apologetic and suggesting actual dates to reschedule.

I’d leave this one in the sea.

Girliegirl83 · 01/07/2022 20:58

Sometimes advice on here is just so stupid. He has asked to reschedule for a genuine reason. I rescheduled my first date with my dh. Fortunately he didn't post on mumsnet. Dread to think what he'd have been told.

Shitscared123 · 01/07/2022 21:01

@Girliegirl83 based OP’s previous and recent thread on, he’s a time-waster.

Autienotnaughtie · 02/07/2022 02:26

I'd have just said "ok no worries " then left him to get in touch.

Monty27 · 02/07/2022 02:46

I hope you have better plans made now and if he does text tell him just that.
Too late! Busy now!
And make it real.

WGACA · 02/07/2022 03:06

Having OLD’d for a long time now, I just reply ‘no worries, thanks for letting me know’ then move on.

JingsMahBucket · 02/07/2022 05:06

girlmom21 · 01/07/2022 18:29

@JingsMahBucket if you work in relevant industries you know that and don't plan a date for tonight

Shit happens. He may have been brought in on another deal at the last minute.

mnnewbie111 · 02/07/2022 06:36

The fact people don't understand that some (my husband) regularly close deals late into the night is so ignorant. Just because you don't do it it can't possibly happen, right? Businesses buying businesses in different time zones etc. my husband works from home so he's not using it as an excuse to not see me, I know he's working late into the night sometimes. The way you guys go from 0-100 makes me sad. Some people here have been so hurt in the past they instantly assume everyone is a dick. Poor things, there's nice guys out there

Eesha · 02/07/2022 07:21

@Sundaycoffee I think the key was he didn't message your back for a while. He might have been trying to fit in a better offer or his communication style is just different to yours. I've done several years of online dating and in these circumstances I would just sit back and watch whether he makes more of an effort to reschedule/plan. If he's still slack, don't bother but keep your other options open.

missbriteside · 02/07/2022 07:25

Ive been working on deals that have gone on late this week (and across time zones) especially with it being quarter end and US holiday weekend - I’ve had to cancel plans with friends as things busier than I thought and hardly replied to anyones messages (including my partners).

Id just reply sorry to hear that, hope you get it signed off. I’ll leave it up to you to suggest an alternative date, time and place. Then just chat to other people as a back up

Aprilx · 02/07/2022 07:37

I have worked in multinationals for many years and it is entirely possible that you might need to work late because of something going on in a different time zone.

But here I smell a rat, the lack of response during the week and then the last minute urgent deadline, very convenient for him. I would forget about it now.

drlel · 02/07/2022 07:40

Dominoz · 30/06/2022 22:11

Hmmm... what about if he's concerned about choosing venue. Giving the benefit of the doubt here.. could be looking for direction? Though if he instigated the date he should follow through really.,

And it doesn't explain why he hasn't replied it her last text asking him a question.

If someone wasn't texting me back I wouldn't be interested in a first date in the first place, let alone chasing for one.

I'd be taking the lead making my mind up it wasn't happening and if he did get in touch I'd be telling him that as I hadn't heard from him I'd made other plans

Ps this is all dependent on how long he's ignored your last text for

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