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Original poster

Do I ask him if the date is on or leave it?

79 replies

Sundaycoffee · 30/06/2022 20:41

Online dating, been chatting for a week or so. We agreed to meet Friday, but no more specific plans made. Said we would work out where shortly. He messaged me on Monday saying he was looking forward to seeing me Friday, I said me too.
We've had some sort of communication each day. I sent him a message last night with a question and didn't get a response, this is the first day i havent heard from him. Do I message again asking if the date is still on tomorrow?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 30/06/2022 20:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

nowaydudde · 30/06/2022 20:44

I'd wait presumably he will get in touch to arrange date.

Rainbowqueeen · 30/06/2022 20:44

Nope.

Sounds to me like he is married and using your chats as an ego boost. Even if he’s not, don’t you want someone who is so keen to meet you that he makes a firm plan

PurpleDaisies · 30/06/2022 20:44

Sorry, just reread realised that no actual specific plans have been made. You could message about the arrangements…you need to know if it’s for tomorrow.

springsally · 30/06/2022 20:53

It's a tricky one. Odd that he hasn't replied to your text (and rude) I'd probably leave it and start making a plan b for yourself for tomorrow.

Misstes · 30/06/2022 21:00

I'd leave it, the fact he hasn't replied yet says it all really.

Suprima · 30/06/2022 21:02

This is is a well known test to see how desperate you are to go out with them

do not contact him

when he contacts you, or if he contacts you because you technically failed the desperate test- you say you’ve already made plans as you didn’t hear from him. And move on.

hotcoldnotsold · 30/06/2022 21:13

Don't message. You asked him a question, he hasn't responded and hasn't even discussed where/when. I would make other plans. I suspect he lined up a few dates and will only get back to you depending how today's date has gone. Nothing wrong with multiple dating, except he should still be courteous and respectful of your time. Such late notice (if there will be any) isn't a good first impression.

Didimum · 30/06/2022 21:19

Once I made vague plans with a guy for a date on a Thursday evening. Didn’t hear from him all week. Was out late on the Wednesday night and text him at midnight asking if we were still on. We were. He’s now my husband. Text him.

Aubree17 · 30/06/2022 21:20

No. Especially since he didn't reply to your last text.

Dilemmaemmaaa · 30/06/2022 21:20

Awww hate hearing things like this ☹️ I bumped into an ex recently and he was so lovely, I didn’t want to restart anything but just went to message to say it was nice to see you again a few days later. I wasn’t sure of his number now so thought I’d message on Facebook as we used to message on there. When I read back a few of the messages from above I was horrified 🤦🏼‍♀️ There were so many clear signals that he was just a total waste of time, hot and cold, silence then 4 messages in a row then silence again. I was cringing at myself for wasting all those years chasing after him basically thinking it was a mutual thing. For him to then bump into me and be all nice like he hadn’t played games with me for years. Technology makes things way more complicated these days but it’s really simple, if someone is into you, they’ll message or call. They’ll check you’re still on for the date, they’ll get back to you. Don’t message, as much as you’ll want to and if you’re anything like me you’ll be sitting an outfit out in case he messages tomorrow but don’t message. Leave it and see, if he’s a time waster you’ll know straight away

Dilemmaemmaaa · 30/06/2022 21:22

Didimum · 30/06/2022 21:19

Once I made vague plans with a guy for a date on a Thursday evening. Didn’t hear from him all week. Was out late on the Wednesday night and text him at midnight asking if we were still on. We were. He’s now my husband. Text him.

Oh you’ve thrown a spanner in the works now 🤷🏼‍♀️😂

Eeejjj · 30/06/2022 21:22

Personally, I wouldn't. If he messages you tomorrow then fair enough, but I wouldn't go chasing after someone who didn't make solid plans and the fact there weren't solid plans in the beginning maybe shows that he wasn't very keen or serious xx

girlmom21 · 30/06/2022 21:24

If you want to go on the date just ask him. No game playing. A straight up, reasonable question.

There's plenty of reasons he might not have replied to your message.

Original poster
Sundaycoffee · 30/06/2022 21:28

Suprima · 30/06/2022 21:02

This is is a well known test to see how desperate you are to go out with them

do not contact him

when he contacts you, or if he contacts you because you technically failed the desperate test- you say you’ve already made plans as you didn’t hear from him. And move on.

I get what you're saying but I don't feel desperate to go out with him, it's more I just would prefer to know now rather than tomorrow so I can organise my weekend. Is that seen as desperate just asking if plans are still going ahead?

OP posts:
Ilosthim · 30/06/2022 21:54

No, no and no. You sent him a message.... if he was keen and interested there is no way he would ignore the message, especially if it contained a question which kinda prompts a reply!

Leave it. Balls in his court.

alwaysmovingforwards · 30/06/2022 22:01

It's less than 24hrs, I'd make other plans and if he gets in touch say "ah sorry, didn't hear from you so I've made plans now, another time maybe".

Dominoz · 30/06/2022 22:11

Hmmm... what about if he's concerned about choosing venue. Giving the benefit of the doubt here.. could be looking for direction? Though if he instigated the date he should follow through really.,

puddlesofmothers · 30/06/2022 22:15

I can't see what you've got to gain by messaging again.

No answer is as answer as they say. Move onto the next match.

Sandra1984 · 30/06/2022 22:17

I would sent him a short quick message: "Hiya, are we on tomorrow?". What is there to loose? Maybe something happened, maybe he had an emergency, a work situation etc... Not every mans life spins around their online dating (and that's a good thing). You also need to plan your Friday ahead of time. If this guy is not available you have a plan b so I would ask him not later than tomorrow lunch time.

If he ghosts you then now you know he was not human but a ghost so good riddance. Next!

PurpleSproutingSomething · 30/06/2022 22:21

I honestly don't think it's some test about how desperate you are, I would just drop him a message like "just seeing if you're still up for tomorrow" and take it from there.
It's not all a big game like some on here would have you believe.

DatingDinosaur · 30/06/2022 22:26

I would text him – “Hi, did you get my last message? Are we still on for tomorrow? If I don’t hear from you by [whenever] I’ll assume not”.

He might not have got the message (tech goes wrong sometimes). He might be playing games (so you set a deadline to hear from him by). If he gets in touch great. If he gets in touch after that deadline full of apologies and excuses (his cat's mother's budgie's uncle's died) tell him you made other plans and don't bother rearranging.

Sandra1984 · 30/06/2022 22:31

No you don't come out as desperate, you come out as a normal person with a life who likes to plan her weekend because if he's not available you have a plan b you would like to pursue.

LonelyInAutumn · 30/06/2022 22:37

I've had this happen to me and usually no response is a response. You've only been talking for a week-ish so you're not losing anything. I wouldn't message again as guys like the ego boost from the attention

WheekestLink · 30/06/2022 22:46

No no no. Do not send another message. I would make other plans and if he does message tomorrow finally, by busy.

Take back the power.

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