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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What do you think about this message I've received?

62 replies

Weirdmessage · 30/06/2022 07:33

I've just received a random message on Facebook, what do you think about it?
I have been married to my husband for 4 years and we have a 4 year old and a newborn.

What do you think about this message I've received?
OP posts:
Trixiefirecracker · 30/06/2022 07:35

Just spam. Ignore!

Shiningstarr · 30/06/2022 07:36

I don't think that's just spam. Well, how can you be sure? I would investigate further.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 30/06/2022 07:38

I wouldn't reply.

But, I would look through your DH facebook messages, without telling him.

Hopefully it's nothing, but no way could I just brush this off.

Robin233 · 30/06/2022 07:39

I had this.
And so did my friend - she was going through a cancer scare at the time. Her dh was beside himself with worry and then they got that.
Ignore - used ti be called chain letters before the internet.

MiniPiccolo · 30/06/2022 07:40

I'd check. I'd also be looking for a burner phone in his car/car boot/spare bag/work bag/drawers. Just to rule it out.

Mumsnet likes to say "if you don't trust them the relationship is over", which to be honest is bollocks. How many people 'trust' their cheating partners? All of them at some point.

Only a very naïve person wouldn't check, just to rule out that it might be true.

FAQs · 30/06/2022 07:40

Unless you have any grounds to think it might be the case, I’d ignore it. Have you showed your husband?

Trixiefirecracker · 30/06/2022 07:41

It’s spam, honestly.

Workinghardeveryday · 30/06/2022 07:41

Most lightly spam, but I would still have a sneaky check!

GreyCarpet · 30/06/2022 07:43

Honestly? I love and trust my boyfriend but I'm not an idiot.

It may be spam but I'd probably look 🤷🏻‍♀️ or, at least, I say, "Look what I got today!" and his response would tell me everything I needed to know either way.

KookaburraSit · 30/06/2022 07:43

Fact that they're saying cheeting boyfriend as opposed to husband suggests they don't know your situation well. Has his behaviour changed recently?

LeuvenMan · 30/06/2022 07:44

Do not open or click on it. Probably a phishing link which could compromise your FB account.

GreyCarpet · 30/06/2022 07:46

I'd expect a similar response from him too if he received similar.

Yes, I'd feel sad that there was even the slightest doubt but I'd also understand his need to protect himself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Weirdmessage · 30/06/2022 07:57

I was thinking spam because I have no reason not to trust him.
We work in the same building (when I'm not on maternity leave) and know each others colleagues. He leaves and gets home at the normal time, he's never late. He very rarely goes out not as a family, if he does its with friends I know and he messages on and off throughout the night checking I'm alright and don't need him, and so I know when he's likely to be home (just because of me being alone with the kids, I don't expect him to message at all!).

OP posts:
Original poster
Weirdmessage · 30/06/2022 07:58

Pressed post too soon.
He also isn't secretive with his phone / tablet / laptop at all and we know each others passwords.

OP posts:
Namechanged454 · 30/06/2022 08:18

If this were me, I'd probably first assume spam. However, I'd sit with my boyfriend and say "look I received this Facebook message, I obviously don't believe it but just so I don't overthink, can I please take a look at your messages?". If he's got nothing to hide he'd hand it over without a second thought x

lobsterkiller · 30/06/2022 08:19

I had FB for a very brief period. I got a message telling me to ask what your Dean has been up to.

I don't know anyone of that name.

Have a conversation with him, but I suspect its shitposting for the sake of causing anxiety.

Fridaysgirl17 · 30/06/2022 08:21

I got a very similar message about my ex shortly after I'd had our second son, I thought nothing of it,deleted it & just carried on... I had a niggling though for a while & I did find out he was in fact cheating & it wasn't the 1st time,he'd got someone pregnant while I was expecting our second,& was cheating for months with someone else while I was at home with our kids,he was working said he was working towards moving up in his job,I was supportive,we were constantly in touch,messaging,ringing, facetime but he was obviously living a double life so for me I'd have to check it out honestly,I'm now a single mom of 2,he's less than involved,gone on to live with the second other woman & they had a baby a few months ago. He's her problem now & I'm free from the stress & worry 😄

pbj · 30/06/2022 08:22

It looks like a spam bot / phishing message. Please ignore it and don’t click on any links and block it.

if you’ve got any concerns about your husband sort that out separately

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/06/2022 08:23

Spam. I've had various versions of this over the years, regardless of whether I was even in a relationship at the time.

seaUrchinOne · 30/06/2022 08:25

Generic Spam, he's not your cheeting boyf anyone that knows you, knows you have a husband.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 30/06/2022 08:30

Yes, just goady spam.

Tothepoint99 · 30/06/2022 08:37

MiniPiccolo · 30/06/2022 07:40

I'd check. I'd also be looking for a burner phone in his car/car boot/spare bag/work bag/drawers. Just to rule it out.

Mumsnet likes to say "if you don't trust them the relationship is over", which to be honest is bollocks. How many people 'trust' their cheating partners? All of them at some point.

Only a very naïve person wouldn't check, just to rule out that it might be true.

Well clearly not if your advice is to first go looking for a burner phone!

notacooldad · 30/06/2022 08:41

If this were me, I'd probably first assume spam. However, I'd sit with my boyfriend and say "look I received this Facebook message, I obviously don't believe it but just so I don't overthink, can I please take a look at your messages?". If he's got nothing to hide he'd hand it over without a second thought
If my DH said that to me I would tell him to do one!!

fedup078 · 30/06/2022 08:44

So someone has actually created a profile and has their name as 'cheeting Boyf'
I wouldn't be surprised if people bite but say they can't get into their partners account then this profile offers to do it for them for money
Looks like total scam / spam bollocks to me

Titsflyingsouth · 30/06/2022 09:20

I got a prank phone call once from some stupid slapper pretending that she was sleeping with my husband. She couldn't tell me his name, what he looked like or any details about him at all so it was clearly bollocks . My DH was in the room at the time so I put her on speakerphone and as soon as she realised she panicked and hung up.

Some people are just twats who get off on causing drama.