I am a ‘bitch and a stupid cunt’

[Workinghardeveryday]

Fallen out with p. He let me down tonight, long story, to exhausted to explain it all. Sorry to drip feed.

he text me I am a bitch.

then came upstairs when I am in bed, told me he leaving me and called me a stupid cunt.

He really doesn’t see it as abuse, says I am being ridiculous to insinuate it.

no, he doesn’t loose his temper with anyone but me. He’s very quiet with other people, doesn’t really make conversation etc

He really doesn’t see it as abuse, says I am being ridiculous to insinuate it.

Doesn’t that tell you everything you need to know?

Your boyfriends opinions on his abuse are irrelevant. It’s your choice whether or not you want to enjoy life.

that’s a shame you feel awful @Wish44 i feel awful too, having been made to endure a house of domestic abuse as a kid, fucked me up for life. It sickens me to hear of kids still being traumatised like this by the choices of the adults.

If he doesn't see it as abuse, why would he change?

I think you need to ring women's aid, do the freedom programme, something that helps you see that it's not your fault he behaves like this.

Would you want this for your DD? Would you want your DS to behave like this?

Because that's what will happen if you stay.

Education.

My parents were old school, a father that never swore in front of my mother, let alone at her. Never saw anyone throw anything, never saw a physical altercation.

They had disagreements but between them there was always the respect never to cross a boundary of crudeness or hate filled speech.

It sounds rediculous to many now that swearing and profanities should be limited but it's how and who you direct that to. One side usually has the upperhand and usually it's the man, it's intimidating and leads to more and more nastiness being metered out.

We need to go back to old school, more respect for wives and mothers and children, men need to be punished for being threatening, it kills love and harmoney, once said is never forgotten.

We need gentlemen back on the planet.

@Onthedunes whats that anthropologist musing got to do with the OP and her abuser boyfriend? You’d want her to go back to when women were property, and husbands could legally rape them? Thinking women used to be respected by males is mind blowingly false.

Next time he says he’s leaving, you reply “Ok, bye.”

I've never been a stupid enough cunt to have stayed with someone who spoke to me like this.

Believe me, you would be utterly, utterly stupid if you wasted another moment of your life on a pathetic little twat like this one.

Don't take him back. Don't give him a second chance. If he's so stupid that he can't see his behaviour is abusive and unacceptable (and he can't - he IS that stupid) the he's not going to change.

You're just kicking the end of this shitty relationship a bit further down the line. End it now and stop pissing about.

A well known strategy, the love bombing followed by the real him.

Tell him to close the door quietly on his way. Then get the locks changed. Life is too short to put up with this crap.

I agree that the most likely best action is to get her partner to leave but I think that with 3 children and 14.5 years old relationship, it might take time to feel ready to manage life as a single parent.

he text me I am a bitch.

then came upstairs when I am in bed, told me he leaving me and called me a stupid cunt.

He said he would if anyone annoyed him that much.

He really doesn’t see it as abuse, says I am being ridiculous to insinuate it.

Re-read these sentences over and over again. At a very basic level, he does not respect you. He thinks that when he calls you names, it's fine and you deserve to be told you are stupid and described with demeaning words.

Read it over and over. That's what he thinks of you.

He thinks you're stupid and ridiculous and sufficiently beneath him that he can call you speak to you with contempt and tell you not to think much of yourself.

Don't let this man dictate your self-esteem. If you do not believe you are stupid, a bitch and beneath him, you need to end this relationship.

He is abusive. He will not change.

You absolutely don’t have to give him a chance to do anything. It sounds like the nasty cunt has used up all his chances.

You sound unhappy and that is sad. You only get one go.

Why on earth would anybody expect you to put the effort in to pack for him?

Lock all doors - open window - chuck his shit out - roll of binbags - chuck out - shut window.

Sorted.

Yeah, verbal abuse is really quite hilarious, isn’t it ?

The c word isn’t one I would want to be called ever. Especially by someone who is supposed to love you. I don’t know what lead to it but I think it’s unacceptable and you need to consider your boundaries.

I wouldn't say it's a big deal, surely much less serious than a woman slapping a man. You agree, right?

OP
I can relate to this! My husband is exactly the same. When he is angry I am called every name under the sun. Things get thrown.
He does not see it as abuse! He always apologises and admits he has a terrible temper.
It's not so easy to just leave! I have four kids, debts up to my eyeballs and the rental accommodation is not in my name as I have ccj from when my business went down.
We are fine 99% of the time but that 1% is awful.
However I don't accept it when he is name calling and normally leave. Predictable pattern- he apologises and I come back as I have nowhere else to go. I would love somewhere to go and some money put away. Family can't put me up with 4 kids and 2 been teenagers. Refuges are full. Not that simple to just leave!

Trash taking itself out. Help him pack. DO not look back.

Eh

No I don't want to backwards and I don't wan't men thinking the emancipation of women means equality by being verbally abused, being huddled in a corner whilst some man hovers over you calling you a fucking cunt is not progress.

Respect starts in the home and is carried on with generations.
Verbal abuse needs stamping out.

surely much less serious than a woman slapping a man

what are you talking about ?

Sorry op, 99% of being nice isn't good enough. There are 365 days in a year, 99% means he gets to be a shit for a full 3.56 days each year. I would tell him not to let the door hit his arse on the way out.

Why do you need to “give him a chance”? He’s had 14 years. Meanwhile your are denying yourself and don’t forget your children(!) a chance of a happy stable non abusive home.

How he sees it is irrelevant, this IS abuse.

Where are you from dearie?