Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He has been sleeping from afternoon and been awake the hole night.

60 replies

curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 06:54

He went to sleep from 5 in afternoon and been sleeping ever sense. The kids went to bed as their usual time at 8. Had nothing to do with theme. He has been up the hole night been doing f all.. now they are up. Am I in the wrong from nothing doing nothing and not get them ready for school and nursery?

I can’t seem to thing this is a cruel and nasty person trying to prove a point?
I am depressed and from yesterdays heated conversation he has not said one word to me.. I am not sure if I can cope anymore,, I am so lost and upset…

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 27/06/2022 06:56

Not sure what has gone on, but get them ready for school/nursery. You would be wrong not to, then have a conversation when you’re back.

maplecream · 27/06/2022 06:58

Sorry you feel this way op.
I would definitely get your children to school/nursery. Once they are there you will have a chance to talk.

Midlifemusings · 27/06/2022 07:00

He works night shift right? Not uncommon to struggle to switch your day and night schedule on your days off and to still be awake at night.

There are clearly issues you both need to work through. There seems to be resentment on both sides. Have you seen a couples counsellor?

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 07:01

KangarooKenny · 27/06/2022 06:56

Not sure what has gone on, but get them ready for school/nursery. You would be wrong not to, then have a conversation when you’re back.

He don’t want to help out with the kids at all. Expect me to do everything. I am exhausted plus I am going to through a lot with my health as I am suffering from long term chronic illness..I am so fed up..

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 27/06/2022 07:04

So he works night shifts you don't work? What are you wanting him to do? Of course he's going to have a chaotic sleep pattern.
I don't know how people who work nights on a long term basis cope, it nearly broke me.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 07:05

Midlifemusings · 27/06/2022 07:00

He works night shift right? Not uncommon to struggle to switch your day and night schedule on your days off and to still be awake at night.

There are clearly issues you both need to work through. There seems to be resentment on both sides. Have you seen a couples counsellor?

Yes he works night.. I know your body can switch like that being up at night and sleep during the day.. but he has forgotten I used to work nights and then we only had our son… but that don’t excuse nobody if you been off work during the weekends and not been up for your kids.. he always sleeps when I need the most help…

I have talked about going to speak with a relationship counselling but he point blank refuses… it ain’t nobody that can’t talk to him…

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 27/06/2022 07:07

So why does he work nights? Is it more money coming in or has he said he only wants to work nights? What industry is he in?

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 07:08

MichelleScarn · 27/06/2022 07:04

So he works night shifts you don't work? What are you wanting him to do? Of course he's going to have a chaotic sleep pattern.
I don't know how people who work nights on a long term basis cope, it nearly broke me.

i understand working nights is hard…but he don’t work during weekends.. he up the hole night when we all are Asleep.. why can’t he pull his weight.? I work everyday 24 hours it is none stop for me……

OP posts:
Midlifemusings · 27/06/2022 07:09

What is your health care team saying about managing your health condition? Chronic health conditions require work to keep them stable. What do you do when the kids are at nursery and school? Can you rest then?

You two need to work it out. Has his sleep pattern always been to sleep in the evening before a shift? It could be better if he could sleep during the day when he gets home but I am not sure if you and the kids are home during the day and prefer he is up then or it is too noisy to sleep then.

A stay at home parent and a night shift parent are going to be a challenge to make work given the vastly different schedules.

Neither of you are in good health. He isn't sleeping and you have a chronic health condition and both those things are making you both irritable and resentful.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 07:10

MichelleScarn · 27/06/2022 07:07

So why does he work nights? Is it more money coming in or has he said he only wants to work nights? What industry is he in?

He said it pays more…but financially we are just doing ok… I have suggested if he can swap to days.. but no.. he works under logistic

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 07:13

Midlifemusings · 27/06/2022 07:09

What is your health care team saying about managing your health condition? Chronic health conditions require work to keep them stable. What do you do when the kids are at nursery and school? Can you rest then?

You two need to work it out. Has his sleep pattern always been to sleep in the evening before a shift? It could be better if he could sleep during the day when he gets home but I am not sure if you and the kids are home during the day and prefer he is up then or it is too noisy to sleep then.

A stay at home parent and a night shift parent are going to be a challenge to make work given the vastly different schedules.

Neither of you are in good health. He isn't sleeping and you have a chronic health condition and both those things are making you both irritable and resentful.

My health team things he his helping me But he is not..

I just don’t know what to do.. the only time nobody is in the house is on Mondays .as then little one goes to nursery. The boy goes to schoo, during the week..

I just don’t know if I can take this….

OP posts:
Original poster
curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 07:15

maplecream · 27/06/2022 06:58

Sorry you feel this way op.
I would definitely get your children to school/nursery. Once they are there you will have a chance to talk.

if I do that.. take them where they needs to be taken.. He don’t want to talk things out.. it seems I am waiting my energy..

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 27/06/2022 07:16

Do you work ?

Midlifemusings · 27/06/2022 07:17

What are you doing to manage your health condition?

You need to talk to your health care team and get some help for your mental health at this point. You can't control other people and what they do, so focus on taking care of yourself

NerrSnerr · 27/06/2022 07:20

I'd get the children to school and nursery the best you can this morning so they don't need to witness any arguments etc if you're refusing to do it and he doesn't want to and once the children are out of the house I'd have a sit down and talk about the division of labour and how much you're struggling.

maplecream · 27/06/2022 07:22

Why wouldn't you send the children to school?

MichelleScarn · 27/06/2022 07:39

What is it you want from him? To change jobs? Then it is still likely you'll need to do majority of school run if you are at home and he's at work?
Is it more about housework and general parenting?

NotaCoolMum · 27/06/2022 07:40

If he works nights and his sleep pattern is affected, he can’t just switch it up during the weekend. It’s really difficult to adjust to night working patterns. Not something you can switch on and off.

saying that, it sounds like you two have other issues going on. You sound really resentful. If he’s not helping, maybe it would be easier to raise your kids on your own? 🌻

11Hawkins · 27/06/2022 07:42

Of course his sleep pattern will be backwards working nights all the time.

You need to get your children ready for school/nursery if you don't then it's really not fair on them. It's not their fault.

Neither is it your partners if he's going to work and bringing in a income for you all to live off I don't see what he's doing wrong? Do you work?

MissNothing1991 · 27/06/2022 07:44

curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 07:08

i understand working nights is hard…but he don’t work during weekends.. he up the hole night when we all are Asleep.. why can’t he pull his weight.? I work everyday 24 hours it is none stop for me……

Show quote history

Yes. He doesn't work during weekends. However, it's hard to just switch, stay up during days, then go back to staying up at night for 2 days of the week. I've been there and trying to be up during the day on days off destroyed my health. You work 24 hours a day? Do you not sleep then?

Gnusmas · 27/06/2022 07:44

If you have a health condition, are you claiming Pip or some benefits? With the additional money you could pay for a carer to help you with your health condition. Or to pay for a cleaner /housekeeper to help with the household chores.

Re your partner sleeping during his day off, has he been tested for diabetes or any health condition. Sleeping the whole time during his time off isn't normal and could be an indication of a health issue.

Are you able to leave the house or is your mobility affected? My local community centre runs a drop in coffee morning for people with specific health concerns. It might be useful for you to have some company outside of the house.

MIND operate a telephone helpline and events for people with mental health issues. It's worth calling them for some advice and counselling.

www.mind.org.uk/donate/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIy-ahxoPN-AIVEWHmCh3ygw9BEAAYASAAEgJLvfD_BwE

roarfeckingroarr · 27/06/2022 07:48

OP your kids shouldn't suffer because you're in a crappy relationship. Get them ready for school and nursery and take them in - this should be non-negotiable.

It sounds like he works nights, so his body clock is probably skewed towards being awake all night. Can you get a job during the day and he swap to days so financially it balances out? He should still be pulling his weight at home but neglecting the kids to prove a point isn't the way to deal with this.

MichelleScarn · 27/06/2022 07:51

I work 24 hours a day it's none stop for me?
What do you mean by this? Don't you/kids sleep?
Its all a bit dramatical with this phrase.

Original poster
curlygirl84 · 27/06/2022 09:02

MichelleScarn · 27/06/2022 07:51

I work 24 hours a day it's none stop for me?
What do you mean by this? Don't you/kids sleep?
Its all a bit dramatical with this phrase.

I mean I am always the one doing things with them ect...I never had or get a break..... of course they sleep and so do at time I lay in bed and don't fall asleep to late... I just feel worn out and exhausted... thats all..

OP posts:
Midlifemusings · 27/06/2022 09:07

What are his hours OP? When does he leave and come home?
What hours does he usually sleep?
Does he interact with the children at all?

Swipe left for the next trending thread