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Original poster

We were on a break!

72 replies

Herewegoagain222 · 25/06/2022 15:15

Could you forgive your ‘ex’ for sleeping with someone else when you were on a break?

Partner and I were together for 10 years, got together at 18. 3 months ago we took some time apart, but have been speaking pretty much every day. Yesterday he told me he slept with someone else last week, but it made him realise that I’m the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with…forgivable or not?

OP posts:
JuneJubilee · 25/06/2022 15:20

Depends. Did you not discuss this when you decided to have a 'break'.??

just as importantly WHY were you having a break!

and WHY did he have sex with her? What about sex with her convinced him he wanted you? I mean, sex is not a measure if live, comparability etc. just sounds like something he's saying to get you back.

Furrbabymama1987 · 25/06/2022 15:23

No, I think breaks are just an excuse to go and shag someone else. You're either with someone or you're not. Slightly hypocritical of me as I used to do it myself, but I was in an unhappy relationship and was younger than I am now. Looking back I should have just ended it. If the relationship is good then you don't need breaks. If you're talking about where you've both definitely split and you end up back together then could probably get past that but not if it was like a week after splitting up.

Catlover1970 · 25/06/2022 15:24

Yes I’d forgive as you weren’t together. However if he was so Into you he wouldn’t havE wanted a shag elsewhere. It will be hard to trust again

Mortimercat · 25/06/2022 15:55

I don’t think there is anything to forgive as you were not together. But I don’t believe there is any way back from a break anyway.

NiceTwin · 25/06/2022 15:58

If you take a break, both of you are essentially single and can do what single people do.

If you wanted him to have a monk like existence, you should have discussed the terms of your separation.

Littleraindrop15 · 25/06/2022 16:00

your on a break which means your both free agents .

User1406 · 25/06/2022 16:02

Depends what you mean by "time apart". If you were just having a breather and a little space to cool off, with the intention of getting back together, then absolutely not okay.

If you actually broke up, with no intention to reconcile at the time, then it's fine (although it would still be upsetting).

If it was the former, I wouldn't be able to get past that. I was in a long-term relationship from the age of 18, and if he'd have done that to me, no way would I be able to trust him again. I'd also feel a bit weirded out by the fact he's gone and touched someone else like that so soon after.

smallbeetle · 25/06/2022 16:06

In no way does having sex with one person make you realise you want to spend your life with another person. that is insane reasoning. For that alone, and for telling you that, I would question getting back with him!

lightand · 25/06/2022 16:09

He has become untrustworthy.
Up to you what you do about that.

LetitiaLeghorn · 25/06/2022 16:11

Catlover1970 · 25/06/2022 15:24

Yes I’d forgive as you weren’t together. However if he was so Into you he wouldn’t havE wanted a shag elsewhere. It will be hard to trust again

If they were that into each other, they wouldn't have been on a break.

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 25/06/2022 16:16

Did he suggest the break?

If it were me I'd laugh and tell him he has made his bed, he can go back and wallow in it.

I wouldn't take him back and wait for the next time he felt like some time out.

Catlover1970 · 25/06/2022 16:18

LetitiaLeghorn · 25/06/2022 16:11

If they were that into each other, they wouldn't have been on a break.

Show quote history

Very true x

gingersplodgecat · 25/06/2022 16:36

Why were you on a break?

imsuchawally · 25/06/2022 16:50

Just been through similar. I left him - we were ok a break and he slept with someone else. I didn't.

It's not great but I did leave him and he was single. It's hurt me, he regrets it but I dont necessarily think he's done wrong. I have nothing to forgive him for.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/06/2022 17:08

"Could you forgive your ‘ex’ for sleeping with someone else when you were on a break?"

It's not a matter of forgiveness, surely? For me it is a matter of change. He has gone from being a person who was having sex within a long-term relationship, to being a person who was willing to have sex with a woman he can only have known for a very short time. That would change my opinion of him.

ChangedMyNamrButStillMe · 25/06/2022 17:11

What did you discuss before going on your “break”? Had you completely split up or was it a pre arranged X amount of time not seeing each other and then seeing how you felt at the end? Surely the whole reason you have a break from someone is because you don’t think you want to be together anymore so are effectively single?

IMO he’s done absolutely nothing wrong but it obviously depends what you’d agreed beforehand

Whitehorsegirl · 25/06/2022 17:21

''Having a break'' in my opinion is a silly concept.. When it comes to relationships you are either together or you are not (and therefore free to see whoever you please) as far as I am concerned.

Next time some suggest ''taking on a break'', try answering that you wait for no one, show them the door and wish them good luck with the rest of their life.

Original poster
Herewegoagain222 · 25/06/2022 17:28

We were fully separated. All possessions separated and his removed from our house. Although we were talking everyday we had agreed that we were fully single.

We we’re arguing a lot over something that happened when we were much younger, and the whole thing had become toxic. We both wanted time away fully to see how we felt without being in eachothers face.

OP posts:
Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 25/06/2022 17:35

Me and ex split for 6 months before getting back together.. I had a relationship in between. He never forgave me. Was always looking for signs I had cheated... I hadn't ever cheated. We split because he was abusive.

Went on a religious retreat with a grieving relative. He refused to collect me from the airport. A friend did. He emptied my case in front of her looking for signs I had been with someone else...
Finished is best kept finished ime.

Wherearemymarbles · 25/06/2022 17:51

on this basis you are both entitled to sleep with whom you wish.

he has done nothing wrong

DontLikeCoffee · 25/06/2022 17:54

Well going by your update, I don’t think there is anything to ‘forgive’. He was single and perfectly entitled to sleep with someone else.

altiara · 25/06/2022 17:56

We were fully separated. All possessions separated and his removed from our house. Although we were talking everyday we had agreed that we were fully single.

Sounds like there is nothing to forgive as you weren’t in a relationship together.

But when you were talking each day, were you trying to get back together? Or just general chitchat?

LetitiaLeghorn · 25/06/2022 18:23

You weren't on a break. You were finished. He was entitled to sleep with who he wanted to.
But how you feel about that isn't governed by any laws of rationality. It's just how you feel. So some people would easily accept and others couldn't. Listening to what other people would or did feel if it happened to them, won't ever change how you really feel. Unfortunately only you can decide whether it's too much to get over or not..

DontLikeCoffee · 25/06/2022 18:26

Talking everyday doesn’t sound very productive. If you’ve broken up then you’ve broken up, talking constantly won’t help give you time and space.

SunshineAndFizz · 25/06/2022 18:29

Herewegoagain222 · 25/06/2022 17:28

We were fully separated. All possessions separated and his removed from our house. Although we were talking everyday we had agreed that we were fully single.

We we’re arguing a lot over something that happened when we were much younger, and the whole thing had become toxic. We both wanted time away fully to see how we felt without being in eachothers face.

In that case, he's done nothing wrong at all.