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Original poster

Told me he loved me after 3 months - I don’t yet. Help!

74 replies

Lifegoalsneeded · 25/06/2022 00:53

Been dating an amazing guy for 3 months. He is smitten with me, affectionate and his actions match his words. Tonight he was drunk and was texting me. He told me he loved me. I really like him, but not there yet. I could be, but he is a few steps in front.

I hesitated for a few minutes in responding and he texts again to jokingly say guy you are ghosting is going home. Then asked if I love him too. I responded with hearts and then was honest.

Said I really liked him, and getting there but not there yet. I really want to see how things develop and see me getting there soon. But not yet. I want to mean it when I say it. Asked him not to rush it.

he then tells me he understands but is emotionally attached and loves every bit of me. He has never fallen this hard for anyone and I am his everything. tells me he loves me again and I am not to say it until I mean it. On Facebook he has now commented life ruined. He is not normally one for dramatics.

I like him, but he is rushing it. I can’t say something I don’t mean. He is drunk, and seems to be upset I don’t feel the sand. I have told him I really like him and care for him. What more can I say?

i think he is gutted, but it’s been 3 months of seeing each other 2 times a week. I want to naturally let things develop, but I feel he is pushing it by asking if I felt the same or will end it as I dont love him yet.

it’s kind of put me off him. What do I say to sober boyfriend tomorrow? I want to be kind and understand he was drunk. But it’s a bit full on. He even said he will abstain from sex to prove he loves me and is not just after sex - not that sex prices love!!!

no other red flags. I do miss him when not around and get butterflies when I see him. I have been hurt in the past so have my guard up, which is lowering quicker than most guys. I am just a bit slower in saying it and will not say it until I mean it

tips anyone on navigating this? Can it continue with uneven love?

OP posts:
Queenie6655 · 25/06/2022 00:54

Red flag sorry

Just be very careful

spotcheck · 25/06/2022 00:58

"On Facebook he has now commented life ruined. He is not normally one for dramatics*

Ditch able offence

slowcookerforone · 25/06/2022 01:03

Not one for dramatics?
I think he is love.

I guess it all depends on his reaction/behaviour tomorrow, if he can handle that he's messed up with grace and not try and blame you or be angry then that's a great start.

There will be posters who will come along and say they knew they were in love with their partner/spouse the second they laid eyes on them and they were engaged by the second course, happily together for 20 years with 2 sets of twins.
But most of us know most relationships end, and when we look back on most of them we know we weren't really in love even if we thought so or wanted to believe it at the time, so being cautious is the sensible thing.

Which he has completely blown out the water.
Only you can know if he's a love-bombing freak.

drumroll · 25/06/2022 01:09

We have all said stupid shit when we are drunk. I think he must like u very much and his emotions have got the best of him tonight . I can imagine he will be quite embarrassed tomorrow 🙊. I wouldn't worry about it too much and see what happens when he sobers up. You have totally got the right approach and nobody can "love" someone after 12 weeks. If u like him then I would give him the benefit of the doubt on this occasion.

Original poster
Lifegoalsneeded · 25/06/2022 01:09

@slowcookerforone I goes a bit soppy when drunk, but it’s only been once. Doesn’t normally love bomb I feel. He is very affectionate all the time. Annoyingly trying to recreate ghost when I was cooking. Not so easy with a knife in hand.

told him to calm it down which he has. He just told me he can’t help himself. His best friend is female and she has told me he is never like this with partners. Said he wasn’t like this with his ex wife and she was friends with him before they got together.

I hope he is ok in the morning and we can chat

OP posts:
decayingmatter · 25/06/2022 01:09

On Facebook he has now commented life ruined.

I'm sorry OP but I snorted when I read this bit. I don't think I could be attracted to him after this!

Original poster
Lifegoalsneeded · 25/06/2022 01:11

@drumroll i think so. He joked he was out tonight and was going to switch his phone off as he will no doubt say stupid things to me.

he has said he likes me sober and his actions do say that.

OP posts:
ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 25/06/2022 01:11

decayingmatter · 25/06/2022 01:09

On Facebook he has now commented life ruined.

I'm sorry OP but I snorted when I read this bit. I don't think I could be attracted to him after this!

That needs to go on the "ick" thread

decayingmatter · 25/06/2022 01:12

Annoyingly trying to recreate ghost when I was cooking

And now I've just read this! OP, come onnn!

WomanHere · 25/06/2022 03:01

I would find someone that gets drunks and then texts drunk declarations of love/Facebook status changes very off putting. Be careful here, this drunken behaviour is a bad sign.

Arsepants · 25/06/2022 03:27

He sounds like a knob

SexyBastardSmile · 25/06/2022 04:44

3 months of seeing each other a couple of times a week, you barely know each other. And the ‘life ruined’ comment. 🤭 I’d run. Be very careful. This isn’t normal behaviour.

seven201 · 25/06/2022 05:00

We've all done embarrassing things when drunk. See how he is about it tomorrow/today now.

polkadotpixie · 25/06/2022 05:22

I must be the only one who thinks it's quite sweet! Surely we've all got a bit over emotional when drunk and made a bit of an arse of ourselves? I'd cut him some slack and probably gently take the piss, not be horrified and dump him

I also don't think it's unusual to tell someone you love them after 3 months, DH said it to me after about 3 weeks and we'd moved in together before we'd been together 3 months. Still together 10 years later so I don't see it as a red flag. In fact, we've said I love you in 3 of my LTR before 3 months and none of them were love bombers/abusive etc, it sounds totally normal to me and I think MN often tends to jump to the worst conclusion

Inthesameboatatmo · 25/06/2022 05:45

We've all said and done stupid things after too much to drink. See what's he's like today , if he's not dying from embarrassment and is trying to blame you or twist it back on you that's very telling . But I agree with pp the re-creating ghost is absolute cringe and would put me off and massively give me the ICK.

Herejustforthisone · 25/06/2022 06:29

Ick.

whenwillthemadnessend · 25/06/2022 06:30

Jezeez. I'd hate to be a bloke dating now days. Some of you ditch for ANYTHING

See how he is going forward and trust your gut.

Fuuuuuckit · 25/06/2022 06:36

He's now withholding sex until you say you love him?

Wow. Run for the hills op.

Emotional manipulation at its clearest. You're 3 months in and see him twice a week. 6 months down the line and you do/don't do/say something he doesn't like and he sulks on you, refuses to engage, what are you going to do? Couple of kids down the line and he's withdrawing support because you're not worshipping him?

The hills are that way -->

MiniPiccolo · 25/06/2022 06:54

"His best friend is female and she has told me he is never like this with partners. Said he wasn’t like this with his ex wife and she was friends with him before they got together."

Oh double trouble.
He's love bombing you, whether he realises it himself or not is another thing.
To be honest I'd probably dump someone with such little self control or understandingnof what's appropriate so early in a relationship.
You can't 'love' someone after 3 months ffs.

Painintheass22 · 25/06/2022 07:02

polkadotpixie · 25/06/2022 05:22

I must be the only one who thinks it's quite sweet! Surely we've all got a bit over emotional when drunk and made a bit of an arse of ourselves? I'd cut him some slack and probably gently take the piss, not be horrified and dump him

I also don't think it's unusual to tell someone you love them after 3 months, DH said it to me after about 3 weeks and we'd moved in together before we'd been together 3 months. Still together 10 years later so I don't see it as a red flag. In fact, we've said I love you in 3 of my LTR before 3 months and none of them were love bombers/abusive etc, it sounds totally normal to me and I think MN often tends to jump to the worst conclusion

Completely agree with this.

11Hawkins · 25/06/2022 07:07

I think the Facebook and sex thing is a bit alarming.... but if he's not normally like this it's probably the drink.

Snoopfroggyfrogg · 25/06/2022 07:25

I don't think it's unusual to.love someone 3 months in. Not saying that you fully know them or it's a settled, unshakeable love yet by that point but it's enough time to have fallen for someone.

The Facebook posting and stuff about sex, less great. I would see how he is today. If he's thoroughly embarrassed and accepts he's made a drunken fool of himself that's one thing.

Anything else, tbh including talking about love at all (other than maybe 'I meant what I said about my feelings but didn't mean to push you') I'd be feeling a bit icky and pressured.

BigFatLiar · 25/06/2022 07:25

Sounds like the lower end of drunk behaviour. At least he didn't say he hates you.

There have been threads about embarrassing things people have done, had sex with random guys springs to mind, fighting, drugs.

Being a bit over affectionate sounds a bit low key. If your just using him as a fill in until someone better comes along let him know, don't waste his time. Sounds like he really like you, just needs to tone it down.

2pinkginsplease · 25/06/2022 07:42

i Think we all at one time have been drunk , declared our love and got emotional and been dejected when it’s not been returned!

IMO, if you don’t love him after 3 months then there is something wrong with the relationship.

do you find him attractive? Does he make your heart race, are you excited to see him?

girlmom21 · 25/06/2022 07:46

The sex thing and the Facebook post would be red flags for me...