DP Draft email to tigerkat6969

[InSearchOfSmth87]

Found an empty draft email to the above email address in husbands phone. Should I be worried?
This can’t be a work colleagues or a friends email...? no other history found.
And no I can’t ask him about It because he just lies because is a porn and sex addict with a history of tendency to message women/sex workers.. But I was hoping he has put it behind him.
Am I overreacting?

It all depends on your boundaries and what you are prepared to accept. If your gut is telling you something isn't right more than likely it's not.
If he has form and you have left him and gone back, it gives him the green light for him to do what he pleases and he knows he can win you round.
If you leave this time round make sure it's for good.

Irrespective of this email, you will never be able to trust this arse of a man & you need to come to terms with the fact that your relationship is effectively dead.
Move on, you deserve better.

Why not see a solicitor to rid yourself of this vile specimen? Then you’ll be better informed. Unfortunately your kids will be burdened with this bloke as a parent even if you’re not in a relationship with him, so you can’t blame your kids on keeping this male around.

So again, more proof has been revealed. Turns out that he has been messaging women (escorts) on his usual website Adultwork. The only reason he told me was because I found another email draft addressed to someone who apparently is an escort in our town. He is just not able to stop going to this site, even though he knows that it hurts me so much. He just has to message those women and then wank on their replies. Still no proof that he has actually met up with anyone. I am numb, just existing day to day.

How much longer are you prepared to put up with it @InSearchOfSmth87?
A genuine question, because he's shown you who he is.
Sorry if that's brutal, but it's relevant. He's not prepared to change, so only you can decide if you want to live with it.

Im sorry for you OP but not sure what advice people can give you, he isnt going to change and you know that so either you put up and shut up, or make the tougher choice and leave.

Harsh but absolutely true. You're in control of what happens next

Better to be a confident, contented single mother than be treated like this.
Your children will take their lead from you, as long as you make them feel secure and loved they’ll be ok.
If you don’t leave I think you’ll be writing identical posts next year, and the year after.

I don’t even know why I reached out. Maybe someone who is going through similar can take some comfort of knowing they are not alone. As it’s a very lonely place to be.. :(

@InSearchOfSmth87, I'm sorry that you feel posters have been less sympathetic or understanding than you hoped for.
My take on it is that many of us here have been through similar experiences to you, and have come out the other side. Maybe you're not ready for that way of thinking yet.
Unless I'm massively off the mark, I don't think anyone here has been critical of you?
You've been brave to post about your situation.
I don't think it's unreasonable to read and think about posts that might not chime with the way you're thinking, but might be relevant all the same.
So I'd say, keep posting, saying how you are feeling, but be open to what other posters are saying.
Good luck with your journey.

please leave you are worth more than this

I can’t offer any advice OP but I just want to give you a hand hold and say I’m really sorry to hear about the dreadful situation you are in. Hope you are able to resolve this whichever way very soon 💐❤️

I agree. You don’t want your children to grow up in this mess. Save yourself and them by getting him out of your lives. Make sure you use a solicitor so he can’t talk you out of your rights.

This.

"I would never have acted on it"

Translation: "I would most definitely have have acted on it"

There's a new thread on here every other week where someone has posted in a similar position to you. Almost every time it goes on to transpire that their partner was meeting with the prostitutes.

Why do you think it's sex workers that he's messaging and not just hookup/chat sites? And they'll be able to suss out a time waster very quickly, why would they carry on messaging with a bloke who isn't going to meet them?

How did you meet this fine specimen of a man?

Being in a relationship this bad is the loneliest place to be. You'd be far less lonely if you you were actually on your own you know, because then you'd have the peace of mind that's eluding you now.

Seriously, you can't really have imagined it would all have been tidied neatly away behind him, can you?
You even use the word addict, and still think he'll just switch it off if you ask him nicely...
Stop kidding yourself and dump his sorry arse.

O.P. contact Women's Aid and seek advice from them. Either that or see a solicitor so at least you know where you stand.

OP, looks like someone else has had the same experience with this email address. Perhaps you can reach out to her and see if she's local to you. If might help you work out of its a spam thing.

www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/found-an-email-in-his-junk-folder.332550/

i work as a sex chat operator through adultwork and I’ve searched the name and I’m sorry to say it brings up an escort profile of a 44 year old lady from Basingstoke. I’m sorry but men who use the site aren’t getting off on the replies they are looking for sex. I can only speak for myself but whenever I get a sexual message I block I’m not sending anything sexual back for free. The men who use these sites are only good for one thing and that’s their wallet. Sorry x

How are you op

Its not an addiction its a choice. He chooses that.
I been there too and it took 4 years but I did leave, but not before I was a mental wreck, physically ill and sick of playing detective.
Men like this choose a 'respectable married front' to distract others to the truth of their seedy double life.
I begged, pleaded still he chose that.
I am now blissfully remarried to a wonderful man. But you have to leave, heal and get rid of the trash first.
Dont end up a shell of a person. Go and go as soon as you can. Sending strength to you.

@TheCatWithGreenEyes Thank you, I wish your comment would have come sooner, I have since found out another empty email draft also addressed to an escort, really wish I had listened to my gut sooner.

@Angelswithflirtyfaces I am so sorry that you had to go through all that for 4 years. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. In your case, did the messaging end up with physical relations? Just out of interest and worry. But I am so happy for you that you are now happily married now. I really can’t see that for myself I’m afraid :(

@chocolatecoffee Thank you for asking, I am not alright, faaaaaar from it. But I am breathing and living, going to work every day, taking care of the kids, and crying after I’ve had some wine.

He says that he is too scared to tell me the truth because he’s afraid I’d leave him.
so obviously I deserve the truth, and he is stalling .... sigh....

OP yes it did end up with him having sex with escorts as I ended up getting an STD.
Luckily it was a treatable one but I had dodgy smears for 3 years afterwards.
You cant see an alternative future for yourself as you are still traumatised and emotionally attached to this perv.
But you can let go if you want to.
He will not change. Because they do not want to choose to.
Funnily enough I saw my ex over the weekend at a music festival. First time in over 5 years. I fekt NOTHING. He is dead to me for what he put me through. I just walked right pass with not even a blip of recognition.
Yours will be like that one day, just a loser you used to know. Or not know as these men are the masters of double lives.