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Original poster

That moment when you knew your marriage was over

91 replies

Bluffysummers · 20/06/2022 23:09

I think my marriage is failing/ over /dead in the water and maybe has been for a while.., what were your moments when you knew wow this just isn’t working anymore? Did you walk away then and there or was there another moment that made you walk away?

OP posts:
Levithecat · 20/06/2022 23:24

No - it was death by a thousand (not insubstantial) cuts and it has taken me 6months of living alone with the kids to really feel it was the right thing to do. I knew deep down it was inevitable / right but the worries and binds were strong - will kids be ok etc

cantbelieveheletmedown · 20/06/2022 23:27

When he prioritised another woman over me and brought his Mother round to shout at me to try and justify his shitty behaviour. Never ever again will i let anyone ever get that close to cause me such pain.

Chattycatty · 20/06/2022 23:33

Whe he wanted sex after a long dry spell and the thought made my skin crawl.

Original poster
Bluffysummers · 20/06/2022 23:42

Levithecat · 20/06/2022 23:24

No - it was death by a thousand (not insubstantial) cuts and it has taken me 6months of living alone with the kids to really feel it was the right thing to do. I knew deep down it was inevitable / right but the worries and binds were strong - will kids be ok etc

I think this is me… there are a thousand moments and i think it’s truly beyond salvation now

OP posts:
Original poster
Bluffysummers · 20/06/2022 23:42

Chattycatty · 20/06/2022 23:33

Whe he wanted sex after a long dry spell and the thought made my skin crawl.

I feel this too

OP posts:
caringcarer · 20/06/2022 23:49

When I discovered he was seeing OW. I thought that is it, I have bent over backwards helping him run his business, put up with him working rediculous hours so leaving the children almost entirely to me, deal with his horrible family and try to hold it all together. I had a light bulb moment and put all his stuff in black bin bags, got locks changed and text him to come and collect his stuff. When he came I had business accounts showing he had bought OW an expensive watch.

CushieButterfieldd · 20/06/2022 23:50

It was over when he watched porn with our child in the room. It was shot in the face and buried in a shallow grave when I found out he was contesting “escorts” while working away and I was 7 months pregnant. Just found out the latter this evening 🙃

magaluf1999 · 20/06/2022 23:56

Sitting on the drive and not wanting to go inside.

Feeling sad when i heard his key in the door.

Being relieved when he left
For work.

BritInAus · 21/06/2022 00:23

Going to a funeral of a lovely man who died in his early 70s. His wife's eulogy - full of love and respect - made me realise that I had neither of these for my 'D'P sat next to me... and did I want to live the next 40 years like that?

RhiRhi1996 · 21/06/2022 00:26

@CushieButterfieldd wow !! Watching porn with child in room... gross.

maddy68 · 21/06/2022 00:42

I looked at an exotic holiday (money isnt an object ). He said he would prefer Aberystwyth ...

ToTheNextChapter · 21/06/2022 01:01

For me there were many moments over the past couple of years. A bigger moment last autumn when he made derogatory remarks about me in front of his family.
The final moment was Easter this year when I discovered he had been having an emotional affair for at least 6 months. Explained a lot.
I am now stronger than I have been in ages and am going to view a property just for me and DD tomorrow!
Onwards and upwards 😊

breatheinskipthegym · 21/06/2022 01:07

I knew it wouldn’t last forever when he disappeared with our newborn in the middle of Paris. We’d forgotten her sunhat and he made me go back to the hotel to get it, he said we couldn’t all go as she needed to be kept in the shade. Found him 45 minutes walking along an unshaded street after ignoring my frantic phone calls to him. My first time in that part of Paris and I had no clue where they or I was. When I eventually caught up with him, he snarled at me that I’d given HIS daughter skin cancer, called me disgusting names. Took 4 years and another child before I extricated myself, and a shed load of trauma. Wish I’d acted sooner and not waited for the more certain ‘reason’ that I thought I needed.

Kerrrmieee · 21/06/2022 01:18

When he made my skin crawl just at the sight of him. Luckily we weren't married.
He was also a gaslighting bastard. I'd got used to being called a cunt.

Then he hit me so hard he broke my hand when baby was 3 weeks old. Arrested. Stupidly took him back.
But then he decided to tell me that my brother gave no fucks about me... That drew the line - and out.

pointythings · 21/06/2022 09:41

My marriage had been dying for years due to his alcohol addiction, but I kept giving him (too many) second chances. Rehab was his last one.

So when I came home from a night away with the kids at ComicCon and found him steaming drunk, that was it.

bluemouse2022 · 21/06/2022 10:29

When I found out he'd been wearing my clothes and heels for 24 years of marriage !

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 21/06/2022 13:09

When her started wearing fetish and gimp gear and going out and about in my home town where I worked and for all my neighbours - a lot of them my patients - to see.
I had already said I didn't mind him doing that stuff in a club in London or out of town but instead he decided to shit on our doorstep so he had to go.

fedup078 · 21/06/2022 14:32

When he looked me dead in the eye and point blank denied that he'd had a drink that morning and that I was just mental and looking for a fight
Whilst on his last warning after getting absolutely hammered early morning a few weeks previous and countless other incidents

everythingisgreen · 21/06/2022 18:36

The last straw was him making nagging actions with his hands at me like a child - something died.

Oodie29 · 21/06/2022 18:49

As soon as I found out about the second affair. As devastating as it was, there was relief there too. I didn't have to keep trying and keep fighting all on my own.

GetThatHelmetOn · 21/06/2022 18:57

Op, keep this in mind, it is far more difficult to take the decision to leave than dealing with the consequences of it.

I wouldn’t say it has been easy, far from it, but I have been much happier and there is this never ending positive hope on the future that I have enjoyed far more than leaving one day at a time.

Divorce is not for the faint hearted, it requires a lot of courage, the easiest thing is to stay put but it us so worth it if you have been struggle to “save” your marriage for longer than you have enjoyed it.

Best of luck

Summerwetordry · 21/06/2022 18:58

When he tried to strangle me on holiday. People noticed the bruises.

When he got an acquaintance of mine pregnant. She terminated and he cried.

When I found out that he had got me to sign for a loan when on gas and air in labour.

When he hit DD and bruised her face.

When he came home so drunk he was unable to walk to the house and crawled on his hands and knees from the car he'd driven home.

Plenty more, but these are the ones that immediately come to mind.

Whorules · 21/06/2022 20:01

Going to visit ex sil & bil for a weeks holiday and seeing how much they loved each other. Our marriage was dead but it struck me hard that week and I knew that we needed to split up. Did so a few weeks later and 6 years on I never had a seconds doubt it was the right decision. The DC and I have had a lovely 6 years on our own.

Frazzled2207 · 21/06/2022 20:05

not my marriage but my ex dp. We lived in different cities and he said “when you come over this weekend” and I realised i didn’t want to.

BackToTheTop · 21/06/2022 20:08

My 1st husband - when he said to me 'if you gout out for lunch with your friend, don't bother coming home'

2nd husband - when he tried to strangle me in the kitchen, I called the police, he was arrested and never stepped foot in the house again

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