My DD is 16 and as a BF also 16. They have become very close, I've had 'the chat' with her some weeks ago. We discussed, boundaries, consent, respect, coming to me if she needs help getting contraception etc. She reassured me it was not on the agenda at the time but that she would talk to me. We laid down some ground rules at the time of things like if he comes over they need to have he door open etc. I also asked her to not have him over if no one is home.
She is currently on study leave finishing the last of her GCSEs, I work flexibly from home and office so sometimes I'm here in the day but also there are days when there is no one home and she is on her own from 8-6pm. I have again reiterated she is not to have him over when no one is home. It came to my attention last week she might still be having people over when no one is home (extra mess) and so I have again laid down the rules. I also made an effort to work from home more to monitor, but I can't always do this.
Today, I have checked her phone whilst she was out sitting an exam and have found messages between her and BF plotting when they are going to have sex and that it will be when I am next working at the office and no one is home.
I am livid that she is planning on actively breaking the rules. So she will be punished no doubt about that, I am thinking phone confiscated and grounded. But I'm also so worried she is rushing into sex and hasn't felt she can talk to me.
I know I can't stop them and as long as they are safe, I can accept it as it's one of those things that will happen. And I would prefer she was on her own territory where she may feel safe. But this has come on very suddenly, she's gone from a very quiet unsociable teen to this in a matter of weeks.
She's my only child, so I've got no experience, other than my own. Which is my parents didn't speak to me about it and I ended up sneaking around, and actually ended up getting pregnant at 16 with DD.
Has anyone got any pointers or experiences how they have dealt with girls this age and their first dalliances?
I am furious though as to the lying and plotting going on behind my back though and I need to deal with that. But I'm unsure on how to as I know that coming down hard might force her into doing more behind my back and potentially in an unsafe environment.
Thanks