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Original poster

Is this a really dickish thing to say or am I massively over-reacting?

75 replies

summerinthecity71 · 17/06/2022 13:27

I called my boyfriend at work today (on his mobile) to discuss our upcoming weekend away (we're flying somewhere in the UK for the weekend and I wanted to chat to him urgently about something).

He picked up and his response was: "Did you mean to call me?"

This has made me fucking rage and I told him. I find it breathtakingly rude: to me it sounds like the sort of thing you would say to someone you were having an affair with if you didn't want colleagues catching on. He apologised and said it wasn't intended like that and I said I never want to be spoken to like that and I find it bizarre that someone who speaks on the phone all the time for work should find it so difficult to speak to someone they are supposed to love. I realise I probably over-reacted but this has really upset me.

For context and not to drip feed: relationship is generally very good. We've been together four years, he's generally very respectful and considerate but can sometimes lack emotional intelligence.

We communicate almost exclusively via WhatsApp when we're not together. I know he's not good with personal phonecalls etc. To my knowledge there's no bar against making personal phonecalls at work.

Do I need to take a chill pill or would anyone else be irrationally pissed off at this?

OP posts:
justamushypea · 17/06/2022 13:31

Do you usually call him a lot at work? If it is a rare thing then his reply is quite normal and I think you overreacted.

My DH never answers his phone at work so if I ever do call him he gets panicky and thinks its for something serious.

I would chill a bit and enjoy your weekend away.

Discovereads · 17/06/2022 13:33

I think you’ve massively over-reacted.
“Did you mean to call me?” When you communicate almost exclusively over WhatsApp is a fair question.

It shouldn’t have made you fucking rage nor is it breathtakingly rude. And saying it sounds like the sort of thing you would say to someone you were having an affair with if you didn't want colleagues catching on is just batshit from another galaxy.

He then apologised (no idea why) but you raged on and said
I never want to be spoken to like that and I find it bizarre that someone who speaks on the phone all the time for work should find it so difficult to speak to someone they are supposed to love.

Which was really rude as you’re saying he’s an idiot and called his love into question.

Honestly, you owe him an apology for hitting the ceiling over something so minor and going on a verbal rampage as a result.

Original poster
summerinthecity71 · 17/06/2022 13:34

@justamushypea

No I very rarely call him at all: only for immediate or urgent stuff because we constantly WhatsApp. But its not beyond the realms of possibility that I might call him if we're about to get a flight somewhere.

I just thought there was something quite inconsiderate and cruel about this response, as if he was trying to warn me off or something. But maybe I did over-react.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 17/06/2022 13:35

YABVU. I've often said the same to DH, because we rarely call each other.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 17/06/2022 13:35

Chill pill.

If I was in his position and I got an unexpected and unusual call at work I might say the same, and not think I was being breathtakingly rude.

Original poster
summerinthecity71 · 17/06/2022 13:35

@Discovereads fair enough. I don't know why it wound me up so much but I was really offended by it. Clearly I was wrong.

OP posts:
Fullsomefrenchie · 17/06/2022 13:36

Is there a back story op in terms of your mental health? That’s such an extreme over reaction it’s concerning. There is nothing wrong with asking if you meant to call him it’s certainly not cruel or inconsiderate.

badaboomed · 17/06/2022 13:36

If I have a missed call from my partner I normally text back and ask if they meant to call.
We rarely call so it's more likely to be a mistake

RisingSunn · 17/06/2022 13:37

I think you owe him an apology. It’s a normal question if you called in the middle of a work day - when usually you communicate by WhatsApp.

I say this to my husband when he calls me at a time; that he doesn’t usually - and vice versa.

girlmom21 · 17/06/2022 13:38

Yeah this is an absolutely huge overreaction to a perfectly legitimate question.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 17/06/2022 13:38

You are being totally unreasonable! and a bit bonkers.

Original poster
summerinthecity71 · 17/06/2022 13:38

@Fullsomefrenchie

If you mean do I have a history of poor mental health not particularly.

Obviously I did overreact and need to apologise.

OP posts:
hoorayandupsherises · 17/06/2022 13:39

Yeah, I rarely call DH at work and vice versa and I think both of us are likely to say that.

Your reaction seems very OTT. Are you stressed about the travel? Something else?

CountryCatLady · 17/06/2022 13:39

I don't think his response was unreasonable since most of your communication is over text. My BF and I very rarely call. In fact I think I said the same thing one of the last times he called me. Normally if we call each other we let each other know before, or it is an emergency.

SummerHouse · 17/06/2022 13:42

I answer this to my mum. Or call her back and open with this. She pocket dials me often. She never gets the rage.

I think he panicked that something was wrong / was surprised you called him. I don't think it was meant as dismissive or rude. I really don't.

Maybe ask him why he asked that. Perhaps he was slightly annoyed but that's not about you, if anything it's maybe about his phone phobia.

emuloc · 17/06/2022 13:43

Yes you have overacted. At least you can see that you owe your partner an apology. It certainly was not a cruel thing for him to have said.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/06/2022 13:45

You're overreacting

You don't normally call him at work - it's a shorthand way of checking if it's urgent. Texting him to say you need to talk would have been better.

theemmadilemma · 17/06/2022 13:46

Yeah you need to apologise.

If someone rarely calls me and we usually communicate by message I'm going to presume they hit the wrong button...

MrsReeves · 17/06/2022 13:47

Discovereads · 17/06/2022 13:33

I think you’ve massively over-reacted.
“Did you mean to call me?” When you communicate almost exclusively over WhatsApp is a fair question.

It shouldn’t have made you fucking rage nor is it breathtakingly rude. And saying it sounds like the sort of thing you would say to someone you were having an affair with if you didn't want colleagues catching on is just batshit from another galaxy.

He then apologised (no idea why) but you raged on and said
I never want to be spoken to like that and I find it bizarre that someone who speaks on the phone all the time for work should find it so difficult to speak to someone they are supposed to love.

Which was really rude as you’re saying he’s an idiot and called his love into question.

Honestly, you owe him an apology for hitting the ceiling over something so minor and going on a verbal rampage as a result.

This with bells on. you sound batshit

OnaBegonia · 17/06/2022 13:47

Apology needed, your reaction is beyond ridiculous and quite unhinged, if you rarely call it's quite natural he'd think you'd pocket dialled.

Sidge · 17/06/2022 13:48

Gosh that’s a really disproportionate response from you!

My DP and I don’t live together and rarely call each other, we message via WhatsApp so if he calls he’s either pocket dialled me or something is wrong.

Why would that make you so angry?

Usernamechanged · 17/06/2022 13:49

Unless there is backstory here about him otherwise being an arsehole, then yes - monumental and bizarre overreaction that calls for an apology. Good on you for owning that though. Enjoy your weekend away!

rocksonrocks · 17/06/2022 13:50

That is completely bonkers! You've got some making up to do on your weekend away it seems. Blush

GreyTS · 17/06/2022 13:55

Wow!! Sorry but you are massively overreacting! I have said exactly the same to my BF when he called me at work, because he never calls me at work

luckylavender · 17/06/2022 13:55

summerinthecity71 · 17/06/2022 13:34

@justamushypea

No I very rarely call him at all: only for immediate or urgent stuff because we constantly WhatsApp. But its not beyond the realms of possibility that I might call him if we're about to get a flight somewhere.

I just thought there was something quite inconsiderate and cruel about this response, as if he was trying to warn me off or something. But maybe I did over-react.

I think it's quite normal for him to react like that frankly. We forget that we!re supposed to work when we're at work. I get really mad with my retired mother when she calls me at work for something that could wait. And then she gets arsey with me like you describe. I'm sure you're perfectly capable of messaging to ask when he's free.