Is this a really dickish thing to say or am I massively over-reacting?

[summerinthecity71]

I called my boyfriend at work today (on his mobile) to discuss our upcoming weekend away (we're flying somewhere in the UK for the weekend and I wanted to chat to him urgently about something).

He picked up and his response was: "Did you mean to call me?"

This has made me fucking rage and I told him. I find it breathtakingly rude: to me it sounds like the sort of thing you would say to someone you were having an affair with if you didn't want colleagues catching on. He apologised and said it wasn't intended like that and I said I never want to be spoken to like that and I find it bizarre that someone who speaks on the phone all the time for work should find it so difficult to speak to someone they are supposed to love. I realise I probably over-reacted but this has really upset me.

For context and not to drip feed: relationship is generally very good. We've been together four years, he's generally very respectful and considerate but can sometimes lack emotional intelligence.

We communicate almost exclusively via WhatsApp when we're not together. I know he's not good with personal phonecalls etc. To my knowledge there's no bar against making personal phonecalls at work.

Do I need to take a chill pill or would anyone else be irrationally pissed off at this?

Yes you do but it’s so so extreme. What do you mean it’s something uou say to someone you’d have an affair with, that’s such an odd thought, and to Use so many dramatic words “breathtakingly rude” “fucking rage” “cruel” “warn me off””never want to be spoken to like that”.

the dude just asked if you meant to call. Can you not see it how concerning your immediate extreme anger and rage over nothing is?

Total overreaction. He’s likely wondering wtf has pickled your onions.

Have a nice weekend away. Chill out.

if it is from what you say very unusual for you to call him butt dial and emergency are probably the two scenarios I'd think most likely. It sounds likes part of his brain was thinking butt dial even as he started talking.

I'll give 'didn't express himself well' but unless there's a lot more going on than you've told us the level of anger and hostility sounds massively disproportionate to 'BF thought my call was probably a buttdial'.

Wow. Just wow.
please never call me!

YABU.

If anything YOU were rude and YOU displayed lack of emotional maturity.

I honestly find your response baffling, you're lucky hes clearly a lot more laid back than you.

I myself don't see anything inconsiderate or cruel in it. If he isn't usually inconsiderate or cruel it definitely sounds like he deserves the benefit of the doubt.

"Everything ok hun?" would definitely have been a better direction to go with

When I'm stressed/hormonal I can sometimes come across as over-reacting or being a bit snappy. I think we all do it sometimes in the spur of the moment. It doesn't mean we all have 'mental health issues.'

A few PPs seem to be piling on you and calling you 'batshit,' which feels a bit full on.

I think you've acknowledged you've over reacted and owe him an apology.

Have a nice weekend away.

Absolutely this. There's a bit of irony in some of the responses.

Fucking hell! Huge overreaction

Personally, I think his tone, the way he said it, is very relevant. If his tone was dismissive and rude, that changes things.

Blimey, what a huge over reaction.

It's the kind of thing I'd probably say to my DH because we tend to WhatsApp rather than call during our working days. I'd be checking he hadn't pocket dialled. Maybe he's just extremely tolerant of me

I think you owe him an apology.

You feel the op was a bit snappy ? Did you read the op? And if stressed isn’t a mental health issue, what is it?

Yabu. My oh would assume I'd bum dialled him by mistake as I rarely call him!!

Yep. Especially if I was at work, I'd assume a pocket dial. And if I was busy I can quite imagine saying just that, because I wouldn't have the headspace to tune in fully.

I can't believe that you went on such a rant, especially when he's at work, OP. Are you always as volatile?

When someone who only usually messages me calls me, I sometimes say this, thinking they have used the wrong button, as usually they have.

@Fullsomefrenchie How could I respond without reading the OP?

There is a massive difference between feeling stressed from time to time, as any human would, and living with deep-rooted stress that would have an impact on your mental health.

The OP has acknowledge that she overreacted and will apologise.

Your response to this situation would make me more cross than his.

yes a few doses of chill pills needed and an apology to your boyfriend.

That is a very extreme overreaction OP! His question was completely reasonable as you rarely call him att work. I don't understand why you reacted like that? He wasn't rude at all yet I think you were VERY rude to him. Poor guy!

OK I get it. Fair enough. Have apologised and all is well.
I clearly did over-react. I am quite stressed at the moment (not about him).

My husband rarely rings me at work, because I'm at work and likely to be busy. If I was in the middle of something and/or quite stressed I'd be pretty short with him!

If he was at work it would have been easier to text him to say 'give me a ring when you get chance'.

"We communicate almost exclusively via WhatsApp when we're not together. I know he's not good with personal phonecalls"

Well, is that not your answer there?

People quite often call me over WhatsApp by mistake (and vice versa) when meaning to just text over WhatsApp.

Sounds like you've answered your own question tbh.

Maybe?

Seriously, unless he said it in a very unpleasant tone, you definitely did