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Original poster

DH and woman playing Whatsapp Tennis

75 replies

Notatennisfan · 17/06/2022 04:25

Hand hold needed if anyone is awake.

For a while I have had some suspicions about my DH and a woman we know. So, I had a look at their activity on WhatsApp saw that DH was online for a few minutes, then as soon as he went offline she was immediately online for a few minutes. As soon as she went offline, he was then immediately online. Immediately, not even a delay of a few seconds. Like passing the ball in a game of tennis. This has happened a few times a day when he is at work.

Don’t judge me but it was freaking me out so much, tonight I managed to access his phone and couldn’t see any messages between the two of them. Then I searched their groups in common and found a group chat with just the two of them hidden in his archive folder. There were some recent messages but nothing dodgy but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t deleted them. But the whole thing feels suspicious. Especially the hiding in the archive folder as that means the messages don’t pop up on his phone.

I’m not sure what I’m asking for. Maybe reassurance that it is just a coincidence?

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 17/06/2022 04:26

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IstayedForTheFeminism · 17/06/2022 04:27

I didn't even know you could see that level of activity on WhatsApp! Mind you I don't think it's 100% accurate either.

ExitChasedByABee · 17/06/2022 04:29

@MolliciousIntent Maybe her instincts told to? Also, you have no right calling people names!

ExitChasedByABee · 17/06/2022 04:29

ExitChasedByABee · 17/06/2022 04:29

@MolliciousIntent Maybe her instincts told to? Also, you have no right calling people names!

told her to*

ExitChasedByABee · 17/06/2022 04:34

@Notatennisfan Hopefully you can get to the bottom of this. Just a heads up, archiving chats doesn’t mean something is going on. I often archive chats when I don’t want to chat to someone or if I want to respond to their messages later and don’t want to open the chat window or if I’ve muted a group and don’t want to accidentally click on it and so I archive it instead.

Original poster
Notatennisfan · 17/06/2022 04:41

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I do feel like I have gone insane. My instinct told me something was going on between them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notatennisfan · 17/06/2022 04:42

ExitChasedByABee · 17/06/2022 04:34

@Notatennisfan Hopefully you can get to the bottom of this. Just a heads up, archiving chats doesn’t mean something is going on. I often archive chats when I don’t want to chat to someone or if I want to respond to their messages later and don’t want to open the chat window or if I’ve muted a group and don’t want to accidentally click on it and so I archive it instead.

Thank you. I’m hoping there is an innocent explanation for all of it.

OP posts:
MsChatterbox · 17/06/2022 05:05

The hiding of it would really make me suspicious too! Are you friends with the woman?

Original poster
Notatennisfan · 17/06/2022 05:07

MsChatterbox · 17/06/2022 05:05

The hiding of it would really make me suspicious too! Are you friends with the woman?

Not good friends, but I know her.

OP posts:
Dnadoon · 17/06/2022 05:10

Trust your instincts. Sounds dodgy to me.

Lulooo · 17/06/2022 05:39

Why create a group with just one other person? Why not just chat directly on whatsapp? And why archive it if it's a recent conversation unless you're hiding it?
Also, unless you have genuine and strong reason to do so, snooping around your partner's phone is an invasion of privacy regardless of what you accidentally stumble onto.

Darhon · 17/06/2022 05:58

In an active conversation wouldn’t they both be online at the same time? If I’m whatsapping back and forth in a real-time text conversation, the person I message is online at the same time as me. They don’t go offline while I reply unless they leave WhatsApp as I am typing. What you describe is possible, but I don’t think it’s watertight to proove anything and they’d be more likely to be online together at the same time.

Eightiesfan · 17/06/2022 06:27

To be honest there’s not enough information to go on, however, I personally find the group chat issue is very suspicious.

Are there any changes in routine or behaviour that made you check his phone in the first place?

If so, as much as others might disagree, if I was in your position, I think I might also have “invaded his privacy”

Minoloso · 17/06/2022 06:30

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Ooh you got the first snarky comment in, have a gold star 🙄

User1406 · 17/06/2022 07:08

It's a tricky one because one hand, it could be perfectly innocent if the messages are nothing untoward. On the other hand, the archiving of a very recent chat is a bit odd.

I know someone who had an affair and he used to mute her whatsapp conversations so that they wouldn't pop up on his phone as a notification. This reminds me of that a little.....

NashvilleQueen · 17/06/2022 07:23

Just to say that since the last update what's app has started doing something weird with the archive folder. And not just for groups.

I've missed a few messages because they either were put immediately into archive or exciting discussions have been moved. None of it by me.

ItDoesMyHeadIn · 17/06/2022 07:24

You're not insane. You're a woman who suspects she is being cheated on. I consider myself to be reasonably stable albeit having the temper of Satan. If I wanted to get to the truth of such a matter I would rip up the Empire State building if I had to. Trust your instincts and keep digging, I wouldn't like the look of this either.

For the record I have a friend who was about to get married and she became utterly convinced he was having an affair with one of her friends... despite the two people not even knowing each other and there being NO red flags whatsoever. Everyone told her she was mental. She was right - wedding was cancelled and he is still with OW today.

We just know.

Dozycuntlaters · 17/06/2022 07:30

The fact that he has archived the messages speaks for itself. Although, as soon as someone adds a message it goes into active chat so it will pop up on his phone so he's obviously just archiving once the conversation is done.

I only archive messages that are either precious to me (my late dads messages) or ones I don't want anyone else to see.

You need to talk to him though. Stop looking at his WhatsApp, I've been there and done that and it's torturous and soul destroying. Either stay quiet and see how if you can spot any other signs or just have it out with him but for your own sanity lay off his phone.

ElenaSt · 17/06/2022 07:30

Why would he be chatting to her in the first place?

caringcarer · 17/06/2022 07:31

He may or may not be meeting up with OW in real life but I think it sounds like an emotional affair at the least.

Hiddenvoice · 17/06/2022 10:03

I’ve archived a few messages, sometimes its by mistake and others I feel the conversation is over and im not likely to speak to them soon so archive it.
i think you need to speak to him. Checking his phone and his online status will only make you feel more anxious. Just speak to him calmly and openly and explain you have concerns about him and this ow. Just see his reaction. If he’s honest he might laugh it off and then see you’re worried and show you messages or just explain what they are talking about. If he’s hiding something then he might put the blame on you but don’t be surprised with him being annoyed at you checking his phone.
Is there a reason you suspected this ow? Could he have been messaging someone else and it’s just a coincidence?
I say this as a distant friend was messaging me one day. I have his partners number on my phone and we’ve messaged a few times too. She then confronted him and i asking what was going on between us. She thought messages had been deleted. There was nothing going on and the conversation was nothing but polite asking about kids school work etc. He wasn’t messing around with anyone, wasn’t flirting in messages was just reaching out for a friend. They are very happy now but she needed to be open with her worries.

Hiddenvoice · 17/06/2022 10:04

Also if a message is archived and a new message pops up it does not always go into the active chat section. I regularly archive work chats and the way I know there’s a message is by opening WhatsApp and seeing a one next to archived.

Fullsomefrenchie · 17/06/2022 10:06

It’s not hidden in archive it’s just archived. What’s app does it if that’s your settings or were when the convo took place.

I actually agree with the first poster, are you really sitting watching when they are both on line? Look if your marriage is this bad speak to him.not one person can tell you if they are having an affair from this bizzare stalking activity.

Sauce99 · 17/06/2022 12:06

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cushionpillow · 17/06/2022 13:11

Observe... don't say anything or do anything for the moment. It could take a couple of months but if there is something I be found, you will find it.

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