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Original poster

New relationship - different parts of UK. Can it work?

82 replies

9552n · 14/06/2022 09:42

I've recently met a lovely new man. Haven't felt this way about anyone for a long time. He's said similar to me.
We met at an event for a shared interest, held recently in London.
Issues are: I live in the north UK and he's near the south west.
I can't drive (medical reason) so would have to rely on trains to visit him.
Also I'm a single parent to 2 DC who are at primary school.
I'm very settled in my local area, own my house and a good career. Also have my family on the doorstep, as well as friends. Basically my entire support network.
How can we make this work?
It takes him about 4 hours to drive to my city but I can't expect him to drive to see me every time.
Also I've not told my DC about him as it's far too early.

OP posts:
HappypusSadpus · 15/06/2022 14:07

You've met him 3 times since in person. Why are you even worrying yet? He might be an arse.

Aprilx · 15/06/2022 14:17

Ohthatsexciting · 15/06/2022 13:47

But as the only parent in the scenario… His wants and needs have to take second place to what is good for the children.

and rushing things, moving quickly etc… is absolutely not in the best interests of the OP’s children despite it possibly being in the interests of the childless, single man she has met 3x

Show quote history

Eh? My point (to a previous poster) is that a man might want to have to have a family of his own one day - this was in response to the poster that suggested that maybe they don’t have a conventional relationship and can tick along in LDR for years and years.

I am not even remotely suggested that the OP ought to rush into anything so I won’t bother to respond to the rest of your post. You seem to have either misread or misunderstood the context of my post.

Ohthatsexciting · 15/06/2022 14:25

I simply brought it back to the OP’s situation. I assumed you were also referring to the OP’s situations too because you said “the man is single and childless, which this man is

User1406 · 15/06/2022 15:01

Long distance relationships can work, of course, lots of people have been in them. It's about whether it can work for YOU.

I personally couldn't do it. I met someone young, ended up moving to different cities and being in a long-distance relationship. Lasted a few years then we broke up for various reasons, but most of those reasons led back to the distance. So I'd never do long-distance again.

With long-distance relationships, the key is communication. If you are both willing to regularly communicate and regularly make plans to see each other, it can work. A big thing as well is that there needs to be a plan for it to eventually NOT be long-distance. Part of my relationship breakdown was due to the fact that neither of us had really thought about the end of long-distance. We made no plans for either of us to move. Because, yes, eventually at least one of you will have to move.

I know it's still very early days for you but those are definitely things to consider. The last thing you want to do is to break your own heart by getting attached to someone and realising that it just logistically won't work in the long run.

MayMi · 15/06/2022 15:14

Seeing as he doesn't have DC of his own, I think it's fair for him to be the one to travel more to see you rather than you go to him. Also maybe sometimes you could meet somewhere in between where you both live.

Long distance can work but one person has to move eventually if the relationship progresses enough. My now DH and I lived in different countries for 4 out of 6 years before he proposed. We're now married 3 years, together and are very happy.

Blonde35 · 16/06/2022 01:33

The short answer is this, yes it can work.

One of my best friends has been with her husband for around 18 years married for 12. For the entire time they've been together he has worked abroad, for between 2-4 months at a time (same job different places), and while he's working away they have minimal contact due to the nature of his job. Their marriage is strong and they now have 2 children.

This is not much different to an LDR in terms of how often they are together...

But LDRs take work and they aren't for everyone. So be sure it's what you want

Beingadiv · 16/06/2022 07:36

MayMi · 15/06/2022 15:14

Seeing as he doesn't have DC of his own, I think it's fair for him to be the one to travel more to see you rather than you go to him. Also maybe sometimes you could meet somewhere in between where you both live.

Long distance can work but one person has to move eventually if the relationship progresses enough. My now DH and I lived in different countries for 4 out of 6 years before he proposed. We're now married 3 years, together and are very happy.

Sorry but I think setting out with the expectation that he should travel because OP has kids and he doesn't and that is fair will not stand the relationship in good stead. He might not have kids but he presumably has other commitments on his energy and time such as work etc that mean he may not want to do all the travelling. Ok, it may not end up being 50/50 exactly but there's no point going into a LDR without being willing or able to travel.

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