Husband too strict with toddler

[xkcd519]

I caught DH smacking 14 month old DS today. DH put some foam corner guards on a few tables and DS immediately got up and started chewing on them. DH said 'no' and pulled DS away. Them DS went straight back to one of the corner guards. DH then smacked DS on the bum.

On quite a few occasions previously DH has slapped DS on the hand or flicked his fingers hard enough to make him cry to punish him for grabbing something he shouldn't be touching.

DH accuses me of being too lenient. He says that DS only throws tantrums when I am around and that he never cries when I am at work. DS makes very loud high pitched squealing noises all the time (he even puts his fingers in his own ears when he squeals) and DH says that he squeals because I spoil him too much. In the car this morning DH ordered me to splash water over DS's face every time he squeals.

DS is also quite clingy these days. Often DH asks me to do something and it takes me a while to complete the requested chore because I first have to find a sufficiently engaging toy to entice him to the floor, or because I have to complete the chore one-handed whilst holding DS. DH frequently gets impatient and orders me to 'just put him down and let him scream'.

He sounds absolutely foul and I wouldn't want him anywhere near my child. Smacking for normal child behaviour? Splashing him with water when he makes a noise? You don't train a dog like that, much less a toddler.

Your husband is abusive. Your poor baby. You need to protect your child and get away from this awful man

Leave and take that poor baby with you, your DH is a disgusting bully.

He's abusive scum and I bet your DS will want nothing to do with him once he's older.

Disgusting hitting a baby! I couldn't stay with someone that thinks that is ok..

Also I would class it as abusive not strict

Sounds like your toddler is clinging to you because he's being abused😥and your H is trying to get you to participate.

Can you call Women's Aid for a talk?

Your husband's methods constitute child abuse.

Not too strict ABUSIVE

Yeah, that’s not strict parenting. That’s abuse.

Where do you live Op? If Scotland or Wales then your husband is definitely a criminal. If I’m England or Northern Ireland then he is probably a criminal. Smacking is illegal in Scotland and Wales in all circumstances. In England and Northern Ireland it is illegal unless “reasonable punishment”. The definition of reasonable punishment is not well defined but is partly dependent on age. With a 14month old I think he would be hard pressed to say it is reasonable to hit and flick at his baby.

I would contact the police and social services and get him taken away from your poor child.

Jesus OP, do you not see how awful this is? Your son is a baby, he’s 1! He’s a baby who’s being deliberately hurt by one of the two adults who are supposed to keep him safe, secure and happy. That’s child abuse.

Are you scared of him? Does he hurt you?

You need to step up and protect your baby which means kicking your abusive, cruel, violent husband out today, telling your health visitor and GP what’s going on and do everything you can to stop him having unsupervised access.

Your child is being hurt, damaged, traumatised in his own home. Do something to make that stop.

Jesus just read it again and it's so awful..Please tell me you didn't take part and flick water on your poor babies face 😩😩

Your husband sounds horrible. I believe in being very strict with children, but that means a firm voice and immediate consequences for bad behaviour, it doesn't mean hitting them or throwing water at them. That's vile.

I think it will only get worse, and you should consider whether you really want this man involved in your life.

Please get help, and get away from him. This is abusive, not strict.

I would say I’m a fairly strict parent, I smacked my child once as a toddler and I still regret it she’s now 14. Repeatedly smacking/flicking/putting water on a toddler is not strict it’s cruel and also illegal.

Have you talked about how you're going to manage your child's behaviour? You clearly have different opinions of this. It will cause a whole world of conflict if you can't agree.

It sounds to me like he's bullying you into his way. His way sounds crap.

After DS has gone to bed, have an honest conversation about parenting your child.

You know that this is wrong OP. The onus is on your now to ensure your child is safe and away from his abuser.

What the fuck

OP, when the law was changed in Scotland the clause of ‘justifiable assault’ was removed. Is it ever justifiable to assault a toddler? I know this was thought to be in their interests some decades ago but if you do your research, there is a wealth of international evidence that this doesn’t lead to good outcomes for children. Fair enough if your husband wants to discuss your different views on boundaries but there are more effective ways to set limits for wee ones.

Your poor baby son. Please take your DS away from this man before he becomes too traumatised. A grown man should have control of himself and not be hitting a baby. It is abuse and you need to protect your child and leave

You need to get your baby away from his abusive father and keep him away. I would be leaving today. Your husband is disgrace and you need to protect your child from him at all costs.

No child should be abused and what you're writing of re your H is abusive behaviour from him towards his child.

Are you afraid of him and his reactions too?.

Stop with any and all hand wringing here and get both yourself and your child away from your abuser as soon as possible. He is not safe to be around his child.

Flicking water in his face? Fucking Hell.

There is a line between being very strict and being abusive.
Your husband has crossed it.
Your poor baby.