Husband too strict with toddler

[xkcd519]

I caught DH smacking 14 month old DS today. DH put some foam corner guards on a few tables and DS immediately got up and started chewing on them. DH said 'no' and pulled DS away. Them DS went straight back to one of the corner guards. DH then smacked DS on the bum.

On quite a few occasions previously DH has slapped DS on the hand or flicked his fingers hard enough to make him cry to punish him for grabbing something he shouldn't be touching.

DH accuses me of being too lenient. He says that DS only throws tantrums when I am around and that he never cries when I am at work. DS makes very loud high pitched squealing noises all the time (he even puts his fingers in his own ears when he squeals) and DH says that he squeals because I spoil him too much. In the car this morning DH ordered me to splash water over DS's face every time he squeals.

DS is also quite clingy these days. Often DH asks me to do something and it takes me a while to complete the requested chore because I first have to find a sufficiently engaging toy to entice him to the floor, or because I have to complete the chore one-handed whilst holding DS. DH frequently gets impatient and orders me to 'just put him down and let him scream'.

I would leave any man who hurt my child and report him to the police for the continued abuse you're describing.

Just out of interest did you spray your DC face when told to?

A lot of women in controlling/abusive relationships find they feel they have to do stuff they wouldn't otherwise do. Some are even turned out into prostitution, or shoplifting etc.

@xkcd519 If you felt you had to do this then you can still turn it around now, leave ASAP. I would try and safely collect some evidence of what he's doing, though, for custody reasons.

Is this how he was brought up? Perhaps he sees it as normal behaviour.

I do think you need to leave for your son's safety, as people who see this behaviour as normal are unlikely to change. There is no way you can have a sensible conversation with him about this and get him to understand.

I really think you have n0o choice but to go.

Is there somewhere you can go or someone who can help you?

Your child is too young to understand right from wrong. He's only 14 months old.. Kids will make mistakes, that's how they learn but flicking their fingers and hitting them and asking you to splash water in your toddlers face is definitely not discipline. It sounds like abuse. This sounds concerning both for you and your child. Be very careful leaving your child with this man.

Gosh, I didn't usually read threads and cry LTB but honestly I have a toddler 6 months older than your lo and I would leave my dh if he did this. A 14 month won't be able to make any sense of what your dh is doing to him other than to feel sad and afraid that a main caregiver is hurting him. That makes me feel so sad. He's totally dependent on you to love and protect him, please don't let him down by letting your dh treat him this way.

The ‘never cries when your at work’ comment has left me feeling a bit sick actually. Because either he gets a smack/flick as soon as he makes a noise or he’s already, at 14 months old, terrified of his father. Please don’t stay, it will escalate. If he can’t appropriately deal with the baby stage, I dread to think how he would deal with a toddler tantrum- because you know, they’re toddlers and cannot regulate their emotions- even more so a toddler who only experiences pain when trying to express their frustration/emotion.

I agree with everyone else. Hard as it may be you have to see things for what they are and put your child first.This is not right.He's abusive and asking you to "squirt water" in your toddlers face is cruel and this is coercion. Even if he's the child's father he is not right for you. If you stay with him and he continues to do these things, your child will be at risk of being taken into care. You must leave this man asap.

Omg I felt sick reading this. He's not being strict, he is ABUSING your 1 year old baby ffs!!!!

How can you not see the seriousness of this? You don't appear to realise how vile he is being...hitting, grabbing, and throwing water in the face of someone is abuse. To do it to a baby is just absolutely abhorrent. .

If you love your baby you need to leave. It doesn't matter if you don't have much money, even a hostel would be a healthier environment than him being brought up being bullied by his psycho 'father'.

Your husband is not being 'strict', he is an abusive bully who is harming your son. It is your job to protect your child. Get that man man away from your son...

This made me feel sick. Your poor little boy is being abused. Please protect him from this vile human

If he's like that with a 14 month old, what is he going to be like when your son goes through terrible twos, or has tantrums, learns to answer back or the dreaded 'no'? It's only going to get worse from now so get out before your son is old enough to realise, speak out for him because he can't do it himself.

Reading a parenting book or watching Insta videos isn't going to make him have an epiphany and stop abusing the child. He's not smacking because he doesn't know how to be a 'modern' parent. He's doing it because he's abusive. Self-help stuff with my change that. Nothing will.

I'm not surprised ds is clingy,your dh is abusing him and you know it,as a mother your job is to protect your child,ditch the monster!