Husband too strict with toddler

[xkcd519]

I caught DH smacking 14 month old DS today. DH put some foam corner guards on a few tables and DS immediately got up and started chewing on them. DH said 'no' and pulled DS away. Them DS went straight back to one of the corner guards. DH then smacked DS on the bum.

On quite a few occasions previously DH has slapped DS on the hand or flicked his fingers hard enough to make him cry to punish him for grabbing something he shouldn't be touching.

DH accuses me of being too lenient. He says that DS only throws tantrums when I am around and that he never cries when I am at work. DS makes very loud high pitched squealing noises all the time (he even puts his fingers in his own ears when he squeals) and DH says that he squeals because I spoil him too much. In the car this morning DH ordered me to splash water over DS's face every time he squeals.

DS is also quite clingy these days. Often DH asks me to do something and it takes me a while to complete the requested chore because I first have to find a sufficiently engaging toy to entice him to the floor, or because I have to complete the chore one-handed whilst holding DS. DH frequently gets impatient and orders me to 'just put him down and let him scream'.

This is awful to read. Please remove yourself and your baby from this horrific man. He's not strict. He's abusive.

Op
if you told me this in person I'd be submitting a referral to social services. This is child abuse . You know this or you wouldn't be posting. He's a baby . He's doing what babies do and he is being abused for doing it .

Also why is your husband "ordering " you to do anything?

You need some help . Now .

Shocking and abusive behaviour. A 14 month old is still a baby. Your DH needs to read some parenting books asap- recommend Philippa Perry 'the book you wish your parents had read' and also 'how to talk to young children will listen'.
He/you would also benefit from looking at Mr Chazz content on insta - he covers a lot about better ways to parent than resorting to physical chastisement.
If your DH refuses to stop physical punishment or to try and educate himself on why his parenting isn't acceptable then for me that would be a total deal breaker for me in terms of the marriage. My children, their safety and well being would always come first.

This is child abuse.

Also, a baby of that age is unable to reason or have control over their impulses so trying to discipline them out of doing something willl not work. Distraction is the key.

What on earth is your DH doing to stop the baby from crying etc when you are at work? You need to get your baby away from this man and don't leave him unattended with him.

This isn't right op it's a far too heavy handed approach to teaching a child anything. I would be very concerned about leaving your baby alone with your dh.

Is he just absolutely clueless on how to teach a child anything or do you suspect he enjoys 'disciplining' your child?

DH ordered me to splash water over DS's face every time he squeals.

Really?
Is that what his parents did to him?
This is not a stray feral cat

You’re son deserves so much better than this.

Leave. What is he doing to your baby when you're not there that means 'he doesn't have tantrums?' He's abusive and he could escalate as your DS gets older.

You’ve had some very strong replies to your post, and I agree your husband is too strict.

He may be abusive, or just have some very old fashioned views.

In the short term, I would suggest getting some parenting books, and finding all the relevant chapters on “disciplining” for your child. Parenting is now about raising and teaching. Discipline is only effective if it’s age appropriate.Get him to read them, or read them out to him.

If he won’t take this on board, and be willing to educate himself, then you have a more serious problem.

I suggest any authors should be male with professional qualifications, if you think this could be about his male ego.

Christ that is abuse

Hes a baby and he’s already learned to be terrified of his father and be quiet and proper around him so he doesn’t get hurt.

Kick the bastard out

Geez I’m a strict parent but whacking on the bum and spraying his face is going way over the top. He’s only a year old.

Trust me, this is likely to escalate as your child gets older. It's abuse.

If my DH did this I would knock seven shades out of him before kicking him out.

Asking you to chuck water in his face too? Seriously? Stop standing back and allowing this to happen

I actually cant believe some of these replies, your husband doesn't need to read a parenting book OP he is an evil bully that is abusing your baby fgs. If i were you the next time he was out of the house i would be getting my baby, packing a bag and disappearing.

OP, your DP is not strict, he is an abusive bully !!

You need to protect your DC from this abuse. No child should be allowed to be treated like that.

Just out of interest did you spray your DC fave when told to ?

What would your husband do if you slapped him every time he raised a hand to your baby? Or chucked water in his face every time he told you that you weren't parenting properly?

Bet he wouldn't take it. Bet you'd have to run and hide to avoid his response.

He's escalating to giving your baby a right battering. Or worse.

You need to run as far away as you can, reporting him for the abuse and ensuring that he isn't ever in the position where he can waterboard your baby for crying or squealing because the big scary man is frightening him.

How can you possibly allow this abuse to happen?? Your husband is horrible and you're doing nothing to protect your baby.

My blood ran cold reading this 😥your poor son

It doesn't matter is a view is old fashioned or not, it can still be abusive. This behaviour that is being described is very abusive to a small child and suggesting it isn't is dangerous for that poor little child

Its a really small step from smacking, slapping, flicking and splashing water in a small childs face to shaking, breaking bones etc

He is abusive, you need to get away from him and make sure he never gets to come near your child again.

I also think its interesting he 'gives you chores' and complains if you dont do them quick enough. I think theres every chance you are both being abused here which is possibly why you dont recognise just how abhorrent his behaviour is

speak to womens aid as a bare minimum

Oh wow.

If he is this abusive towards your son now...what is he going to be like over the coming years. They get far more testing in the toddler years.

I hope you didn't splash him with water..

He ‘ordered’ you to? Please say you didn’t comply with his order?

I hate to think what he does to that poor child when he is on his own with him.

Probably most of my generation (mid 40s now) were slapped but most people bringing up kids nowadays don't think it's ok and don't do it @xkcd519 .

In the car this morning DH ordered me to splash water over DS's face every time he squeals.

I think this would've been seen as abuse even decades ago.

A lot of women would leave him and try and stop him seeing DS through the family courts @xkcd519 . You could try emailing him to discuss what he's doing as then if he replies via email, you'll have evidence of what he's doing. Or somehow secretly keep your phone on sometimes so it records audio and tell him to stop abusing your DS, or record him doing stuff like it.

Read all these posts, your baby is too young to understand and should not be subjected to abuse at all. Leave asap.