I stupidly became pregnant by being reckless with contraception, thinking I was in a relationship for keeps. Had 35th birthday and also felt pressure but mostly really grateful I’d found someone who was a good fit. We talked about kids, marriage, etc. Importance of family. We both got on really well, intimacy was good generally, good sense of humour and fundamentally he has a very responsible job and I felt he was trustworthy and a good man.
as time went on he became what I can only describe as immature. He would lie about small insignificant things that didn’t matter but were strange because of the lie itself. He would always say he missed his family desperately yet rarely go to see them. Then he’d cry that he hasn’t seen them. This is a man now over 40! I would tell him to go and he’d say he just doesn’t have time…yet he did, he just didn’t prioritise it. I was querying ending things and found out I was pregnant.
since then he’s had moments of being supportive and then other moments of immaturity I’ve genuinely never seen in any adult. He drinks a lot so often tipsy in the evening which I find hard so often. He is insincere…sounds silly but he’s put a photo up of us on WhatsApp but changed settings to just have it showing to me. He often photographs things like me randomly to try and see what’s on my phone. He’s quite paranoid. If he doesn’t want to do something he will just sulk. For example it was my dad’s birthday last weekend and the 50 minute journey he was quiet and stoney faced.
He has started to criticise me a bit, comments about my home and it being too sparse/needing more stuff in it.
These behaviours were honestly never something I saw coming. That’s probably massively naive of me as I’d only known him a couple of years but over time I realise now he is unrecognisable to the man I thought I had met.
I don’t know how to stay sane. I really don’t. Last night he turned up completely drunk so I couldn’t even have a conversation with him at all as he was totally out of it. Today we are supposed to be going to look at a car and then go for lunch and call in on my mum on the way back. He will be cold, uninterested, make snide comments. I don’t feel loved or happy. I don’t know what im asking really. Just feel like a fool, nobody in their 30s would get this so wrong.