I've been happily married for over twenty years. My husband, whom I adore, comes from another county and when we met we had a whirlwind romance and then he relocated to be with me. He is very much integrated into my world . My parents love him and my family helped set him up in business. He had a sometimes difficult life before he met me but we are now well-off, settled, with three happy children and he is enmeshed in our community.
Before we met, my husband had a 15 year turbulent relationship which ended when he cheated on her. We met a few years after their split and he told me that she was his great love, and that he still had feelings for her, but that they couldn't make the relationship work. He said I made him feel loved and he chose to be with me.
I am certain that my husband has not been in contact with his ex since we married, and the internet tells me she has gone on to build her own life. However, recently I found out that he has been messaging her, asking if they can be in touch. She has not responded, but he is persisting and the tone of his emails have an intimacy that makes me uncomfortable ('You mean so much to me,' 'My feelings have not changed'). I don't believe she will answer as his brother told me years ago that she cut him out of her life when we met.
My husband doesn't know I've seen the emails. Part of me thinks that I should just let this blow over. He has nothing to go back to in his home country and everything to loose here. But I feel disrespected. I also feel as if I am second best in his heart.
Any advice on how to handle this situation?