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Original poster

Advice please, should I be dealing with this?!

59 replies

Aleex · 09/06/2022 23:34

Hello, so I've recently started to speak to someone new via an OLD app, I'm 32 and he is 35. We spoke initially for a couple of days and the conversation was going well, he then video called me via the app. We decided to meet up after 3 days whereby we met on Thursday last week. The date overall was great, he told me a lot about his family situation quite early early on. Father is divorced and now married to a somewhat younger woman and has 2 young children with her, mum is on end of life care and brothers don't really have a relationship with him. He also mentioned that he would cut his father off and would only go to his funeral if he passed, but never speak to him again.

After meeting, we continued to speak and decided that we felt a vibe so we both will lay off the app. We met again on the Sunday, this was more of an intimate date. He has a stomach hernia and after consuming foods that affected him he started to suffer. He went to a Sunday dinner straight after we met and also ate from there. This caused him severed sickness overnight. He was really off for a whole day which was understandable, but there was a lot of tantrums and moaning. When I questioned whether he has genuine interest he said "I'm sick, what do you want me to do or say"? But he was also out a couple of hours later, he sent me a picture.

So he messages me everyday, but recently it's changed. There are longer gaps between replies and a couple word answers, the other day he randomly sent me a message of a field and said, "do you ever come to a field break down and then feel better"? He never asks me how I am, or how I am feeling (I informed him of my situation at present which is also terrible, but I don't discuss it) whereas I always ask whether he's going well and give him positive support and advice.

Earlier today he sent me a video discussing feminism and men being oppressors just randomly out of the blue. I don't get what he is trying to get at? I have an amazing career, I train 6x a week and have a lot of consistency in my life. I can hold my own and never asked any guy I've been in a relationship for anything.

What should I do?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/06/2022 23:43

Why on earth are you even talking to this man? Raise your bar. He sounds absolutely awful.

VeryWorriedDaughter · 09/06/2022 23:50

He ain't it hun! Xx

PriestessofPing · 10/06/2022 00:01

You should refuse to become the latest instrument in his poor me symphony and block his ass.

Amdone123 · 10/06/2022 00:02

It shouldn't be this difficult. You should be enjoying yourself with an equal. Sounds like he wants someone to look after him.
You deserve much, much more.

Watchkeys · 10/06/2022 00:24

What should you do regarding the man you've dated twice and who has totally bewildered you?

PeopleRStrange · 10/06/2022 00:27

HollowTalk · 09/06/2022 23:43

Why on earth are you even talking to this man? Raise your bar. He sounds absolutely awful.

This, and more of this

ElenaSt · 10/06/2022 00:32

in my expert opinion he sounds a complete twat.

You sound kind and intelligent and I know you can do much better than him.

Shedcity · 10/06/2022 00:34

I have no idea why you even need to ask
so you should break up with him and then figure out why your bar is so low before you OLD again

FlissyPaps · 10/06/2022 00:55

He sounds batshit OP.

I wouldn’t contact/see him again.

Aquamarine1029 · 10/06/2022 00:59

Fucking hell, op. You really have to ask? Why are your standards in the gutter?

junebirthdaygirl · 10/06/2022 01:03

On another thread l saw this:
If a guy is interested you will know
If he is causing confusion just drop him.
Don't waste time and energy on him. He is not worth it.

avamiah · 10/06/2022 01:13

  1. You hardly know him.

  2. You are not in a relationship with him.

  3. He sounds a complete weirdo and

  4. You are obviously very busy with your career and training 6 days a week so put him to the back of your mind and move on .

  5. Maybe train 7 days so you don’t have time to think about him.

Sunnytwobridges · 10/06/2022 03:10

He never asks me how I am, or how I am feeling

this really stood out to me as my ex never asked me how I was. And that meant to me he just didn’t care. That on top of Al the other things you mentioned, like the change in communication which usually means he’s losing interest, he’s definitely not a keeper.

CrystalCoco · 10/06/2022 06:17

avamiah · 10/06/2022 01:13

  1. You hardly know him.

  2. You are not in a relationship with him.

  3. He sounds a complete weirdo and

  4. You are obviously very busy with your career and training 6 days a week so put him to the back of your mind and move on .

  5. Maybe train 7 days so you don’t have time to think about him.

Number 5. made me laugh 😁

PetersRabbitt · 10/06/2022 06:19

Do you ever got to a field to have a breakdown? He sent that to a women his only known five minutes.

Honestly, way to much drama, get rid of this one pronto!!

UserError012345 · 10/06/2022 06:33

He will suck the life out of him if you let him. Don't let him.

Heronwatcher · 10/06/2022 06:39

He sounds awful. Needy, moody, selfish and attention seeking (if he genuinely broke down in a field I very much doubt he’d be telling people). If he’s like this after a couple of weeks when he should still be on his absolute best behaviour imagine what he’d be like a few years down the line! Ditch him and consider it a lucky escape, before he starts stalking you or some other mad shit.

bathwatertea · 10/06/2022 06:48

I’d delete him.

ChairPose9to5 · 10/06/2022 06:51

You're trying to make a relationship happen. It isn't happening. He's too weird.

Send him a text to say ''my heart's not in this, we didn't really gel, good luck out there''.

Move on.

spotcheck · 10/06/2022 06:53

To add to pp...

He told you serious family issues on your first date? Seems like he is looking for an emotional support unit, not a partner

pilates · 10/06/2022 06:59

Sounds like he has some narcissistic traits,

Move on.

Beingadiv · 10/06/2022 07:01

Nahh. He needs a therapist, not a girlfriend. Keep looking for an equal. He's an oddball. Far, far too much personal information too early and he's a drama queen. Added to not being interested in you? Sod that.

OutDamnedSpot · 10/06/2022 07:01

I don’t really understand the problem.

you’ve known him less than two weeks, met him twice. He’s clearly not the right person for you. Just end it.

“Hi Bill, on reflection, I don’t think we’re compatible. I won’t be meeting you again. Good luck on the apps, Aleex”

Then block and move on.

Original poster
Aleex · 10/06/2022 07:04

Thank you so much for your replies, I just needed some reassurance as prior to meeting him I was living my absolute best life. I feel like the world is starting to crumble around me again. I'd sent him a mini video of my face on Tuesday this week, he replied "you look tired", I felt as though it was disrespectful considering how many compliments I received that day from my colleagues. I feel as though he's taking my glow away from me!

OP posts:
MayBeee · 10/06/2022 07:07

I hope you realise if you were to get into a relationship with this man then it would always be about him and his needs.
Hint ........ run.