How long should a telling off be?

[Moomoola]

Aand another thread about husbands shouting. Dh came I in a good mood and joined in with me and the teens, chatting. He’d bought the teens a treat and all was good, until..I mentioned we’d got some diy building stuff delivered and I’d moved one bit but left the rest ( in plastic) on the grass. I couldn’t lift it, and it actually did not occur to me to seperate the pieces and unpack them. What was I thinking? Dh went mad, as it got rained on.understandably, but I just think he goes mad for too long. The kids can hear him yelling at me, which can’t be good, and even though I say ‘ that’s enough I get it’ he is like Victorian dad..’ why would you do that? You don’t care about money, is that it? I just want to know why you didn’t move it. Why didn’t the delivery man move it?’ On and on. My anxiety goes through the roof. I can’t help thinking it’s ok to be cross, but not to go on asking stupid questions. Of course I didn’t deliberately leave it out because I don’t care about money. He’s the one that spends the stuff.
sorry, just shocked at how I feel now. I feel anxious, battered ( mentally) and I can feel another notch in my carefully built self esteem crumbling away to be replaced by a bit more anxiety. Bum.

Thanks everyone. Sorry, just been a bit..I dunno..to post!
Sorry to hear that merryleg. You’ve had some awful times.

Thanks to the pp who suggested Patricia Evans "the verbally abusive relationship books.feedvu.com/nonscrolablepdf/the-verbally-abusive-relationship-how-to-recognize-it-and-how-to-respond-pdf.html?page=27 (online free copy)
I mean really THANKYOU! He’s not as extreme as Lundy but this is eye opening.

I had exactly this, OP. He would get so cross about tools and little tiny pieces of equipment going missing even though he had left them all over the house. At one point I remember wading through the kitchen bin because I’d accidentally thrown a tiny lightbulb away that was whisper in tissue. I found it at the bottom and all the rubbish was strewn in the bath. Whilst I was scabbing the bath, that was one of the last straws. I started to realise I dint want to be spoken to like this anymore …. It’s a absolutely humiliating and disgusting to have been shouted out like that. And like you it would go in for ages and even when I found the bloody thing, he would sulk for the rest of the day. So so happy to be out, I can’t tell you how much. My daughter hated seeing and hearing it too

*wrapped in a tissue

Oh redberriesthat’s awful. I’m glad you escaped.

He should have been at most mildly exasperated.

You might be able to put down some boundaries by getting properly annoyed at him for reacting inappropriately. I think sometimes people just get into bad habits with how they speak to another person and if they realize, they can change it.

Or maybe it's too ingrained for that!?

My dh is like this then sulks for day's it's so upsetting I don't k ow what to do

Tell him that this is no way to behave in a relationship, and that his sulking is driving you apart. That he's your partner, not your boss. That he either goes to couples counselling and attempts to sort it out, or you're leaving him.
I so, so wish my mum had done this to my dad, and that I'd done it to my ExH, rather than enduring miserable years.

The OP is the victim here, not the perpetrator.