Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Getting under one man to get over another

68 replies

RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:38

Has this ever worked?! I’m 6 months after a big break up and still utterly besotted with my ex - even though I was the one who broke it off.

I’ve joined an OLD site and chatting to a few nice blokes on there. Some have suggested meeting up, and I know I’m going to have to at some point, but I just can’t imagine feeling anything for someone new when my heart skips a beat just thinking about my ex.

Can I really just go out and fake it (singledom) until I make it? Or should I just come off the apps and hope that time heals?

OP posts:
GordonBennetttt · 07/06/2022 21:40

I'd say wait until you're over your ex.
Why did you end it ?

summersunherewecome · 07/06/2022 21:42

I'd say can't you get back with your ex if you are still feeling so strongly about him?

Redhotchillii · 07/06/2022 21:43

I think it will make you feel worse

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:45

GordonBennetttt · 07/06/2022 21:40

I'd say wait until you're over your ex.
Why did you end it ?

We had a big argument and he said some things I found unforgivable so I told him to get out (which he found unforgivable!) We’ve had quite a few big arguments over the years but also so much happiness and passion. It was a heady mix!

My head said ending it was the right thing to do, but my heart hasn’t caught up yet.

OP posts:
stealthninjamum · 07/06/2022 21:45

I think there are different levels of being ‘over’ an ex. It’s possible to have some small, residual feelings but be ready to move on.

I think if you’re still besotted with your ex then it’s not fair on the guys you meet up with and you probably won’t enjoy it anyway.

WorrieaboutFIL · 07/06/2022 21:45

It's worth a try

HailAdrian · 07/06/2022 21:46

I've tried doing that and all I could think was that it didn't feel right and I'd much rather be waking up with my ex we got back together.

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:47

summersunherewecome · 07/06/2022 21:42

I'd say can't you get back with your ex if you are still feeling so strongly about him?

TBH if he’d have me I would. I’ve told him I still love him and want him back, will do anything etc

He’s very sensibly said that we obviously had fundamental incompatibility, and he’s now seeing other people Sad but isn’t ruling it out entirely in the future.

So I’m left hanging and either hoping he doesn’t meet anyone better than me and takes me back, or just trying to move on too.

OP posts:
Hurstlandshome · 07/06/2022 21:47

Dating can be a distraction, as long as you're mentally in a good place. I say go for it - you don't know until you try. Good luck.

Lovemusic33 · 07/06/2022 21:48

I’m sure there are many people on dating apps that feel the same as you (I have met a few) 😬

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:48

stealthninjamum · 07/06/2022 21:45

I think there are different levels of being ‘over’ an ex. It’s possible to have some small, residual feelings but be ready to move on.

I think if you’re still besotted with your ex then it’s not fair on the guys you meet up with and you probably won’t enjoy it anyway.

Yeah. That’s not me! I hadn’t spoken to him for months, but recently met up and all the old feelings are still there (and appeared to be for him too, which is why it’s so hard).

But I get the point about it not being fair on others. I just wonder if seeing someone else in person might change things a bit?

OP posts:
LadyLolaRuben · 07/06/2022 21:49

How long was your last relationship? Six months is a bit soon to have healed and recovered which it doesn't sound like you have. I'd give it at least twelve months or until your feelings have caught up with the decision you made x

iknowthismuchis · 07/06/2022 21:49

He's not your 'one' because your one wouldn't keep you hanging like this. That's a really shitty way to treat you, can't you see that?

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:49

HailAdrian · 07/06/2022 21:46

I've tried doing that and all I could think was that it didn't feel right and I'd much rather be waking up with my ex we got back together.

Ah glad you found your way back to each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:50

LadyLolaRuben · 07/06/2022 21:49

How long was your last relationship? Six months is a bit soon to have healed and recovered which it doesn't sound like you have. I'd give it at least twelve months or until your feelings have caught up with the decision you made x

It was 9 years so yeah, maybe just too soon.

OP posts:
Lizzieismagic · 07/06/2022 21:50

Omg it worked for me!!
3 month fling and never gave exh another thought!!

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:51

iknowthismuchis · 07/06/2022 21:49

He's not your 'one' because your one wouldn't keep you hanging like this. That's a really shitty way to treat you, can't you see that?

Part of me is feeling like that.But then I can also see it from his side, I dumped him, blanked him for 6 months and then reappeared just as he was getting over me and starting to date again. It’s a gamble for him to take a chance on me and hope it doesn’t go to shit again!

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:51

Lizzieismagic · 07/06/2022 21:50

Omg it worked for me!!
3 month fling and never gave exh another thought!!

Ha Ha! Ok there is hope then.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:53

Lovemusic33 · 07/06/2022 21:48

I’m sure there are many people on dating apps that feel the same as you (I have met a few) 😬

Me too. But I know I would judge them!

Maybe I need to go for ones who are not looking for anything serious, not the ones after a life partner!

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:53

Hurstlandshome · 07/06/2022 21:47

Dating can be a distraction, as long as you're mentally in a good place. I say go for it - you don't know until you try. Good luck.

Yeah I think the mentally in good place might be where I fall down Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:55

Redhotchillii · 07/06/2022 21:43

I think it will make you feel worse

That’s the worry - I’ll just be comparing everyone to him, when we had 9 years of history and good times so nobody will measure up straight away. We also had a very powerful physical connection which will be hard to replicate.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:57

iknowthismuchis · 07/06/2022 21:49

He's not your 'one' because your one wouldn't keep you hanging like this. That's a really shitty way to treat you, can't you see that?

Also this may sound daft, but I’m kind of hoping that by dating other people he’ll realise what he had with me. But I know that may backfire spectacularly if he meets a good one!

OP posts:
EarthSight · 07/06/2022 22:29

RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 21:50

It was 9 years so yeah, maybe just too soon.

Show quote history

Just depends on how uninvested people were in their relationship. I think the people who move on the fastest are either ones with true hate & resentment, or ones where the relationship has been a pratical, platonic one for years and there's nothing sexual left in it.

Six months is nothing for a 9 year relationship.

TooBigForMyBoots · 07/06/2022 22:35

I take my own time getting over failed relationships. Some take months, others, years. But I have found a wee one night stand before I start looking for anything serious, to be enjoyable and worth doing.😉

Original poster
RoyKentsChestHair · 07/06/2022 22:39

EarthSight · 07/06/2022 22:29

Just depends on how uninvested people were in their relationship. I think the people who move on the fastest are either ones with true hate & resentment, or ones where the relationship has been a pratical, platonic one for years and there's nothing sexual left in it.

Six months is nothing for a 9 year relationship.

Show quote history

I think you’re right. Maybe just need to wait it out and see if I can feel better being on my own for a while. And try not to think too hard about what the ex is getting up to.

OP posts: