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Original poster

Should I be concerned about my GF's behaviour?

65 replies

samgotti · 07/06/2022 15:10

Me (30,M) and my GF (25,F) have been together for about 3 months now. It’s been going very well for the most part and we really like spending time with each other. The intimacy is great and we are both very active, so we do a lot of fun activities together.

She works at a hospital which has a gym (among some other jobs) and she is a proper gym rat. A couple of weeks ago she said to me that her work mate said that he has a friend who fancies her. The guy who fancies her asked if she has a boyfriend and her work mate said yes. About a week later my GF comes to me and says that she has exchanged numbers with this guy who fancies her and they will have a gym session together. She said that she is being straightforward with it and she has nothing to hide and I could always check her messages if I ever wanted to. I said to her that I can not understand why a person who is in a relationship would have the need to become friends with someone who they know fancies them. She said that she thinks he’s nice, they get along well and he’s a good gym buddy and that’s the end of it.

Now fast forward a couple of weeks and she said to me that this guy asked her if the relationship she is in is serious to which she said that she is taken and in a serious relationship. From her point of view the guy is just a buddy that she exhanges messages every now and then and bumps into at the gym. I have absolutely no reason not to trust her. The guy is a) not her type and b) she is incredibly happy with me.

What bugs me is the fact that she became buddies with him even though she knew that he fancies her. From her point of view she told him that she has a boyfriend and sees no reason why they can’t be mates.

I don’t really like this situation as I think that this isn’t exactly great behavior in a relationship. But on the other hand I fully believe her that she views the guy as nothing but a buddy, but knowing that this guy fancies her just makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable. I’m not sure how to handle the situation appropriately.

OP posts:
Bananarama21 · 07/06/2022 15:17

Too much drama so early in. This girl likes her ego being stroked. I'd dump and run.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/06/2022 15:21

She's straight up taking the piss. She's telling you everything, not to be open, but to see how much shit you'll take. Surprise her by dumping her well toned arse.

Acheyknees · 07/06/2022 15:25

She's messing with you. Wouldn't tolerate that if I were you.

bookworm1982 · 07/06/2022 15:31

Why does she have to keep telling you the things her 'buddy' says to her? Clearly she knows it'll wind you up? She's either a bit thick or knows exactly what she's doing. Not sure what's worse. You sound like a really nice guy. Please make sure she doesn't take the piss out of you xx

Knackeredmommy · 07/06/2022 15:32

She sounds like she's playing games with you and trying to make you jealous/get a reaction. Very immature

Original poster
samgotti · 07/06/2022 15:33

bookworm1982 · 07/06/2022 15:31

Why does she have to keep telling you the things her 'buddy' says to her? Clearly she knows it'll wind you up? She's either a bit thick or knows exactly what she's doing. Not sure what's worse. You sound like a really nice guy. Please make sure she doesn't take the piss out of you xx

I think this might be her way of being open and honest with me. She could've told me absolutely nothing and let it all play out. On the other hand, she could've just not invited the situation in the first place, which I would have preferred.

OP posts:
GordonBennetttt · 07/06/2022 15:34

I think she's absolutely loving the attention and having her ego stroked. I wouldn't be surprised if they've already crossed a line.

GordonBennetttt · 07/06/2022 15:37

Justmuddlingalong · 07/06/2022 15:21

She's straight up taking the piss. She's telling you everything, not to be open, but to see how much shit you'll take. Surprise her by dumping her well toned arse.

Best reply 😁😁🤭

bookworm1982 · 07/06/2022 15:37

I think this might be her way of being open and honest with me. She could've told me absolutely nothing and let it all play out. On the other hand, she could've just not invited the situation in the first place, which I would have preferred.

Hmmm, I suppose open and honest is a good thing, but I just don't buy that in this case. Is she hot?? I'm picturing her being someone good looking who enjoys attention from other men. She's definitely flattered by this bloke's interest in her.

Also, I don't know if you've said this to her, but I think it's a bit mean of her to befriend someone who fancies her, and who wants more than she can give. She should leave him alone and let him get over her.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2022 15:38

She's loving the attention and the drama creates. Run for the hills.

SwimmingWithARockStar · 07/06/2022 15:44

Dump. She’s an attention seeking drama queen. No one needs that in their life.

Original poster
samgotti · 07/06/2022 15:59

It all doesn't quite add up for me. She's not an attention seeker per se, she hardly uses instagram, she doesn't go partying a lot and she spends all her free time with me.

But this behaviour just doesn't sit well with me and as much as I try to make sense out of it, I can't. So I will tell her that this is unacceptable and crosses a line and that I will end the relationship if she doesn't stop having contact with this guy.

OP posts:
GordonBennetttt · 07/06/2022 16:03

That doesn't mean she's not enjoying this mans attention though.
I think that's the best thing you can do, talk to her and tell her it's making you feel uncomfortable and you feel it's crossed a line. I think her reaction will tell you a lot...

PorkPieForStarters · 07/06/2022 16:11

Please don't tell her who she can and can't be friends with. From what you've described of her behaviour when not at the gym, she sounds really into you.

Isn't it better that she's open and honest with you than keeping quiet and you finding out later?

BringBackCoffeeCreams · 07/06/2022 16:14

Sorry but I think the relationship is dead already. She doesn't respect you and has brought someone into her life which anyone with half a brain knows is taking the piss. Even if you convince her to drop contact , you can't put that genie back in the bottle.

Original poster
samgotti · 07/06/2022 16:54

When I spoke to her about it and I said to her that I don't like it, she says that she understands that it makes me feel uncomfortable and she said that she could understand that if she met up with this guy outside of the gym that I could have reason to be worried. But she only sees this guy at a public gym and she likes to chat with him. But she literally spends all her free time with me, she has never given me any reason not to trust her and it might be that she likes the idea that this guy is into her, but she told him that she is in a relationship and she has communicated all of this openly with me. She put up a profile picture of us on Whatsapp because she said this guy was getting a bit too talkative and she wanted to send him a message. Of course she wouldn't have had to put up the profile picture in the first place if she hadn't invited the situation.

If she really wanted to cheat or do do anything else with this guy, then why would she have told me any of this in the first place? I would have never found out if she wouldn't have told me. I think that this is just the person that she is and my question is, whether I can accept it or not. At the end of the day I am the one sleeping with her and not this other guy. And I've seen photos of this guy and I look a lot better than him, so I'm really not worried about her doing anything with this guy. It's just her behaviour that irritates me.

OP posts:
youlightupmyday · 07/06/2022 16:58

I'd dump her. She is irritating youand it's early days.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/06/2022 17:07

She's doing far too much 'advertising' for this to be an innocent gym-buddy thing. Under the plausibly-deniable cover of "being honest & upfront" she is parading the fact that she has options: this guy fancies her, was chasing her via her friend, is pursuing her even though he knows she is attached, & asks her how serious her relationship is.

All of this was totally unnecessary information.

She swears she's not interested & that you shouldn't be worried about her loyalty.
This is a diversionary tactic - because it's not the issue.
The issue is the self-serving, attention-seeking attempt to undermine you by parading the 'buddyship' under your nose.

I would dump for this. No matter that you say it doesn't seem in her nature - abusive people don't usually show their abusive nature this early in. But she is training you up to accept a dynamic where SHE is the in-demand object of masculine attention, & YOU are left feeling insecure, but made to feel in the wrong for voicing it.

She's trying to make you play the Pick-Me Dance.
I'd tell her to get to fuck with her attention-seeking. It's shallow & disloyal.
I wouldn't give a toss who she trained with & how much they fancied her. I would feel distinctly pissed off at the amount of boasting she needs to do about it. It is an attempt to destabilise you, & such an obvious Games People Play manoeuvre I'm amazed you haven't laughed full in her face yet.
www.chumplady.com/2012/04/the-humiliating-dance-of-pick-me/

KettrickenSmiled · 07/06/2022 17:11

She put up a profile picture of us on Whatsapp because she said this guy was getting a bit too talkative and she wanted to send him a message.

My oh my, she's a slippery one.
What a drama-addicted little actress she is.

Not entirely stupid either - note how she managed to turn the focus back onto how irresistably attractive she is, & how instead of losing him on WhatsApp she parades a new pic of her b/f.

Two birds with one stone - she pretends to "reassure" you, all while keeping the other Chump dangling. Right now, she's got you both dancing the Pick-Me Dance.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/06/2022 17:16

If she really wanted to cheat or do do anything else with this guy, then why would she have told me any of this in the first place? I would have never found out if she wouldn't have told me.
Your questions have now answered themselves, no?
If you stay with her, she will keep collecting admirers.
She may even not shag them. But that's not the point, is it? The disrespect is the point.

When I spoke to her about it and I said to her that I don't like it, she says that she understands that it makes me feel uncomfortable and she said that she could understand that if she met up with this guy outside of the gym that I could have reason to be worried.
Love how she imagines that SHE gets to be the one who sets the parameters of YOUR boundaries!

Again - it's not about whether she is technically 'faithful'. It's the ... almost sociopathic, breathless updates she keeps giving you, the mentionitis. She is training you to allow her to be "the attarctive one" who you are Just So Lucky to keep ...

KettrickenSmiled · 07/06/2022 17:19

PorkPieForStarters · 07/06/2022 16:11

Please don't tell her who she can and can't be friends with. From what you've described of her behaviour when not at the gym, she sounds really into you.

Isn't it better that she's open and honest with you than keeping quiet and you finding out later?

She's not being "open & honest".

She's making a big mindgame, using the words "open & honest" as a smokescreen. Giving too much detail, making such a huge deal about how he fancies her, how many times he's asked about her relationship, about how he asked her friends about her, about him getting too hot on WhatsApp ... can you genuinely not see the manipulation?!

This woman is a headfucker, plain & simple.

Run for the hills OP.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/06/2022 17:20

GordonBennetttt · 07/06/2022 15:37

Best reply 😁😁🤭

Show quote history

Well shit.

If I'd read more than OP's own posts, I could have saved 9000 words of verbiage.

yeah - do this OP!

Lovemypeaceandquiet · 07/06/2022 17:24

Shes loving the drama and the attention. She strings the other guy along as it’s obvious he wants more. Very immature behaviour. As a grown woman in a relationship, I’d have no reason whatsoever to hang out with a guy who fancied me.

shes flaky @samgotti , I’d dump her. You really don’t want a lifetime of this

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 07/06/2022 17:40

samgotti · 07/06/2022 16:54

When I spoke to her about it and I said to her that I don't like it, she says that she understands that it makes me feel uncomfortable and she said that she could understand that if she met up with this guy outside of the gym that I could have reason to be worried. But she only sees this guy at a public gym and she likes to chat with him. But she literally spends all her free time with me, she has never given me any reason not to trust her and it might be that she likes the idea that this guy is into her, but she told him that she is in a relationship and she has communicated all of this openly with me. She put up a profile picture of us on Whatsapp because she said this guy was getting a bit too talkative and she wanted to send him a message. Of course she wouldn't have had to put up the profile picture in the first place if she hadn't invited the situation.

If she really wanted to cheat or do do anything else with this guy, then why would she have told me any of this in the first place? I would have never found out if she wouldn't have told me. I think that this is just the person that she is and my question is, whether I can accept it or not. At the end of the day I am the one sleeping with her and not this other guy. And I've seen photos of this guy and I look a lot better than him, so I'm really not worried about her doing anything with this guy. It's just her behaviour that irritates me.

Just call her and say.
Goodbye.
The end.

Itstimetoquit · 07/06/2022 17:47

She's loving the attention,too much drama! I would end it