Should I be concerned about my GF's behaviour?

[samgotti]

Me (30,M) and my GF (25,F) have been together for about 3 months now. It’s been going very well for the most part and we really like spending time with each other. The intimacy is great and we are both very active, so we do a lot of fun activities together.

She works at a hospital which has a gym (among some other jobs) and she is a proper gym rat. A couple of weeks ago she said to me that her work mate said that he has a friend who fancies her. The guy who fancies her asked if she has a boyfriend and her work mate said yes. About a week later my GF comes to me and says that she has exchanged numbers with this guy who fancies her and they will have a gym session together. She said that she is being straightforward with it and she has nothing to hide and I could always check her messages if I ever wanted to. I said to her that I can not understand why a person who is in a relationship would have the need to become friends with someone who they know fancies them. She said that she thinks he’s nice, they get along well and he’s a good gym buddy and that’s the end of it.

Now fast forward a couple of weeks and she said to me that this guy asked her if the relationship she is in is serious to which she said that she is taken and in a serious relationship. From her point of view the guy is just a buddy that she exhanges messages every now and then and bumps into at the gym. I have absolutely no reason not to trust her. The guy is a) not her type and b) she is incredibly happy with me.

What bugs me is the fact that she became buddies with him even though she knew that he fancies her. From her point of view she told him that she has a boyfriend and sees no reason why they can’t be mates.

I don’t really like this situation as I think that this isn’t exactly great behavior in a relationship. But on the other hand I fully believe her that she views the guy as nothing but a buddy, but knowing that this guy fancies her just makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable. I’m not sure how to handle the situation appropriately.

You sound reasonable
I think even if she cuts him off, it's left a bad enough taste already so early on, no?

FWIW, I work with guys in a purely male dominated industry. If ever a guy said he fancied me and I had a partner, even if I was only dating a couple weeks, I'd keep my distance UNLESS I wasn't sure how I felt and was keeping my options open (though I've never actually had to do that).
One of the only other 2 women I ever worked with in my field had a serious relationship but also had a gym buddy who was besotted with her, and rather that take a step back, I watched her lead him on for a year.

Its gross behaviour. Please don't fall for it. You deserve better. Any self respecting woman wouldn't lead a man on once he revealed he fancied her. She's giving him false hope. Not just you.

It's good she understands such her behaviour makes you feel insecure and vulnerable in relations.

I would also ask her how she would feel if it was the other way round? You regularly go to the gym with the girl who fancies you, you tell your GF about it.

Wouldn't it make her feel insecure? It's only a normal human reaction.

Update: my GF called me and said that she fully agrees with me and that she hadn't viewed the situation from my POV and that she will cut off contact with him.

But you'd already explained how you felt (which you shouldn't have needed to do if she was a decent person) and it was only after you said the behaviour was a deal-breaker that she had her epiphany.

You've only been dating 12 weeks, it's the time when people are on their best behaviour, yet she's already doing this shit. And I don't believe for a second she hasn't befriended him for all the reasons people have already stated. If I were you I'd cut my losses now before you get more emotionally invested in her, and before she has any more fake niaive moments like this at your expense🙄

I wouldn't assume she is going to listen to be honest. Probably just become more sneaky about spending time with this guy.

Have you had the exclusivity talk?
It is early days and she has the right to change her mind.

Don’t be shallow and assume that because (in your opinion) you’re better looking than the other guy that you’re safe and your GF won’t stray. If the other chap has a stunning personality then he’s in with a chance. As they say, beauty is only skin deep, it’s what’s inside that matters most.

@WhenDovesFly why are you inventing stuff? OP doesn't even offer an opinion on anyone's looks, let alone assume that his are superior to Gym Man's.

Direct quote from the OP.
And I've seen photos of this guy and I look a lot better than him, so I'm really not worried about her doing anything with this guy.

Thanks @Justmuddlingalong & apologies @WhenDovesFly - I read OP's posts twice & still managed to miss that. He doesn't come over as especially vain or self-promoting though.

Although it does raise the question of why his g/f is waving pics of her gym buddy under his nose. And somebody who fully agrees with me and that she hadn't viewed the situation from my POV only AFTER you have said you are uncomfortable enough to walk away sounds like bad news.

She knew damn well what his POV was - he explained it to her clearly enough.
I don't think this sudden enlightenment means she is going to stop playing games.

I don’t often wish there was a like button, but thats great

Is she trying to make you a little bit jealous early doors in your relationship to the point where you may commit more to her, to keep her?

Oh very manipulative.. she has got herself a free pass to flirt and enjoy the attention because she has told you, while making a fool of you i might add.. just a childish game to stroke her ego at all angles

You've only been together a few weeks. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong, it matters how you feel. If you like feeling like this, stay. If you don't, find someone who doesn't make you feel this way.

Haha. Agree 100% with this. It's only been 3 months and she's majorly bringing in the drama for no reason. Who does that? So disrespectful to be "working out" with this other guy when you're essentially in the relationship honeymoon stage.

LTB (😂)

Game player.

Why do you think she's telling you all of this?
To create some sort of drama and get you jealous.
I'd run 😅 it's never going to be a serious relationship judging by the way it started.

If she really really was into you she wouldn't have exchanged numbers with anyone.

After meeting my DH .. I lost interest in everyone else after our 1st date 😂 and wouldn't have dreamt of exchanging numbers with anyone