Will there be a second date?

[Curlyhairdonotcare]

Trying to be proactive about dating

I met a guy yesterday afternoon - met at one and left about six. Coffee - jubilee screen in the park and a pizza. I texted when I got home and we texted back and forward a bit. He did not reply to my last message about my new Monstera plant. He also did not cross the touch barrier.

He has not asked me out again. Does that mean he is not interested and I should continue my search?

If he fancied the OP he wouldn’t care if the texts were about a houseplant. Better that than excruciating attempts at flirty texts to show that she’s ‘up for it’ or repeated questions to artificially prolong the exchange.

It wasn’t meant to be hurtful! Just to point out that, whilst you’re sitting wondering whether he felt a spark because he didn’t show it, he’ll likely be doing and thinking the same - and neither of you have given the other a lot to go on. If you don’t want to make the first move then that’s totally understandable - but I have male friends who’ve liked a woman they’ve been on a date with but not suggested another one because they thought her follow up texts were friend-zoning: whilst many women feel that men should be confident and proactive, not all of them feel brave enough to be!

To be fair he is at work today and I am off sooo 🙃

@ComtesseDeSpair its such a difficult isnt it!! 😂 I dont know what to do now 🤣

Difficult balance **
You also do not want them texting you like a nutter saying you are amazing blah blah when can I see you again
The poor guys cannot win!

Lol imagine
using a monstera leaf to cover my nipples for a selfie xx

The best advice I could give anyone is to not play the texting game – it's beyond pointless. If you want to text, then text – own your honesty and your straightforwardness. If he is bothered by you being keen or your ability to play the 'texting game' then he's not worth it – best find out now whether he's a man who can handle a mature relationship.

Oh Christ. We’re going full beribboned book now.

It goes like this:

OP goes on date with bloke, likes the cut of his jib.

Date ends, bloke does not suggest follow up or kiss OP.

OP instigates texting.

Bloke replies but texts peter out with ball left in bloke’s court.

OP asks whether this means that he’s not that interested.

Posters clamour to make excuses for him - he’s busy, he’s at work, he’s tired, he’s shy, why play games, it’s the 21st century etc. - and tell the OP to send more texts in case he hasn’t realised that she likes him.

She does, and gets pretty dusty answers.

Posters then encourage the OP to step up the texts, end them with questions, show him she is interested, he still might not know she likes him etc etc. Bomus marks for references to him having a ‘lonely birthday’. Any text from the man is seized upon as evidence that he really likes her but is ‘shy’ and needs further encouragement.

It never ends well, and the OP gets the worst of it.

You are a laugh. Good luck with the dating, especially with other men from the OLD site!

^^ 💯 % this, if had a date with someone and the last message was about her house plant, I would imagine that the person liked their plant more than me.

Ok give it 2/3 days...if you want to see him again just ask. Even for just a 30 min coffee. Sometimes the constant messaging can be a bit hard to keep up with.

What is the worst that will happen? he will say no, or nothing which is what you have now.

Sooo I am just going to wait
I am going to sit here and clutch my pearls for my bumble casanova to pull through
🥲

X

To be fair he doesnt seem like dick - We have two friends in common - I think he would send a quick thanks but no thanks later today if he just aint into me

See if he messages back and then ask him out if he does

This. I feel sorry for the poor man getting ripped apart on here. The date lasted 5 hours. It’s been less than 1 day since they last saw each other. And while the op texted last, her message was about a plant? Also is it really that unusual to not have physical contact on a first date? From the sounds of things they’re both a little confused about what to do from here. I wouldn’t write him off just yet

Who is ‘ripping him apart’? The OP is being advised not to force a relationship to happen, because it never ends well.

yes thats the plan

Wow. That’s quite an amazing superpower you have there. You got all of that from a single date which ended a mere 22 hours ago, with a man who has been in contact with the op since by text message, and who the op said is in work today (and she isn’t). All we’ve got to go on here is the op spazzing out because she text him last and he hasn’t replied for a few hours. I think everyone needs to chill tf out.

Pay attention, dear. I was setting out what always, always, happens on these ‘is he interested after the first date?’ threads. It’s based on evidence - the actual threads - not ‘superpowers’.

😂😂😂

Its true in many respects
if you are making a mumsnet post he aint the one sis xx

Its true my tail is in spin 😎

It's up to him now to carry on the conversation and hopefully to rearrange another date, if he doesn't he's not interested.

No touching- I've had men that haven't tried to touch and still asked me out, although I wasn't into them and I've had men that have taken the first chance to snog me and still didn't want to see me again. I think you'll know by today if he's really keen he'll keep in touch.

It does my head in that so many of these dating threads are about second-guessing whether the man likes you.

Do YOU like HIM enough to want to see him again? Did you think he was an interesting conversationalist or a charming person? Were you attracted to him?

If so then go for what you want. Sure, there's the risk you'll get knocked back, which is just how it is in life. But the old cliche you hear on here that every single man will chase you if he really wants you, what with all men being identical and all, is pretty much nonsense.

Tbh I think it's much more common to feel a bit ambivalent after a first date. You don't really know someone well enough to feel swept off your feet by them yet. I've never once known for certain what I think of someone after a few hours, and male friends say that's the case for them too.

It's very easy to just sit back and let them chase, and if you're really not bothered then there's no point going to any extra effort yourself. So it comes down to what you actually want.

You are aware that the majority of dating experiences happen without a MN thread getting made about them? It's hardly representative.