Coke...i'm not even sure I know this man

[OhHeckNotAgain]

I met a man a few months ago and have grown really fond of him. Initially I loved his personality, i'm drawn to people who think deeply and have a bit of passion for something so it was a refreshing change from some of the idiots i've met. But then he admitted he takes coke, not knowing much about it myself I turned a blind eye, thought it was occasional. It turns out it's a huge problem, this has come from him so he isn't in denial about it.
His behaviour is erratic, he blows hot and cold but he's never nasty.
I'm questioning everything now, the initial spark between us, how he was so keen on me. I dont know if I should just walk away. I suppose what i'm asking is how does coke change a person? When he's on it he's warm, chatty, funny, and happy i'm around, we have long intense conversations and a lot of laughs. But is that the real him? For instance, i'm a warm loving person but i'm very shy and awkward, if I have a drink i'm more confident but i'm still me.
For the record, I dont approve of it and i've never touched anything myself but I do understand addiction and how hard it is. I know it doesn't automatically mean someone is a bad person. Would I be crazy to even contemplate sticking around? He is a genuinely nice person, that much I do know but i'm unsure how he feels about me because he's so up and down. I dont know which is the real him.

Don't do it. Fair enough if you were already with someone but for a new relationship it's not worth it. People will say coke changes peoples personalities. Personally I don't think it does massively having worked with many people who took it recreationally or were addicted. However, addiction changes your personality. You will never be first choice with a person who is addicted.

Run!

You really don't want to get involved with a coke freak.

I've seen perfectly decent people get fucked up on it, lose any empathy, get totally ego-centric, need to start dealing it cos it's so expensive, and it taking over their lives.

If not yet convinced, watch Narcos on Netflix.

@OhHeckNotAgain hun to be fair I would leave that relationship... not meaning it ina horrible way.. I've seen how coke effects people and lives it ruins. Not only is he ruining his life but it will 100% change u as a person. His persona Ivan change from being nice one min being on coke and the nasty when he doesn't have it.
Clearly he has an addiction to it as you said it wasn't occasional.

I would say leave hun

Run for the hills, this will not end well. Thank god you found out early before you got too involved.

Agree with PPs, run!

People with addictions/addictive behaviour don't make good partners.

Sadly he could overdose and pass away - it is not unusual. Also such a waste of money (looking at the practicalities).

Absolutely! I have witnessed the effects on someone close by, their behaviour was disgusting and they are no longer a part of my life!

No! Please don't settle for this. There is no intimacy in a relationship where someone is addicted to a drug. You will spend all your time trying to get it when it's impossible.

I speak from experience (being in a relationship with an alcoholic and marijuana addict)

It will create a lot of drama while you try to get the intimacy and closeness you want, and can never quite get. You will become a shadow of your former self. Don't do it.

You'd have to be insane to even contemplate this. You're not seeing his true self anyway. You are just seeing a chatty addict!

If he stopped taking it he'd would be a completely different guy. He's not going to stop anyway, not because of you or anything or anyone else. Leave him to it.

Run.

Your relationship is a disaster waiting to happen.

I'm not against a bit of recreational drug use but this man is a coke addict. You say he's happy and warm when using? What's he like when he's not?

Please get rid. He will drag you down with him. You deserve better.

End it. It's not when he's taking the coke you need to worry about. It's when he's not taking it he'll be a cunt.

Knowingly and willingly walking into a relationship with an addict would be utterly self destructive behaviour. Please don't do it to yourself.

Don't do this OP, you will regret it so much if you don't walk away now.

Did we date the same person?! On it they will be exactly as you described. Warm, chatty, funny, happy you're around, long intense conversations. It's so easy to fall in love with the only way you'll be able to resist it is by telling yourself it's not real.

Because it's not.

After it's just depression. You probably won't hear from them until the Tuesday night. They'll be at work and functioning but they're basically just dead.

If they've being doing it a while there will be health issues. Bleeds on the brain in the case of 'my guy'. Eventually one of two things will happen: you'll get sick of it and leave or you'll have one of those amazing experiences above where he tells you he's falling in love with you only to ghost you completely and never say a word to you again like it was all just a figment of your imagination.

Take my advice and run for the hills. Don't even get involved. You won't fix him. It's basically an emotional rollercoaster and the longer you stay on the harder it is to get off. You'll start getting just as addicted to "the highs" as he is.

How good are you at CPR?

Because there's a fair chance you'll end up doing it. Cocaine is a huge killer of men.

You would be indeed mad to stick around.

Look at what you learnt about relationships when you were growing up, the fact that this individual is an addict and another idiot man you have met. You say you know about addiction but you turned a blind eye to his addiction. Why did you do that?.

Read about codependent behaviour in relationships and see how much of this relates to your own behaviour. You cannot act as either a rescuer or saviour in a relationship and women too should not act as some sort of rehab centre for such men.

Oh that sounds like the start of the relationship with my ex before he showed me he's an angry violent domestic abuser.

I genuinely thought coke made him a lovely person. He was so sweet on it. Could laugh at that now!!!

If I didn't have PTSD

Are you this desperate for a man ? 😑

My best friend's hard working loyal family man partner has stolen most of her jewellery and even broke into her mums house to steal, to fund his coke habit. Get out now while you can.

You are only with him a couple of months, thanks be to Fcuk.
Run run run for the hills and don't ever look back. Consider yourself lucky.
Look at building up your confidence, why on earth were you even contemplating a relationship with this parasite.

Can you give a little more info on how often he uses it?

I’m going to go hard core here and say it doesn’t matter.

If he likes it, it’ll be as much he can afford, which will be his entire wages. He’ll then have to borrow money off the OP for everything else, bleating about ‘needing it for food’. Coke users do that. They then need petrol money, or rent.

Coke is on average £80 a day.

Coke users also lie and lie - including about how often they use it; and what they do to fund it.