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Original poster

Dating for men vs women

69 replies

ToastedWaffle · 05/06/2022 23:42

I am female and just wanted some perspective. Maybe I spend too much time on MN, but having been single for the past few years I realise the thought of dating a man again terrifies me. I've had abusive relationships in the past. I now have no time and tolerance for dickheads, sex pests, narcissists, cheats, abusers etc so I don't even venture into OLD.

I've had blokes come on to me many a time but its obvious they just want a shag or are at the very least are trying it on with multiple women as if anything with tits and a pulse will do.

So I'm wondering if men find dating easy or do they have to wade through tons of shit ones just like us ladies do? Are men generally less fussy in what they seek in a female partner? IME they seem to just hedge their bets with any woman and casts their nets far and wide. I think women are a bit more discerning.

Would love to hear from a males perspective.

Not even sure I'm making sense, I'm tired.

OP posts:
ringalingling · 06/06/2022 18:10

@AuntiePushpa I've often thought about this over the years but I wondered how it would work out in reality? People can act so differently from person to person and I think both sexes have the right to privacy. I've been ghosted, but I've also ghosted (after red flags). So both of us would have "warning - ghoster!" under our profiles and only I can say if it felt justified.

I came to the conclusion as much as it might be helpful, I probably wouldn't use it!

Original poster
ToastedWaffle · 06/06/2022 18:54

ringalingling · 06/06/2022 18:10

@AuntiePushpa I've often thought about this over the years but I wondered how it would work out in reality? People can act so differently from person to person and I think both sexes have the right to privacy. I've been ghosted, but I've also ghosted (after red flags). So both of us would have "warning - ghoster!" under our profiles and only I can say if it felt justified.

I came to the conclusion as much as it might be helpful, I probably wouldn't use it!

It would be one way of filtering people out though. If you give both parties the option to review/leave feedback it would be helpful.

Plus if a woman posted something like "this guy was a waste of my time, turned the convo to sex straight away etc." And the guy was able to reply back to the review so all could see it, you'd be able to tell by his response how much of a gent or not he was and you could proceed with caution.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToastedWaffle · 06/06/2022 18:55

You would be able to explain why you felt the need to ghost someone @ringalingling and everyone would be able to see it. If the guy you ghosted had red flags, women would be made aware.

OP posts:
DillonPanthersTexas · 06/06/2022 21:25

Well from my experience and that of my male peer group OLD is very far from easy for men. We have the same issues with time wasters, oddballs and other shite behaviours.

ClarkWGriswald · 14/07/2022 17:32

Interesting discussion. As a man who's on his 3rd cycle of OLD, my experience is mixed. Having started in 2016, I found it tough, but enjoyed it. Then, I tried again after a 2 year relationship, tougher, but met a great lady. Third time, feb 22, awful. While I'm 6 years older, I'm in good shape, own teeth, 75% hair coverage 😁, stable,open, good job, etc etc.....but, it's tough.

I've not tried paying to promote my profile, but my experience, anecdotal, is women get so many swipes that you are 1 in many, and statistics go against you.....luck of the draw, I'd guess. Most average men will probably say the same, very hit and miss in terms of the volume or choice, then very few are viable. To then find the one, hmmmm.

I think the noise in terms of horrible people on the other end is worse for women, having chatted to many about it....but the options are stacked massively in their favour in terms of number of people they can choose from. Men, just swipe right all the time...

The overriding problem seems to be it's commoditised relationships, and that's not great for men or women.

YRGAM · 14/07/2022 18:34

I would echo the sentiment that, in general, women on OLD go after a far smaller number of men than the reverse. So for the 10-20% of men it will be simple and for the rest you are one of many.

Original poster
ToastedWaffle · 14/07/2022 19:38

Ah, I forgot I made this thread. I'm contemplating OLD but I dont know if I have the energy. Not right now, I have covid. But when I'm covid free. Even though I'm not enthused about it. Are you supposed to be?

OP posts:
ClarkWGriswald · 14/07/2022 19:53

I guess if a women gets 100 likes a day, some get much more, you're chances are low. They'll probably not get far down, unless, step in here ladies, most of the 100 are shockers???

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 14/07/2022 20:11

My ex said that the next woman will have to be a non smoker but otherwise he has no preferences!! Imagine that being the only important factor in your search. It would open up a lot more options Grin

Of course she’ll also have to look a certain way - -just like his ex and nothing like me- - but he seems unconcerned about age, job, personality, or any other features that could make someone a good match. Honestly a blow up doll would do the trick I think.

Casper10 · 14/07/2022 21:51

I understand your points OP.

But unless you are a man getting a lot of attention, which the OLD data suggests is say 10 to 20% of men then its a numbers game for men.

I'm not talking unattractive men with nothing going for them but for a lot of average type guys.

You have to have a thick skin and accept say 95% of women are swiping left.

Original poster
ToastedWaffle · 14/07/2022 21:58

Yeah it's a numbers game for sure. Just my observations in general that men just ain't picky. As long as she is alive she will do.

Makes me 🤢

OP posts:
Weekenders · 14/07/2022 22:15

Generalising about all men or women in dating or anything else probably isn't helpful, though particularly attractive and socially adept men and women will do better, as they'll have done since childhood. Beyond that, average women tend to have many more offers, but are likely to be disappointed at who's offering.

CheshireSam · 14/07/2022 22:25

Online dating is only for very good looking men and all women.

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 14/07/2022 22:26

ToastedWaffle · 14/07/2022 21:58

Yeah it's a numbers game for sure. Just my observations in general that men just ain't picky. As long as she is alive she will do.

Makes me 🤢

From a man’s POV, the complete opposite seems to be true, most women seem want men who are a bit taller a bit more handsome a bit better educated a bit more in some ways than we are.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/07/2022 22:46

I'm probably one of the 60% going for the 10%. The reason is thus - I love being single, love it, so I have no interest in settling/compromising on my list of wants. I'd rather be single than be with the vast majority of men.
There's a very good reason many of the men on OLD are single - they're not particularly appealing - dull, fat, entitled, arrogant, sexist. They blame the women on their profiles 'does any1 (sic) ever chat on here) rather than consider the notion that what they're offering isn't particularly appealing.

WomanHere · 14/07/2022 23:18

In terms of getting attention and potential dates it is a lot easier for women but that is only because there are so many men out there looking for sex. I was staggered to see that there are a couple of TV shows out at the moment about women paying for male escorts. Sex with young, hot men has got to be one of the easiest things to find these days and it’s free! Are women really paying for this? But in terms of finding a loving, long term relationship OLD definitely does not favour women.

SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 14/07/2022 23:19

does any1 (sic) ever chat on here) rather than consider the notion that what they're offering isn't particularly appealing.

yep! And “is there anyone real on here any more?!” Just makes me think that there’s probably a good reason why nobody wants to chat to them, if they were in any way interesting or fun to talk to they might find it more successful. So many say “hi sexy” and then wonder why you don’t reply in raptures!

Casper10 · 14/07/2022 23:36

ToastedWaffle · 14/07/2022 21:58

Yeah it's a numbers game for sure. Just my observations in general that men just ain't picky. As long as she is alive she will do.

Makes me 🤢

If you have say 5 marches and say 3 seem OK. Not necessarily everything you're after but seem decent and certainly not unattractive is there any reason to not at least explore

Casper10 · 14/07/2022 23:39

arethereanyleftatall · 14/07/2022 22:46

I'm probably one of the 60% going for the 10%. The reason is thus - I love being single, love it, so I have no interest in settling/compromising on my list of wants. I'd rather be single than be with the vast majority of men.
There's a very good reason many of the men on OLD are single - they're not particularly appealing - dull, fat, entitled, arrogant, sexist. They blame the women on their profiles 'does any1 (sic) ever chat on here) rather than consider the notion that what they're offering isn't particularly appealing.

I agree passive aggressive comments are an immediate swipe left. But to be honest those types of comments are rife from women too.

EBearhug · 15/07/2022 00:24

There's a very good reason many of the men on OLD are single - they're not particularly appealing - dull, fat, entitled, arrogant, sexist. They blame the women on their profiles 'does any1 (sic) ever chat on here) rather than consider the notion that what they're offering isn't particularly appealing.

And their blurred profile pic is looking up their nostrils, and they wonder why no one is looking their way...

I had a date at the weekend who thanked me for looking like my photo - I thought it a little hypocritical that he didn't, and he later admitted hus pics were a few years old. He complained about everything, appeared to have no sense of humour, and didn't do eye contact. He talked about all the times he'd been stood up and all the bad dates he'd been on, and I was thinking, yes, and there's one common factor, and I don't think it's them... Then he said, "well, I'll be making a move now," and picked up his stuff and walked out without looking back. I was struggling not to laugh by that point, but I would imagine that others would not see the funny side. He later texted me to thank me for being polite, which is... different.

GCHeretic · 15/07/2022 00:42

I get the impression from some posts on here and elsewhere that many women on OLD are being a bit unrealistic in their requirements, which leads to some of the asymmetry noted above.

They seem often to want a man who’s significantly “higher scoring” in the areas that matter than they are themselves.

There was a recent thread about people’s “must haves” that had some lists that would be unrealistic even if they were posted by a Amal Clooney.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2022 07:04

But that's up to them isn't it @GCHeretic ?

Women can choose what they want thankfully nowadays. With choosing to be single a value option.

I had quite a low bar in my twenties for dating, because I wanted marriage and babies. I settled and compromised. Now, in my forties, I don't need any of those things, so I'll swipe left/unmatch on any man who doesn't reach my requirements. Which is my choice entirely.

Original poster
ToastedWaffle · 15/07/2022 08:48

My initial OP wasnt about OLD at all. It was about the different approaches men have to dating than women, eg, my brothers friend trying his luck with me plus a whole gamut of other women at the same time to see who takes the bait. He is now shacked up with a new gf (great) but it seems like practically anyone can make him "happy".
I was more curious to see if this was typical of how males date in general. OLD is different because naturally, people on the sites will be messaging plenty of others. That seems to be a given.

OP posts:
GCHeretic · 15/07/2022 08:52

arethereanyleftatall · 15/07/2022 07:04

But that's up to them isn't it @GCHeretic ?

Women can choose what they want thankfully nowadays. With choosing to be single a value option.

I had quite a low bar in my twenties for dating, because I wanted marriage and babies. I settled and compromised. Now, in my forties, I don't need any of those things, so I'll swipe left/unmatch on any man who doesn't reach my requirements. Which is my choice entirely.

Yes, of course it’s up to them, it just comes across as quite unrealistic.

Floogal · 15/07/2022 08:54

Again, people overlook the fact men outnumber women generally. Hence why men tend to be less picky