Separated from DH last year. Found someone I like, but really need advice!

[kindredSpirit1234]

Hi all, I separated from my DH last year after a very toxic marriage. I haven’t actively been looking for someone else because I’ve needed time for myself, but I briefly met someone who caught my attention.

I briefly met a guy at a party the other day and he caught my eye straight away. He came up to me to ask for something, said thank you and I smiled, so did he. He then walked away. We shared a few glances and smiles after that but then he left. I know his name because I got chatting to some of his family that were there. I found him on Facebook but don’t want to come off as creepy by adding or messaging him. If I msg without adding it will probably go into requests folder which nobody checks… what do I do? I feel like I am ready to meet someone new and I just so happen to have (briefly) met someone I liked.

Add him! Message him! Life’s too short

Bloody hell just go for it OP!

Oh lord no, this is stalker-level of pursuit.

Sorry OP, but I’ve leave it lie and see if you bump into him again and actually exchange names.

I would be so freaked out if I had a Facebook request from someone I met briefly at a party, and didn’t even tell my name.

Bloody do it! If it makes you feel better after a long toxic relationship and two kids later I separated with my ex. I asked my brother for his friends number who I always liked and now we're married 🤣
Good luck!! Xx

Definitely message him. Could be the start of something lovely or not😀 but you won't know unless you do

I don't think it's stalkerish. It's just one message. I wouldn't be too phased if guy found me and messaged but I would tell him I was happily married.😀

Message him, life is too short! I had a guy from my school years add me and message me on SM after seeing me at a swimming pool and exchanging a couple of words. I am married though.

I'm in same boat. Separated after a toxic marriage.

I'd go for it and message him.

Could be the start of something beautiful 🤩

Perhaps DH is the wrong term

Go for it, OP.

You said he asked you for something? What was it? Just wondering if it was an excuse to talk to you or not.
Can you find out if he's single before messaging?
I sort of feel that he's the one who knew he was leaving so could have tried to speak to you before he left. You didn't know he was going to leave early, but he did.

So if you were at a party, and a man came up and your interaction was along the lines of;

Him- excuse me, do you know where the toilets are?
You- yes, they’re up the stairs and on the left.
Him- thank you.

you wouldn’t be freaked out if you had a Facebook request from him?

Maybe OP will give us more information about their own x change but, from her first post, it seemed very minimal.

You shared a couple of sentences, a couple of smiles and glances and you then looked him up on Facebook?

That's beyond weird. You're a red flag.

If they're both guests of the same people it's not stalkerish as they'll have mutual friends she can talk to.

If he doesn't respond I'm sure OP won't turn up at his front door.

It's not beyond weird at all and I'd look up what people mean by red flags as this isn't it, You sound like such a normal person yourself

OP more context of conversation needed. Was he deliberately looking your way? Never know he might be having the exact same dilemma!

I think it's fine to add someone you met at a party, however brief the encounter was.

He doesn't have to accept the request if he doesn't want to. I say go for it!

Thank you all for your comments :)
I feel that there was a ‘moment’ when we briefly spoke… I wish I’d spoken to him more though. I feel torn because I think that if he wanted to speak to me he would have extended the conversation so I don’t know. He did keep looking my way and when I walked past a couple of times he smiled.. I can’t see that he has a girlfriend on his profile, but of course I can’t see everything as we’re not friends on social media. My gut is telling me to message him, because I’ll never know.. but if it’s unwanted I’ll feel very embarrassed! Especially as people might find out. I know I’m really overthinking this.

you wouldn’t be freaked out if you had a Facebook request from him?

No I don't think one message would worry me. I'd just send a polite response which made it clear that I am married. Anymore than that and I would not engage and delete. Not that it's ever happened.😀

No. Don’t message him. Who was hosting the party? Put out feelers that way. See if he is interested and watch what he does then.

As you said he could have extended the conversations. Look at his actions not his reactions to yours. If you message him he might react and response. However he’s not actively seeking that action is he?

Also after the toxic marriage what work gave you done to understand that/yourself.

Freedom programme is cheap and available online.

I met a partner this way. He found me and friend requested me, then started 'poking' me. (Remember that?!)

I'd leave it a day or so. If he's interested, he will find you.

OP do it!! I have recently separated from my H of 21 years after an awful few months. It is all still very raw and I'm not ready to date again yet but....

I met a man at a house party a couple of nights ago, we talked a bit and had a laugh. He friend requested me as soon as I got home and we've chatted since. It's lovely and a welcome distraction if nothing else.

If you don't ask you don't get 😉

You hardly know this person. It may have been a "moment" for him too, or you he may have no clue who you are, even.

How about taking an old-school, before social media approach?

Find out who you know in common and ask someone trusted to ask some questions about him - is he single, is he a decent bloke etc, before making any kind of a move.

If he was interested he wouldn’t have left or if he had to he’d have found your details himself.

Do you have a mutual friend who can make discrete enquiries for you?