Separated from DH last year. Found someone I like, but really need advice!

[kindredSpirit1234]

Hi all, I separated from my DH last year after a very toxic marriage. I haven’t actively been looking for someone else because I’ve needed time for myself, but I briefly met someone who caught my attention.

I briefly met a guy at a party the other day and he caught my eye straight away. He came up to me to ask for something, said thank you and I smiled, so did he. He then walked away. We shared a few glances and smiles after that but then he left. I know his name because I got chatting to some of his family that were there. I found him on Facebook but don’t want to come off as creepy by adding or messaging him. If I msg without adding it will probably go into requests folder which nobody checks… what do I do? I feel like I am ready to meet someone new and I just so happen to have (briefly) met someone I liked.

If you have a lot of mutual friends on FB you will show up on his FB.

If you have searched his name on Facebook, it's likely you will now pop up on his people you may know section, especially if you've got mutual friends...
With a bit of luck, he might add you first 🤞🏻

I'm a bloke ( for reference ) and I'll just say ..
message him..
I would be thrilled to receive such a message.
If he's unavailable then so be it but you've nothing to loose..
Go for it girl!

So you didn't even have an actual conversation?

Sorry but this is really fucking weird. I have an acquaintance like you. She's always convinced men are interested when they've barely glanced at her or have just been polite.

Why didn't you just talk to him at the actual party?

Firstly no need for the aggression! Secondly you don’t know me at all so I don’t think it’s viable to compare me to your acquaintance. I do not ‘always’ have things like this happen it’s actually the first time! And I wish I had spoken to him more than our brief encounter but we were both in groups of different people so would have been slightly awkward…

I didn't say you always do this. I said she does.

I’m in the leave it camp. I think it is embarrassing to exchange a few words with someone, not even exchange names but then hunt them down on Facebook. If there had been a moment he wouldn’t have left without trying to speak to you again.

I don't think it's 'weird', 'beyond weird' or - even better - 'really fucking weird'. I don't think it's 'stalkerish' or that you're the embodiment of 'a red flag'.

Here's what I do think, though. I think you can friend request him and absolutely nothing more. If he accepts, all to the good, it may be the start of something . . . but if he doesn't, you must absolutely leave it there. That was your shot across the bows and it didn't land. No "He might be shy/busy/burned by a previous relationship/trapped under a Welsh dresser".

You should also be alive to the fact that, while you may think you've has a moment, he might not. He may barely remember the encounter.

Yeah I agree actually and the more I think about it the weirder it gets in my head. If we meet again by chance that’s great, if not then it wasn’t meant to be.

I find MN weirdly pushy about these kind of things and tbh I believe it’s more for entertainment rather than anything else! I mean fancy adding a guy on Facebook you spoke to once at a party and didn’t even get his name so he literally just asked you a random question, if you was a man people would be calling you a creep let’s face it a man just needs to look at a woman and he is labelled a creep on here. He gave you no indication that he liked you so yes I think it’s weird to track him down on Facebook.

This is such a great comment, very strong words, thank you!

What's the worst that can happen, he ignores your friend request! You've lost nothing!

I'm really glad the guy I met the other night sent me a request, but honestly I don't think I'd have had the guts to send one to him.

Do it 😊

What did he ask you btw?

I honestly don't see anything wrong with it, I have loads of men who add me after only meeting me once, seeing me out in the pub when we have mutual friends etc. I would maybe add a new profile pic of myself after adding him to see if he likes it or any of my posts before messaging though.

Do you write scam emails for a job?
This sounds like one of those emails you get saying all you need to do is send me a thousand dollars for a visa and I'll come and visit and make your dreams come true 😂