Thoughts on this man... (bedroom related)

[Blueskylightnight]

Newish guy, I suspect he has ED and he only has sex in one position (missionary). My question is - would/does ED affect having sex in different sexual positions? I only ask I have never experienced this before with previous partners. Yes I should speak to him and I intend on doing so soon.

He also likes do put his hands around neck which I've read on here comes from watching porn (don't know if this is true or not).

My advice is ditch and run.

I would not see a man again who put his hands round my neck.

He puts his hands around your neck?! Bit scary that. I'd run 🏃‍♀️

Hands around your neck?

Nope...run for the hills

Yep,, hand around the neck is extremely common in porn. and ED is commonly caused by, erm, gripping too tight when he masturbates (often from over use of porn) or having watched too much porn that he now can't get aroused without porn.

Red flags galore here.

SOD THAT. Off he fucks. or limply masturbates

Well i'm not sure where else he'd get it from? I mean can you remember the last time you asked someone to strangle you during sex? No didn't think so. Aim higher would be my advice to you, this one sounds grim.

Also, in case it isn't extremely obvious, anybody who wants to put their hands around the neck of their partners during sex (and they shouldn't because FFS that's fucked up) SHOULD ABSOLUTELY BE NEGOTIATING CONSENT PRIOR TO JUST DOING IT TO YOU, (which you'd be 100% mad to agree to), and ABSOLUTELY NOT just whacking his hand around your neck. I had a boyfriend who liked to rest his hand just there, even after I'd explicitly said not to and why. Off he fucked, too.

Looks as though you're doing some homework before speaking to him. You do need to speak to him about ED, its common and has different causes. As for the neck touching, choking does feature in some peoples sex lives as may MNers have posted on here before - liking or disliking it. Sounds like you need a chat about what works for both of you including boundaries, any issues (e.g. ED) and how to work through those...if you decide you both want to.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Crikey!!

What happened to making ‘love’??
Id be putting my hands round something and pulling bloody hard til his eyes watered!!!

Just no, OP - I’ve never had this happen but if there was even a hint of it, they would be spending the night on their own!!
** I know some people like this, and that’s fine for them, I’m talking about those who don’t like it.

Gross. Any man who puts his hands round your neck (without you asking him to if that floats your boat) is a nasty piece of work.

Some women do enjoy that loss of control but anything like that should be done for the woman’s pleasure and with someone who she knows and trusts implicitly. For some it may be a way to play out an experience from their past in a ‘safe’ way (this from experience).

I know some will say there’s no safe way to do this, but clearly plenty of people manage to do this and not die, so it’s not necessarily true. But it should never be something done for the man’s pleasure, that’s sick.

As for the ED - plenty of men have issues with this, but he needs to take responsibility, be upfront about it and let you work with him on it, not just make you bend yourself into knots to make it happen for him.

New guy?
Hands round your neck?
Absolutely no.
This is a definite red flag

Yeah, leave.

Urgh

Hi, I should not have mentioned the hand on neck. It has never been in a strangulation way. Just one had lightely placed on neck maybe twice (not an issue for me). However I feel this has derailed the thread.

my question was just - is ED linked to sex in different positions?
He never tries any other position than missionary. I'm now wondering if ED prevents this/makes it more difficult etc.

put his hands around neck

That doesn't sound good. I'm all for live and let live but honestly, what pleasure are you ever going to derive from being strangled, or even half strangled.

How does your rate of orgasms compare to his. It is about 1:1 ?

Sorry you feel as of this thread has been derailed. I'd not be so concerned about different positions. What keeps you so interested in him given he doesn't seem to be doing much for you. Why not ask him about other positions. If you can sleep with someone, don't you want to be able to talk about it?

🚩

I get that lots of people like the whole hands round neck thing, but it's something I sort of associate with wild, passionate sex and seems at odds with his insipid, bland performance.

I'm annoyed on your behalf actually. It's one thing you both being into kinky stuff and exploring it together, but who does he think he is lying on top of you pumping away vapidly with a flaccid cock and then also wanting next level porn/kinky stuff when he hasn't even managed to conquer the basic expectations of sex.

You say that he never tries any other position, what about you? Do you try any others?

Surely it's not all down to him?

Position - it can yes - google it.

The neck thing is weird. Tackle that at the same time. You obviously know it is, because you are the one who brought it into an ED conversation.

Why why why are you wasting your time with him? You are not sexually compatible, and believe me, his "issues" will only get worse. Run for your life.

Maybe he is just rubbish and selfish 🤷🏽‍♀️

Would you let someone put their hands on your neck in any other context?

Blimey I would worry shout this more than the missionary sex

I'd run, life is to short for crap sex. The neck thing, he's more into porn than he is you. You'll be lucky if his next move is pulling your hair.

About not shout

@FinallyHere
He never finishes (I have mentioned this subtly). He always makes sure I orgasm. He is great at oral.

@decayingmatter
That made me laugh. Hilarious! Thank you.

@BrimFullOfAsher
Yes I have tried instigating another position - he looked, looked excited and then went to missionary :/