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Original poster

Thoughts on this man... (bedroom related)

78 replies

Blueskylightnight · 02/06/2022 20:11

Newish guy, I suspect he has ED and he only has sex in one position (missionary). My question is - would/does ED affect having sex in different sexual positions? I only ask I have never experienced this before with previous partners. Yes I should speak to him and I intend on doing so soon.

He also likes do put his hands around neck which I've read on here comes from watching porn (don't know if this is true or not).

OP posts:
Herejustforthisone · 02/06/2022 20:55

If a man I hardly knew tried to put his hands on my neck, however ‘lightly’, I think I’d instinctively punch him in the throat.

WomanHere · 02/06/2022 20:57

Why are you associating this with ED, is he not getting very hard or hard for long? I had a bf that liked missionary because he could control the pace, he was more prone to PE and would come after about 30 seconds if I was on top.

darlingdodo · 02/06/2022 20:58

Waste no more time. Jettison toute suite.

dworky · 02/06/2022 21:01

Bail out, Bail out!

LeniGray · 02/06/2022 21:04

Is he just exceptionally inexperienced? Does he need some erm… guidance? Like, have you ever tried getting on top, taking control? Or does that make him limp?

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 02/06/2022 21:05

my question was just - is ED linked to sex in different positions?

if he can get and maintain an erection good enough for intercourse, then not it’s not really ED,

SuziSecondLaw · 02/06/2022 21:10

Having wasted many years on a porn addict, i say run for the bloody hills!!

ED in youngish men almost always comes from watching too much porn.

Original poster
Blueskylightnight · 02/06/2022 21:12

@LeniGray
Yes I have tried on occasions and he has then jumped straight to missionary.
He has had plenty of sexual experience so definitely not inexperienced.

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 02/06/2022 21:13

decayingmatter · 02/06/2022 20:35

I get that lots of people like the whole hands round neck thing, but it's something I sort of associate with wild, passionate sex and seems at odds with his insipid, bland performance.

I'm annoyed on your behalf actually. It's one thing you both being into kinky stuff and exploring it together, but who does he think he is lying on top of you pumping away vapidly with a flaccid cock and then also wanting next level porn/kinky stuff when he hasn't even managed to conquer the basic expectations of sex.

What she said. Every word of it. He needs to sort out the basics before he tries being all fancy.

Original poster
Blueskylightnight · 02/06/2022 21:14

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow
Thank you. Any thoughts on what could be going ?

He is 42 not sure if this makes any difference.

OP posts:
newtb · 02/06/2022 21:18

According to a Dr I know who's trained in sexual problems thé woman going on top helps a man to not lose his erection.

Original poster
Blueskylightnight · 02/06/2022 21:20

@newtb
Yes after a quick Google search I see that and missionary is meant to be the worst for ED.

FML I don't know what is going on here!

OP posts:
Wherearemymarbles · 02/06/2022 21:26

I’m 53
if I get ED its often when my wife is on top and has positioned herself so there is too much weight over my bladder.

but maybe he likes missionary as he can throttle you more easily and its a more dominating position

HowlongWillThisTakeNow · 02/06/2022 21:32

@Blueskylightnight honestly it could be anything, that might just be the only position he likes, or could be a power thing, or he might have a dodgy hip or back problem or likes looking down at you it any of 100 of reasons really, have you asked ? what did he say ?

if I was dating a woman who only wanted sex in 1 position that would soon get pretty boring and I would be asking her why. ( and probably leaving her )

Lickerz · 02/06/2022 21:35

Can you have an open conversation with him about it? Sex first few times with my now husband was..not great... He had had plenty of girlfriends, wasn't inexperienced I guess but it was just all off! I really liked him so I had to bite the bullet and say look the sex seems abit off let's work on it together and he was actually really grateful I'd brought it up. None of his exes did, they just passively went along with it, apparently orgasmed (willing to bet they faked it) then went cold on the sex (go figure). Once we started talking about it all the pressure went away and we could just get on with enjoying it together and sex life then became great.

Point being I think you need to put any prudishness of talking about sex or guesswork aside and just start talking openly with him and keep the communication open. If you like him that is.

The hands on neck thing, I mean, if he's watched porn he probably thinks women love it rather than it being anything sinister. Again you need to have the discussion with him

Original poster
Blueskylightnight · 02/06/2022 22:18

@Wherearemymarbles
Thank you. Yes this could be true for him.

@HowlongWillThisTakeNow
Thank you. The power thing is interesting and may be true.

I have subtle approached it but if things don't improve I will have a talk with him. I don't want to embarrasse him as he has been embarrassed in the past for not finishing.

OP posts:
DontPickTheFlowers · 02/06/2022 23:03

Run OP, run run run!

Aquamarine1029 · 02/06/2022 23:14

I have subtle approached it but if things don't improve I will have a talk with him. I don't want to embarrasse him as he has been embarrassed in the past for not finishing.

Yes, because these women were smart enough to run for the hills. You are not his fixer. You don't owe him anything.

allboysherebutme · 02/06/2022 23:27

Run for the hills. X

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 03/06/2022 04:54

He sounds vile, bin him and fast and why is he getting to dictate the boring missionary position all the time. He will have excuse after excuse for his limp dick but excessive porn seems to be the case most of the time, is he early 50's by any chance. Just reading about him has made me feel sick and giving me the ick.

Original poster
Blueskylightnight · 03/06/2022 04:57

Sorry I may be missing something but can the people who are saying RUN explain why. It just seems a bit unfair based on his bedroom performance (which I'm sure will improve in time).

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 03/06/2022 05:20

Blueskylightnight · 03/06/2022 04:57

Sorry I may be missing something but can the people who are saying RUN explain why. It just seems a bit unfair based on his bedroom performance (which I'm sure will improve in time).

I'm really worried you can't see why yourself.

He's horrible. He's not interested in what you want, is controlling your sexual relationship & hasn't sought consent for the 'hand on neck' (ugh, regardless) action.

Why would you stick with him?

70kid · 03/06/2022 05:49

if the sex is shit to start with it rarely gets any better
his ED will eventually become your problem to solve

it will erode any sexual confidence you have in yourself as he blames you for not getting him hard

if he’s not willing to talk about it then why even bother

bigfatsighing · 03/06/2022 05:55

Hand on neck - not sexy more threatening.

ONE position! And you’ve just met! Very strange… bet he can’t come if he’s not dominating you.

look out for evasiveness when you talk to him re…

3hdc · 03/06/2022 06:18

I was with someone one once, a guy in his 40s that couldn't finish. He admitted he masturbated every morning, probably to porn and with a vice like grip. Sex was awful, him pounding away and I was in pain and the frustration he couldn't finish so would try to keep it going all night when I was exhausted. Urgh in the end he gave me the massive ick and he just couldn't see that it was a result of his endless wanking. I don't know if this is classed as ED, but it never gets better and over time is soul destroying. Leave.