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Original poster

Fuck my life

60 replies

megapints · 31/05/2022 09:40

Feeling really down. I've had a really rough ride over the last few six years, husband walked out which actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise although it didn't feel like it at the time. Got into a relationship with an old friend a couple of years later, was really happy and then he died, very suddenly and my life fell apart. Took three years to rebuild myself... last week a dear friend confessed he had feelings for me (i've fancied him for a while) and invited me for a night away this week in a nice hotel, no pressure but just to get away from things if I wanted and a date. I can never afford to go away so this was really nice that he booked a hotel and said not to worry it was all on him.

I was really excited, arranged for my teenager to stay at her dads for the night. Got my nails and hair done. I even told other friends that I have a date. We are supposed to go tomorrow and he's just messaged me and said he can't go anymore, he's realised he still has feelings for his ex and it would be wrong to go. He's offered me the hotel room for nothing but I literally have no-one to go with and going alone would feel too sad. I feel broken and humiliated so I can't even talk to anyone about it. I haven't even replied as I just don't know what to say. I was so looking forward to this. I was fine before all this but it's just made me feel more alone than I have for a long time. Fuck. My. Life. Not sure what I want from this post but just needed to vent my sadness.

OP posts:
disconnecteddrifter · 31/05/2022 09:42

Go to the hotel. I think it would be better to be miserable there than home. Plus you never know what opportunities may present themselves.

greenhebeaww · 31/05/2022 09:44

Go to the hotel anyway, if just for the change of scene. Try to see the positives in everything while you're there, i.e. you're not eating alone at breakfast; you are eating a breakfast that has been made for you, that you don't have to clear away. Enjoy the peace.

alwaysmovingforwards · 31/05/2022 09:48

Agreed, go alone and make the best of it.

LiterallyKnowsBest · 31/05/2022 09:54

That’s so frustrating!

But why not go with your daughter? It seems a shame not to get at least some of the benefit of all your preparation. It could still be a nice break for the two of you. (And I don’t think it’s unreasonable of him to offer the room, given that he has caused you disappointment and unnecessary expense.)

But even if you decide not to do that you must look out for some free or low cost opportunities for a mini-holiday. Farm stays, tree planting, grants for residential writing courses like Arvon … Life can feel a bit relentless without something to look forward to.

Original poster
megapints · 31/05/2022 09:54

I just don't even know what to reply to him though...

OP posts:
ElephantsTail · 31/05/2022 09:56

Take your teenage daughter!

Have a girly night.

💐

soundofsilver · 31/05/2022 09:56

You don't have to reply to him if you don't want to or aren't ready yet

ElephantsTail · 31/05/2022 09:57

megapints · 31/05/2022 09:54

I just don't even know what to reply to him though...

"I'll take my daughter with me, what details do I need to check in?"

Don't need to say anything more than that

Sodthatforagameofsoldiers · 31/05/2022 09:57

Can you take your teenage daughter? I'd have loved something like that as a teen.

I'm sorry you feel shitty about it. You've had a really, really tough time. It's not much comfort but it is better that he is upfront just now rather than further down the line.

Just reply 'ok, thanks for being honest. I'll take the room and enjoy some time there with DD. All the best.' and then move on.

Sodthatforagameofsoldiers · 31/05/2022 09:58

I'll take my daughter with me, what details do I need to check in?

Oh yeah say that, that's better.

Original poster
megapints · 31/05/2022 09:58

LiterallyKnowsBest · 31/05/2022 09:54

That’s so frustrating!

But why not go with your daughter? It seems a shame not to get at least some of the benefit of all your preparation. It could still be a nice break for the two of you. (And I don’t think it’s unreasonable of him to offer the room, given that he has caused you disappointment and unnecessary expense.)

But even if you decide not to do that you must look out for some free or low cost opportunities for a mini-holiday. Farm stays, tree planting, grants for residential writing courses like Arvon … Life can feel a bit relentless without something to look forward to.

I would but a) she's a very difficult teenager at the moment and so it wouldn't be a nice experience for either of us and b) her dad has made plans with her that can't be cancelled- things are difficult between her dad and I (although I try my best to be civil) and he'd kick off at me if I tried to change plans at short notice.

OP posts:
TottersBlankly · 31/05/2022 10:00

Exactly what ElephantsTail suggests.

I hope he’s proposing to pay for your dinner as well?

(I suspect he may have a last minute change of heart regarding his ex. But you should ignore that - you definitely don’t need a relationship with a flakey individual.)

crystalize · 31/05/2022 10:04

Go by yourself! Just for a change of scene. Explore the area, read, watch Netflix pamper yourself. I've started going solo nights away now my youngest is independent and I love it!

CaptSkippy · 31/05/2022 10:06

Go by yourself. A change of scenery and a place where you don't have to cook and clean for the night, that's all paid for can be very refreshing.

Perhaps plan to do something that night like see a movie, go to museum, go out to a bar or club and then rest up in that nice hotel.

TibetanTerrah · 31/05/2022 10:07

Dont mope at home, take the opportunity to spoil yourself a bit Flowers

BexW40 · 31/05/2022 10:11

Go alone, take some time for yourself, sounds like it's needed! Never know you may bump into Mr Right doing the same x

urrrgh46 · 31/05/2022 10:19

What a horrid thing to have happen but better to find out he has these feelings now and not when you've invested in him more xx
Have you a friend/relative you can take? Be upfront - tell her what's happened and ask her to come with you?
It could be a really nice time and it would be a shame to waste it. Otherwise, cancel it all and have a night in - takeaway, tv, bath and tinder! (Just for window shopping! )

EcafTnuc · 31/05/2022 10:21

Does the hotel have room service you can charge to his details? If yes, go and pig out and relax on his expense.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 31/05/2022 10:22

I’m going against the crowd here and don’t think going alone is a good idea. I think it might be more painful being in the hotel alone, when you had such high expectations of your night away. Seeing lots of other couples doing what you planned to as well, is rubbing salt in.

my advice would be to see if a friend can come over for the evening, failing that an early night and start again tomorrow.

Blossomandbee · 31/05/2022 10:31

I wouldn't go personally, I wouldn't want his charity. I dont see how it will be enjoyable at all sitting alone in a room you were supposed to be with someone who's dropped you at the last minute.
Block him, make some plans for a good night doing something else.

clpsmum · 31/05/2022 10:34

Go to the hotel. Go alone and pamper yourself or take your teenager

pedropony76 · 31/05/2022 10:42

I personally wouldn’t go and wouldn’t even respond

BiscoffSundae · 31/05/2022 10:49

I wouldn’t go, surprised so many would, wouldn’t want his charity/pity and would feel awkward going with a teen child when it was suppose to be a date at a hotel which probably would have lead to more.... But mostly I wouldn’t want his pity and him paying for it, I wouldn’t respond.

INeedNewShoes · 31/05/2022 10:50

I'd go to the hotel.

I absolutely understand that you could end up feeling extremely lonely at the hotel if you compare it to what had been planned but I'm single and skint and think I would absolutely try to make the best of the situation and go and try and enjoy the hotel, which otherwise I couldn't afford! By doing that you're making a positive decision and doing something different to spending the evening at home alone.

PetersRabbitt · 31/05/2022 10:53

That is really really shit. But if I’m honest I’d still go, a night away in a hotel! Take a book and a vibrator, go out for dinner, have a long soak in the bath! Sometimes it’s just nice being somewhere different. Do it!

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