Does shouting/swearing happen in every relationship

[tulus]

My dp and I have been together 4 years and have a baby together. There is a past of abuse from him. This includes shoving and putting on floor etc. We have received help for this. Family support deem it okay for us to be together and live with the baby but I am struggling to know how I feel about this. There is also shouting and swearing from him and I've come to find this is abuse but I never knew. I thought this was normal.

It leaves me wondering if all relationships are like this? My ex was the same so I see it as normal and can't imagine a relationship without it. Maybe this is why I haven't left yet..because I see them all like this??

No. We never shout at each other, nor do we swear at each other. Together over twenty years, in stressful circumstances (bereavement, moving house, redundancy, long working hours, small children, stretched finances) we support each other. Yes we occasionally irritate each other but we are respectful. Boyfriends I had before I met DH also never shouted or swore at me (nor me at them), if they had I would have left them, I am worth more than that. Please value yourself more, your baby is learning from you every day.

Ah okay thank you everybody.
Family support meaning childrens/family services.
Put on floor meaning pushed/grabbed and forced to floor during loss of control moment of stress.

I dream of a relationship like everybody has been mentioning! It seems so unrealistic in my mind but I must be brainwashed.

Nope, DH and I never argue and I'm not exaggerating. I wouldn't tolerate being shouted and sworn at.

It's not okay. My relationship is not like that. You don't have to put up with it.

You're not brainwashed but it's hard to imagine something you have no experience of. My previous relationships were all unhealthy and my mum's relationships had all been unhealthy including my dad. So it seemed normal to me, I thought that nice, kind relationships were just made up for TV, until I spent more time on Mumsnet.

Maybe see if you can do the freedom programme or read some of Lundy Bancroft's book Why Does He Do That? The verbally abusive relationship or living with the Dominator are also good. By Pat somebody.

Put on floor meaning pushed/grabbed and forced to floor during loss of control moment of stress.

He's framed it like this.

You need to reframe it so it reflects the truth:

"Put on floor meaning a bigger, stronger person pushed/grabbed and forced to floor a smaller, weaker, more vulnerable person due to being an abusive arsehole during loss of control moment of stress."

It is abuse.

No it is not normal in a relationship and is definitely not healthy. A life partner should not be diminishing your quality of life.

No, not normal.
I've been with DH for 17 years. I was with my ex for 6 years. Neither would shout and swear at me as part of normal life.
DH and I have had a handful of short, screaming rows in 17 years, but we are both shouting at each other equally.
And the swearing is non-personal ("How many more times can we go over the same fucking topic") instead of personal ("You fucking whore").

Totally not normal. Your partner should love cherish and respect you and never ever hurt you. Don't you deserve better?

I wonder if your 'partner' pushes his colleagues or boss onto the floor when he is stressed? Doubt it!

It's totally not normal, please don't try and make it acceptable.

All couples have disagreements but my DH and I have never shouted or sworn at each other. Been together 20 years. It's not normal OP. I hope you're OK.

Not normal and an awful environment to grow up in.

One that leaves children very damaged.

You both deserve better.

No it's not normal.

My DP and I have had our disagreements over the last 30 years but we've never shouted and screamed at each other in all that time.
You shouldn't have to tolerate that kind of behaviour, especially not the violent episodes.

I was in a very similar relationship until recently. Physical in the same way. He saw the shouting and swearing as normal and when you’re in that situation for so long and you become isolated, it begins to feel normal. I left because I realised I couldn’t bring up DS in that household. I did not want him to grow up thinking that was normal. Please leave him. My ex is the product of growing up in a similar environment. You and your DC deserve better and you can stop the cycle.

just over 18 months here, never been any shouting swearing etc. not had an arguement at all

5 yes in...5 DC between us. Never. Never any shouting, swearing at or even mild disagreement tbh. My vote is get the fuck out of dodge. Much love.

Official services thought this was okay?

it is not "loss of control" that makes someone force a person to the floor. They do it because they want to.

No shouting here. Heated debate at times, very occasional swearing if very frustrated, but no aggression
Never ever anything physical

It really isn't normal OP.

I've never been sworn at, shouted at, pushed, ignored, hit or been given the silent treatment in a relationship.

I've been married for 42 years (together 44, since I was 18, he 19). ever had violence or aggression. Yes, we bicker occasionally but we don't argue. We occasionally swear, in joking.

Never I mean

We absolutely never swear at each other or name call.

We might occasionally get a bit shouty if we have an argument but we've been together 5 years and only had 3 big rows in that time. Even then we never get nasty.

We're quite shouty and used to have blazing rows every now and then but I never felt abused, belittled or unheard. Never physical. I would have left.
Dh has always been supportive of me and generally we're happy.
If you're feeling abused and unsupported then this isn't normal.