Does shouting/swearing happen in every relationship

[tulus]

My dp and I have been together 4 years and have a baby together. There is a past of abuse from him. This includes shoving and putting on floor etc. We have received help for this. Family support deem it okay for us to be together and live with the baby but I am struggling to know how I feel about this. There is also shouting and swearing from him and I've come to find this is abuse but I never knew. I thought this was normal.

It leaves me wondering if all relationships are like this? My ex was the same so I see it as normal and can't imagine a relationship without it. Maybe this is why I haven't left yet..because I see them all like this??

It isn’t normal.
you “received help”? you did counselling? It’s not helpful to go through counselling with an abuser.

You're in an abusive relationship. I'm sorry. It almost always escalates and i'm surprised you've been told it's okay for you to be together. You really need to protect your child and leave.

Not that it's ever as easy as that of course so absolutely no judgement.

I think getting annoyed and saying "for fucksake" is probably normal and different to saying "i fucking hate you". but the physical stuff and shouting is never okay

Completely not normal.

People in good relationships don't shout or swear at each other.

Not in mine. If it did, the relationship would end very very very quickly

Absolutely not. DH has never ever sworn or shouted at me. My ex was a dick and I wouldn’t put up with it again.

Know your worth OP, believe you and your baby deserve to live in a home of peace, harmony, happiness and safety.

H and I have terrible shouting/throwing matches
its not normal, no
H has mental health issues that he will not adress, and can argue, himself, for hours until i loose my head ( and then hes got whay he wants and im "as bad as him"
i hate my home life.

My partner has never raised his voice at me. Or actually at anyone else. Doing so regularly is a lack of self control. That would worry me with a baby around. I couldn't cope personally with that amount of anger around me. Id be on edge all the time. I need peace and to feel safe.

No. We bicker and sometimes argue, but not not any shouting or swearing. I couldn’t live like that. I certainly wouldn’t stay if we had children.

I have just left a very similar relationship to the one you are in. I accepted it and believed I was causing it for so long, then after he shoved me and raised his fist to punch me in front of our 18 month old daughter I finally decided enough was enough. I have never been in a relationship that wasnt shouty and sweary and I can't imagine what that would be like. Reading all the comments on your thread from people who do not experience this in their relationship gives me great hope for the future and I hope it does for you as well. You don't have to be someone's punch bag, verbal or otherwise.

I’m so sorry that you even need to question if this is normal. It isn’t. It might not be as uncommon as we’d hope, but it’s not normal and it’s definitely not acceptable.
We've been together 20 years and have never sworn at or shouted at one another. It’s not how we communicate, with the each other, or with anyone.
Don’t let this be your normal, OP.

No. It’s not normal at all. My husband doesn’t shout or swear at me or the kids. Just because it’s been deemed “ok” for you to be together doesn’t mean you have to be. You deserve better than that, everyone does.

No, not normal. Dh and I have been together over 20 years. We have never yelled and sworn at each other.

Not normal. I've been with DH 18 years and we've never shouted or sworn at each other. I couldn't be happy in a relationship where that was the norm.

If he has been abusive to you at any point, you can leave. It doesn't need to be happening currently for you to decide it's not acceptable.

No
who are "family support" and what do you mean by "putting on the floor"?

this siunds horrendous.

We don't shout or swear at each other - at most we may sound slightly exasperated with each other.

You shouldn't accept verbal abuse let alone any physical abuse.

Please leave

Definitely not!

I have been with my husband 14 years. We bicker. We never shout and scream, I can only think of one situation where one has sworn at the other and that was sarcy not aggressive (and it was me!). He has never hit or pushed me or even appeared physically threatening in any way.

Nope, been married years and I can't recal him ever shouting at me and he's certainly never called me names

No. I have never been shouted at or sworn at in any relationship, so either I am exceptionally lucky or it isn't normal

Of course we bicker and argue occasionally but there is never any shouting/swearing/name calling. We both have our flaws, we can both be a bit knobby at times, we piss each other off occasionally and we all have bad days but we will admit when we are wrong and apologise (no sulking in this house)

There is a thread going at the moment in relationships titled 'please tell me good functional marriages exist?' And the above is part of one of my posts. It might be worth taking a read

I grew up in a family where there was rarely shouting, but an undercurrent of tension. It was horrible.

I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years in my 20s.shouted at, woken in the night for more shouting, things thrown at me etc.

Dh and I argue. We moved house last year to a house that needs a lot of work. There was a point where I felt like all we ever did was argue. And yes, it got shouty. And yes swearing, but not directed at each other. But it fizzles out as quickly as it starts; usually by one of us realising we're being ridiculous and laughing. The difference is that we're not shouting to intimidate each other. It's frustration at the other's stubbornness.

Nope

No, and I wouldn’t tolerate it if he started.

No..