Please tell me that good funcional marriages do exist

[katepilar]

Kind of shocked by reading all the stories on "How soon after your marriage did you realise 'this was a mistake'?" thread.

I would like to hear the good stories. They dont need to be stories, really, just say that you are in a happy marriage and funcional family if you are.

I am in a happy functional marriage. Doesn't mean we're perfect but from the things I've been seeing on MN about "dear husbands" ; I consider myself extremely lucky.

In a very happy, very functional and mutually respectful marriage. Would not want to spend my life either with anyone else or without him.

Absolutely. We both work ft but he's been abroad for a week for work and I've had to do a lot more housework than usual. He doesn't shout about it but he does his half. I'm really excited about him coming home and will meet him at the airport for lunch!

Together almost 10 years and very happy.Curently have a baby which puts a strain on but even in our sleep deprived state he is my second favourite person to spend time with.

Gosh. We know loads and loads. In our extended family of dozens, only one brother has had a divorce. Everyone else long time married, children, children now married, most have children of their own, all seem happy.

Same with our friends. I only have one friend who is separated from her husband. The rest, again, all long term married, mostly from quite young, mid twenties. We are all now mid fifties and having our 30th+ wedding anniversaries.

I am in a very long and functional marriage. Not always perfect but we love and respect each other, and have fun. I would not want to be without him.

I married a diamond. I knew he was a good'un the day I met him. Not without problems, we are far from perfect. Sometimes I dream of running off to a shack in the hills on my own, by mostly we are ok, 20 years of marriage later.

I'm mostly astonished that MN'ers marry such berks.

14 years together, 9 married and one 3 year old. He is everything all the cliches say to me - soul mate, best friend. He still makes my heart do a funny flip when he gets all dressed up (especially in a suit), he always has my back, he makes me feel loved, looks at me like I am the whole world. My life is by no means perfect but my little family is perfect to me!

We celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary in August. And if course it hasn't all been perfect, perfect marriages only exist in fairy tales. We've had our ups and downs, but there have been far more ups than downs and looking back over the 32 years or so since we met - almost half a lifetime ago - I think both of us and also our (grown up) DC and wider family would say that we have a successful relationship. And, as the PP said, compared to some of the stories you read on here I feel pretty lucky.

18 years together, very happy. Totally functional, work as a team, share the same values and I think fundamentally like each other as well as love each other.

Been married for almost 8 years and I love him more than the day I married him. Happy, functional, never argue. Happy marriages definitely exist.

Functional here too. Probably more accurate to say 'content' rather than wildly happy, but I think after 15 years, several kids and a bunch of stressful situations we are going really well. I feel like we are on the same team and we both want the best for our kids. Sometimes we have different views on how to achieve that, sometimes we are a bit tired and grumpy and annoy each other, sometimes we have a week where we feel disconnected because we are both a bit stressed in our own private ways. But we talk, reconnect, try hard to look at things from each other's perspective, and ultimately both respect each other. We enjoy it when we have time to spend with each other, and I believe that we both want the other to have a good and fulfilling life. I feel overwhelmingly lucky that I picked this person and that he chose me, and I'm really looking forward to growing old with him.

you don't know what anyone's marriage is like unless you are in it, not even as a child of the marriage, and obviously it has to be healthy and functional from both sides too so no one person could actually answer that question.
like friendships; I've thought I was in some lovely supportive friendships but when I speak to the other person it turns out they were living something completely different.

Twice divorced by my early 30s. Now 50 and single for donkey's years. I have around 20 friends plus acquaintances, all single or widowed apart from one whose husband has dementia.

Nearly 30 years and we are doing OK
Wouldn't want to be with anyone else...the same in my extended family too

Well of course if the question is when did you realise your mistake only those who did will reply.
My husband and I had a pretty good marriage (he died just before our seventh anniversary). Met him when I was 39 first marriage gif me second gif him. After our second child I gave up work.
I knew he had a stressful very time consuming career, which I think was instrumental in the breakdown of his first marriage as they met as students.
We worked as a team. We trusted each other. We wanted the best for each other and our family. We knew what battles to fight and when to let go. We allowed each other separate interests and friends and the time to do/see them. We discussed big decisions and expenditures. He never questioned what I spent money on when he became the sole breadwinner. He welcomed my family and happily cooked a roast Sunday lunch most weeks for them.
It was tragic when he died suddenly and I miss him every day. I have not found anyone else since (13 years now), and I'm fine with that.
If he was alive I hope we would still be together but who knows? Friends say I speak of him with such love when they often say they could take or leave their husbands, but I remind them it's a different stage those first seven years than after 30. But I'd like to think we would now be planning on more travel and couple time as the kids begin to leave home and he would have soon be retiring from full time work.

Been together 12 years, married 7. 3 kids, one of whom has multiple health issues and had several surgeries so has been quite stressful, about 5 house moves still going strong as a team. I mean, we are not perfect and he irritates me daily (as I’m sure I do him) but we still love each other and happy to be together.

They do and the best way to get them is to discuss things before you settle down with someone.

The amount of people who only find out their husband can't wash a dish after they marry them.

As if compatibility is not important.

I’m in a very happy marriage. Been together 15 years now and he’s the love of my life. He shows me daily that he cherishes me, values me, respects me as an equal and doesn’t take me for granted. I couldn’t have wished for a better man.

It’s my second marriage, though.

I’m in a happy functioning marriage! We’ve been together since 2007. Married since 2010. Hasn’t always been perfect, it was a bit shakey at the beginning and we’ve worked on our relationship but we’re really happy! He’s my best friend and the love of my life.

I posted on the "how long..." thread about my first marriage.

My second marriage is both very happy and very functional. Together nearly 15 years now, married for 8 years this summer. Looking forward to retirement together and even to some aspects of old age. It's much easier second time round when you are older and wiser and have a better understanding of what lie is really like.

I am. We've been together around 18 years, through family bereavements, children and other upheavals. He is kind, respectful and supportive. Which isn't to say that we don't sometimes get on each other's nerves. But overall things are good.

My first marriage was dreadful, but I think it was partly because I assumed married couples are always more or less miserable.

OP is right to ask this question to suss out what hope there is.

I posted my own train-wreck story on that thread about regretting marriage. Happy to report that things are very different with DH#2. He and I are so uniquely compatible that we both know (and often say) "If not you, then no one."

It did, however, take me a long time working through crappy relationships of all kinds, and then spending several years alone, before I met him and achieved this. I might have managed it sooner if I'd realised you don't have to settle for less, it is possible to meet the right person, the one who really gets you, and it's worth waiting for.

I used to think people were exaggerating, or blatantly lying, when they said they got on well with their DP/DH!

Yes very happy. Friends the same.
Married for 21 years this year but together 9 years before we even got engaged. I wanted to be as absolutely sure as I could that it was right.
We had very little help raising our DC and I feel that 'teamwork' saw us through.

Married 42 years, had a vow renewal even though according to mumsnet wisdom that means he has been cheating even ( he hasn’t neither have I ) and we’re about to split up!!! Happy most of the time had our moments, but would be strange after all that time if we hadn’t. We’re together 5 years before we married, didn’t want anyone today we rushed into anything lol . My parents were married for 61 years separated y the death of my mum. So, hope this gives you some cheer