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Relationships

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Original poster

Please tell me that good funcional marriages do exist

71 replies

katepilar · 29/05/2022 17:00

Kind of shocked by reading all the stories on "How soon after your marriage did you realise 'this was a mistake'?" thread.

I would like to hear the good stories. They dont need to be stories, really, just say that you are in a happy marriage and funcional family if you are.

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 29/05/2022 21:50

Together 34 years, married 32 this summer. It's a good, happy, supportive, mutually respectful relationship.

stanfi · 29/05/2022 22:04

We've been together 17 years.
I feel very fortunate to have met such a good man.

Devotedcatslave · 29/05/2022 22:08

Married almost 18 years, still haven't decided it was a mistake yet.

TheSunIsStillShining · 29/05/2022 23:11

define functional :) I'd say ours is a functional, balanced and good relationship for 26 years now. From the outside:
I travel a lot, sometimes 2-3 weeks away at a time. I have left my H and son for 6 months to establish our life in the UK.
We have separate circle of friends. Some friends we have never even met, but most are known to both of us.
we never did anything like date night on purpose
we had holidays separate (one on hols with kid and other working usually, so not holiday for both of us in diff places)
both of us wfh (H for 7 years now, me for 3) so we are together all day, every day. And yet have not killed each other, don't want to get a divorce... :)
(We do take our cars for a drive every few days for an hour or so to be perfectly alone, I admit.)
we still make each other laugh very often, even though we know each other's views on almost all topics by heart we can still have debates, discussions and hear each other out.
For us this is normal and a happy way to live. He has his loved stability and I get to travel (for work mostly) as I need to without pressure to "be home". Probably others would not be happy living like this.

Iloveychildrenandmydoggie · 29/05/2022 23:22

Am in my late 50s myself and friends have been married for 25-30 .You really cannot know about someone else’s marriage.Ignore FB and Instagram…it’s so ridiculous!

Shakeupandwakeup · 29/05/2022 23:26

I'm in one. It has had its rocky and very rocky moments over the years but the vast majority of the time it has been stable, happy and functional. We like, love and respect each other. We enjoy each other's company. We have lots of shared interests and similar sense of humour.

DH has always made me feel sexy even when I put on a stack of weight, and then when I lost it again. These days he does his fair share of all cooking, housework, shopping, gardening, life admin but it took a bit of training and me just downing tools.

We've been together 27 years. I got home the other day from a very stressful time away, to a big bunch of flowers, a bag of my favourite sweets, dinner on the table.

We have fun together, make each other laugh, get excited by what fun we'll have at the weekend together or where we'll go on holiday.

It's not perfect but it is happy and stable and we are better off together than apart.

larkstar · 29/05/2022 23:37

Got together at 12 - still together at 60 - it's not a common situation in my experience but I always stress - the duration, the numbers actually means far less than you might imagine - we have to work at it - in fact - one of the most interesting points in Hannah Fry's TED talk on the Mathematics of Love

comes quite late on when she says that "low tolerance thresholds" - yes "low!" were actually a reliable positive indicator for longevity in a relationship - my way of rephrasing that is it's like the captain of a ship making lots of course corrections to keep the ship on the right path - that resonates with me - we don't bottle things up - we say what's on our mind and if we have to say it regularly then - so be it - your partner has to be in the picture and have a clear idea of what's not working for the other person - so having this honesty - even thought it might seem tedious and like nit-picking - isn't as destructive as leaving things unsaid, bottling things up and letting issues spiral out of control - that seems to be what this low tolerance threshold stops from happening - it's not for the faint hearted though IMHO!

Fenella123 · 29/05/2022 23:41

Very happy. But both of us come from families with shedloads of divorces so I do know where you're coming from, OP! My DH's parents didn't row, and loved each other so his experience helped counterbalance the influence of all the ... less happy ... partnerships around us.

What's really good to see is that our family and friends are now all in happy relationships, where they are in relationships. And that includes a lot of people who married the wrong people to start with.
So partly it's working out who to settle down with, and partly it's working out how to get on harmoniously with your other half.

Dodie66 · 29/05/2022 23:48

Been celebrating 50 years on a good marriage today 🙂

HappydaysArehere · 29/05/2022 23:48

Been married for almost 62 years. During that time I could have easily murdered him but also loved him. As the years went on our love deepened and is now at a point where we don’t want to live any longer than the other. Prince Philip mentioned tolerance as necessary in their long marriage - apparently the queen has it in spades. I would second that statement

wonderstuff · 29/05/2022 23:50

Happily married for 20 years. We’re nice to each other, appreciate each other, neither of us like drama. Secrets to a happy marriage right there.

godmum56 · 29/05/2022 23:51

I had 37 wonderful married years until my husband died. I miss him every day.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 29/05/2022 23:58

We are. We've been together 20 years and married for 8 months. 1 9yo DD. I can't imagine being with anyone else.

theemmadilemma · 30/05/2022 08:23

We've been together 8 years, and are only now marrying, mainly to make things easier legally since our wills already leave to each other and we own a house together. I'm pretty sure this one will last the distance. It's solid, we keep our separate interests and enjoy time together. He's the first person I've actually missed when he wasn't around.

BellaTelly · 30/05/2022 08:28

In “real life” I only know a couple of people whose marriages have imploded in spectacular style (one friend caught her H in bed with someone else, one where the woman turned out to be a gold digger and one where the wife was just dreadful & it was obvious the marriage was a mistake from day 1).

most of the married people I know seem normal and happy, although obviously you never quite know what happens behind closed doors

Helenloveslee4eva · 30/05/2022 08:31

32yrs this year. Together 5yrs before that.
ok we aren’t “ on fire “ and it’s not a thrill a minute , but it’s just quietly lovely , happy , and I always feel loved.

notlongtoo · 30/05/2022 10:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

FawnDrenched · 30/05/2022 11:18

After 40+ years I could not imagine life without him. Every single day he supports me and he has given me so much strength and confidence throughout my life. I never seem to have any stress or anxiety as I know there is not a problem that he cannot solve. I hope I go first because life without him would be no life at all.

Sunnygirl1 · 30/05/2022 11:21

I hope we are making our marriage happy for 17 years.

One year at a time :). It took me some gradual work over 12 years and setting boundaries to improve it.

myuterusistryingtokillme · 30/05/2022 11:31

Very happy here too! We are partners, we both do our fair share, there is no jealousy or insecurity, we both have plenty of time to see friends but enjoy spending time together.

Of course we bicker and argue occasionally but there is never any shouting/swearing/name calling. We both have our flaws, we can both be a bit knobby at times, we piss each other off occasionally and we all have bad days but we will admit when we are wrong and apologise (no sulking in this house)

It's basically a happy, healthy, grown up relationship. I feel so sorry for the people on here that have got stuck with an overgrown sulky teenager, it must be hell

Triffid1 · 30/05/2022 11:48

Definitely functional over here. Not without its challenges but a shared commitment to work through it, mutual respect and a genuine desire to make the other person's life better and easier have seen us through some tough times.

We went to our neighbour's 50th wedding anniversary party. He stood up and made a speech which he opened with, "Having been happily married for 50 years, I think I can share some tips. My top tip for men is - do your share of the household chores!" He said lots of other things but I did chuckle at that because I do think it's true - resentment is so often around household tasks and responsibilities and nothing kills a relationship like resentment (any relationship - romantic, sibling, work.... they all suffer if there's resentment).

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