Husband and cocaine

[Ems11]

Looking for advice. Me and my husband have been together since we are teenagers, 4 children we had what I thought was a happy marriage other than one thing..cocaine.
When we got together as teenagers I was completely against drugs didn’t even smoke still don’t but I knew he dabbled. We had a conversation at 18 that if he was going to use recreationally it would go no further and he promised he wouldn’t, that was the 1st promise he broke.
Over the years on occasions I have found out he has been taking cocaine on nights out etc. He said he thought he was doing no harm all his friends do the same but assured me over and over it wouldn’t happen again, it has.
Things came to a head a few weeks ago, I had to go away from work and when I came home he just looked weird I just had an instinct he’d done it again and when I pressed him he admitted it. Told him the marriage was over, he cried said he was suicidal promised he’d get help. He went to a counsellor, gave up alcohol for a few weeks and tried to convince me to give it another go. Other than this big elephant in the room I felt we had a good marriage. While he was grovelling he said he would forgo a golfing holiday he had coming up with his friends to prove to me he was passed it all.
Once he got me back on side the little hints started dropping in about how he worked hard, needed the break, he wouldn’t touch a thing, he’d it all under control. He went, he guilted me into it. He is doing a drug test when he gets back he said.
Another condition we had was I would be able to contact him at all times, he promised I would. Well he’s there now and I can’t get him, he calls maybe once a day but that’s it. My anxiety is through the roof as I’m terrified he’s going to relapse and I know for sure I’ll walk then. He assured me call me anytime and u will know all is good. The last 2 days his phone is either off or ringing out. I’m fuming he is putting me through this. He keeps saying ah it’s dead or I left it in the room charging, my drug test will be clear that’s all u have to worry about.

He just never ever seems to stick to his word and the trust is gone. I don’t know what way to be when he is back as I’m so annoyed and upset.

Don't you dare call us naive. You are utterly deluded.

Does it actually affect you OP? I wouldn't mind occasional recreational drug use so long as it never interfered with our life / kids. E.g. while on this mini break, so long as he's not on a come down when he returns they affects you / kids, does it really matter?

I do understand the lies are bad.

You don't care that kids die as part of the drugs trade?

Because that's not interfering with your kids' lives right? Just other people's kids.

People like you disgust me.

I would put money on when he gets back him trying to guilt you into not testing him because “you clearly don’t trust him and he’s trying so hard, you should have faith in him” which is code for I hope you won’t ask me to do this.

There are no kids involved?

Tell that to the Colombian kids. Or do Latin American kids not count?

Oh god talk about OTT - in that case I could say “You wear clothes manufactured in India? Don’t you know children are exploited to make those?! People like you disgust me”

OP was talking about her other half’s cocaine use- not about where it comes from.
if drugs were legalised (as I think they should be) then that wouldn’t even be an issue anyway.

The problem is, OP doesn’t agree with the occasional usage of coke- I don’t see anything wrong with a bit of it every now and again on a night out personally- but if it’s a dealbreaker for her and he doesn’t really want to stop then they’re going to have to sit down and decide if they can continue

You are downplaying paying for children to be skinned alive while their parents watch.

if drugs were legalised (as I think they should be) then that wouldn’t even be an issue anyway.

🤣

Enough said

Christ. What a fucking low bar.

How u getting on op x

Some women might think this is ok, but it's fine if it's not ok with you @Ems11 .
You're not mental for not liking the idea of your partner taking them.

Drugs are what first landed me in hospital with my bipolar (and that was just pot/skunk) so I'm really anti- them.

He's lying about the phone and probably taking drugs BTW. Maybe ones that won't show up on a test.

I would suggest binning this druggie/cokehead.

@Ems11 In your first post , when you went away for work — was he in charge of all 4 kids? If so, I’d have kicked him out at that point.
He’s setting a terrible example to your children.
He’s irresponsible.
He lies.
He’s using you as an enabler. You supply the nice home, the nice family, a great front for a drug addict.
His behaviour is making you anxious.
How many more reasons do you need to kick him out?

Just a little update.
So he’s home, did a drug test and it was clear. Think he thought all would be rosey after that. I was pissed off he didn’t keep in touch more often so we argued about that as we had discussed this before he left.
I think if anything things are worse now. I have turned into a paranoid mess. We are arguing and the children know there is something up.
The kids are siding with him though even though he’s caused this. He had cocaine in my home where his children were yet I’m the bad one for arguing about it.Some of the kids are teens so know what’s going on.

I was trying to accuse him of being with other women as if he’s lied about the cocaine for so long I feel he’d lie about anything.
I hate who I have become in all of this and want to run away 😥

@Maytodecember yes he was looking after time while I was gone.

@Itstimetoquit not good just posted above.

Some posters here are either using cocaine themselves and trying to justify it or just deluded/ naive. Living with a cocaine user is hell, they lie, they are unreliable, they spend far more money than they admit to on the drug, they live on an emotional roller coaster. This all makes family life very difficult. My experience was the same as yours OP, my ex-husband was lovely when he wasn’t doing drugs or drinking, but life was absolutely dreadful when he was, even when nothing was happening, just the dread of it going wrong was a huge black cloud over daily life. It took me many years to realise the extent of his using, and then a long while after that to understand that nothing was going to change. Good luck OP, things may work out for you and him, but peace only came back into my life after I had left him.

You can't trust him so you you will always feel like this. Time to move on

Leave the idiot.

Order a mouth salvia one from Amazon aswell he's not answering his phone because he's busy doing drugs please don't believe him .

Who TF names 'there self' Momznetadmin ?

@me4real can someone fill me in, what was deleted by as Admin?

@Ems11 There was a poster with that name who was obviously being a wind up merchant on the site (assumedly, by their name.)

They were saying things like 'let the guy have a sniff of coke' and calling other posters names.

You haven’t left him yet, so he knows you won’t, and if you do he’ll threaten suicide and you’ll come back. And repeat. And repeat……..