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Original poster

Husband and cocaine

98 replies

Ems11 · 28/05/2022 14:23

Looking for advice. Me and my husband have been together since we are teenagers, 4 children we had what I thought was a happy marriage other than one thing..cocaine.
When we got together as teenagers I was completely against drugs didn’t even smoke still don’t but I knew he dabbled. We had a conversation at 18 that if he was going to use recreationally it would go no further and he promised he wouldn’t, that was the 1st promise he broke.
Over the years on occasions I have found out he has been taking cocaine on nights out etc. He said he thought he was doing no harm all his friends do the same but assured me over and over it wouldn’t happen again, it has.
Things came to a head a few weeks ago, I had to go away from work and when I came home he just looked weird I just had an instinct he’d done it again and when I pressed him he admitted it. Told him the marriage was over, he cried said he was suicidal promised he’d get help. He went to a counsellor, gave up alcohol for a few weeks and tried to convince me to give it another go. Other than this big elephant in the room I felt we had a good marriage. While he was grovelling he said he would forgo a golfing holiday he had coming up with his friends to prove to me he was passed it all.
Once he got me back on side the little hints started dropping in about how he worked hard, needed the break, he wouldn’t touch a thing, he’d it all under control. He went, he guilted me into it. He is doing a drug test when he gets back he said.
Another condition we had was I would be able to contact him at all times, he promised I would. Well he’s there now and I can’t get him, he calls maybe once a day but that’s it. My anxiety is through the roof as I’m terrified he’s going to relapse and I know for sure I’ll walk then. He assured me call me anytime and u will know all is good. The last 2 days his phone is either off or ringing out. I’m fuming he is putting me through this. He keeps saying ah it’s dead or I left it in the room charging, my drug test will be clear that’s all u have to worry about.

He just never ever seems to stick to his word and the trust is gone. I don’t know what way to be when he is back as I’m so annoyed and upset.

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 28/05/2022 16:02

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 15:56

I feel you, my partner is on everything he can get his hands on. However I love him so much and he’s never committed a crime or done anything nasty and he’s the loveliest guy who loves me wholeheartedly so for me it’s worth it to be with him.

Well possession is a crime technically and he's funding the below, so...

A common feature in county lines drug supply is the exploitation of young and vulnerable people. The dealers will frequently target children and adults - often with mental health or addiction problems - to act as drug runners or move cash so they can stay under the radar of law enforcement.
In some cases the dealers will take over a local property, normally belonging to a vulnerable person, and use it to operate their criminal activity from. This is known as cuckooing.
People exploited in this way will quite often be exposed to physical, mental and sexual abuse, and in some instances will be trafficked to areas a long way from home as part of the network's drug dealing business.
As we have seen in child sexual exploitation, children often don't see themselves as victims or realise they have been groomed to get involved in criminality. So it's important that we all play our part to understand county lines and speak out if we have concerns.

Itstimetoquit · 28/05/2022 16:29

I was testing my partner and they were negative,then I found out he had purchased same tests and had his sister do them and kept them in his wallet x

Moodycow78 · 28/05/2022 16:34

I have teenage children who I am trying to set a good example to.

Having a partner you need to drug test and be in contact with at all times isn't doing that hon xx

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 28/05/2022 16:34

Fluffyowl00 · 28/05/2022 14:41

How often does he do it? If everything else is great on your relationship and it’s a once in a while thing, is it really that terrible?

It is. It funds the torture and murder of thousands of men, women and children where it’s produced, and funds serious criminality throughout the supply chain.

Have a look at some of the videos of cartel members skinning people alive or killing children in front of their parents if you aren’t clear on where the harm is.

wellhelloitsme · 28/05/2022 16:34

@Justkidding55

When you read about county lines (below) do you still think your partner who takes 'whatever he can get his hands on' isn't doing something nasty?

I hope there aren't kids involved in this dynamic where he abuses drugs and you call him lovely.

Also possession is a crime.

A common feature in county lines drug supply is the exploitation of young and vulnerable people. The dealers will frequently target children and adults - often with mental health or addiction problems - to act as drug runners or move cash so they can stay under the radar of law enforcement.

In some cases the dealers will take over a local property, normally belonging to a vulnerable person, and use it to operate their criminal activity from. This is known as cuckooing.

People exploited in this way will quite often be exposed to physical, mental and sexual abuse, and in some instances will be trafficked to areas a long way from home as part of the network's drug dealing business.

As we have seen in child sexual exploitation, children often don't see themselves as victims or realise they have been groomed to get involved in criminality. So it's important that we all play our part to understand county lines and speak out if we have concerns.

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 28/05/2022 16:37

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 15:56

I feel you, my partner is on everything he can get his hands on. However I love him so much and he’s never committed a crime or done anything nasty and he’s the loveliest guy who loves me wholeheartedly so for me it’s worth it to be with him.

How’s he obtaining and taking the drugs without committing any crimes? He’s never in possession? He never drives with it in his system?

He’s funding appalling crimes through his addictions.

Acheyknees · 28/05/2022 16:42

Does he expect you to keep his cocaine use a secret from the kids? Or is he upfront about it with them? If he hasn't told them how does he feel about them knowing?

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 16:48

girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 15:57

If he's on a range of drugs he's committing crimes.

Show quote history

No he’s not. Unless obviously having the stuff in his pocket. He doesn’t rob people or steal

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 28/05/2022 16:50

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 16:48

No he’s not. Unless obviously having the stuff in his pocket. He doesn’t rob people or steal

Show quote history

Possession is a crime. You know this, so why be so disingenuous?

girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 16:53

@Justkidding55 oh as long as he's only committing SOME crimes...

wellhelloitsme · 28/05/2022 16:56

wellhelloitsme · 28/05/2022 16:34

@Justkidding55

When you read about county lines (below) do you still think your partner who takes 'whatever he can get his hands on' isn't doing something nasty?

I hope there aren't kids involved in this dynamic where he abuses drugs and you call him lovely.

Also possession is a crime.

A common feature in county lines drug supply is the exploitation of young and vulnerable people. The dealers will frequently target children and adults - often with mental health or addiction problems - to act as drug runners or move cash so they can stay under the radar of law enforcement.

In some cases the dealers will take over a local property, normally belonging to a vulnerable person, and use it to operate their criminal activity from. This is known as cuckooing.

People exploited in this way will quite often be exposed to physical, mental and sexual abuse, and in some instances will be trafficked to areas a long way from home as part of the network's drug dealing business.

As we have seen in child sexual exploitation, children often don't see themselves as victims or realise they have been groomed to get involved in criminality. So it's important that we all play our part to understand county lines and speak out if we have concerns.

Thoughts on this @Justkidding55?

Not so nice a lifestyle really is it?

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 17:01

There’s no kids involved no. Yes I know he’s not allowed to have them and that’s a crime but he’s a victim himself and is addicted. No point having a go at me it is what it is and it’s very naive of you all to see the issue as so black and white. Addicts exist.

wellhelloitsme · 28/05/2022 17:04

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 17:01

There’s no kids involved no. Yes I know he’s not allowed to have them and that’s a crime but he’s a victim himself and is addicted. No point having a go at me it is what it is and it’s very naive of you all to see the issue as so black and white. Addicts exist.

There are kids involved in the supply chain of 'whatever he can get his hands on'. And other vulnerable people.

There is no such thing as a victimless drugs supply chain. It's not possible.

I really hope there aren't kids involved in your situation 😞

girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 17:04

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 17:01

There’s no kids involved no. Yes I know he’s not allowed to have them and that’s a crime but he’s a victim himself and is addicted. No point having a go at me it is what it is and it’s very naive of you all to see the issue as so black and white. Addicts exist.

Addicts exist and I don't blame him for that. But none of us can claim they're not committing a crime - even if they're victims themselves.

I've been in your shoes. I'm not having a go, but making excuses for him isn't the solution.

I genuinely and honestly hope you're both ok and can get through this. It's bloody hard.

girlmom21 · 28/05/2022 17:05

Sorry @Justkidding55 that comment probably wasn't aimed at me. But you can both through it I promise.

TicTac80 · 28/05/2022 17:07

I split with my now XH because of this (coke and alcoholism). He was/is lovely when sober/straight. He was a monster when he was drunk/high.I suspected he was doing coke but couldn’t prove it. I found out the extent after we separated.

i remember feeling anxious, scared and on “high alert”. All the time. I couldn’t plan anything as I never knew what he was going to be like. He went AWOL so many times. I honestly know how you feel.

i really hope that your DH is staying straight, but listen to your gut. And make sure you make your boundaries clear and stick with them. PM me if you need to. Good luck x

SlightlyGeordieJohn · 28/05/2022 17:09

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 17:01

There’s no kids involved no. Yes I know he’s not allowed to have them and that’s a crime but he’s a victim himself and is addicted. No point having a go at me it is what it is and it’s very naive of you all to see the issue as so black and white. Addicts exist.

Then why the bizarre claim that he was committing no crime?

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 28/05/2022 17:10

Get rid. Honestly, he won’t change. Your kids deserve better. I know we’re all meant to be cool about cocaine for some reason now 🙄 but just no. The stuff changes the brain chemistry, all drugs do. He is unpredictable, unreliable, a liar, and a shit parent for wanting to be this kind of example to four DC who deserve better. What will you do when one of them comes home high on coke and their response is that it’s ok because Dad does it too? Set your bar higher, you deserve more from life than a drug user.

Hintofreality · 28/05/2022 17:16

Put yourself in the position of your children. imagine knowing your Dad is a cokehead, the embarrassment they will feel.
Give him a wake up call and dump his sorry arse. You are just enabling him otherwise.

CPL593H · 28/05/2022 17:16

Justkidding55 · 28/05/2022 17:01

There’s no kids involved no. Yes I know he’s not allowed to have them and that’s a crime but he’s a victim himself and is addicted. No point having a go at me it is what it is and it’s very naive of you all to see the issue as so black and white. Addicts exist.

I don't think the people pointing out the supply chain and the immeasurable (and criminal) damage it causes are the ones being naive here, @Justkidding55

LadyEloise1 · 28/05/2022 17:41

What age are your children @CPL593H ?

How much is he spending on the drugs ?
Sad

kittensinthekitchen · 28/05/2022 17:43

You were away for work a few weeks ago, where were the children? Who was responsible for them?

CPL593H · 28/05/2022 17:51

LadyEloise1 · 28/05/2022 17:41

What age are your children @CPL593H ?

How much is he spending on the drugs ?
Sad

I'm not the OP, that's @Ems11

LadyEloise1 · 28/05/2022 17:55

Ooos apologies. Blush

orwellwasright · 28/05/2022 18:57

Lol at all the cool wives. 'What's the problem?'

I find it staggering that people with their own kids are perfectly happy for someone else's kids to be exploited or killed in gang wars so that they can enjoy their Friday night bender.

Getting out of your skull isn't so much the issue for me, it's the utter criminality and destruction that every single drug user endorses and supports.

How would he feel if his kids were involved in county lines or knivings? Oh that's right, it won't happen to his precious kids will it. Just someone else's.