I actually told him

[VJasper86]

Last night I admitted to my dh that I am not happy in our marriage and am still hurting from when he went too far with a colleague 6 years ago.
I laid it all out. How I was a person I wasn't happy with, how I was still broken from what he did, how he has never actually admitted what happened, how I'm fed up of our relationship being unbalanced with parenting and looking after the home falling much more on me, how I've told him a million times and things don't change, how I don't see him as anything other than a friend right now (likely because of all the above and not necessarily permanent if we do something about it).
I feel a weight off my mind having said it all out loud.
I don't understand his response though.
He giggled, a little chuckle, like "oh, here we go again, she's getting all OTT as usual". He then asked me to send him what I'd said so he could "formulate a reply"
I didn't call him out on the giggle, I'm hoping it was nervousness, and sent him what I'd said.
I've not given him a timescale to think and talk as I guess that in itself will tell me if he wants to put effort in or not.
Just wanted to say out loud.

He's waiting for you to drop it so things can carry on as normal.
He doesn't believe you'll act. Sorry.

Well, as he won't think about it, communicate with you, for whatever his reasons might be, then you can now carry on exactly as you want to without considering him at all.

I get that you needed small steps, and that you probably knew that you were giving him all the decision making responsibilities/control in your relationship. But as he doesn't want that, you can take it all back and get on with a life that is just you and your kids.

Doesn't that feel even a little bit exciting, freeing?

He is trying to sweep it under the carpet. He won't put any effort in to change. He is carrying on as normal and hoping you won't follow through.

I have asked him this evening if he is ready to talk or if he needs more time.
He says he needs more time. Its frustrating as I told him on Wednesday and he has had no comment.
Can you not see that this is just another power play?
He has turned your 'request' (ffs!) to talk into another power play - where YOU have to humbly approach HIM, while he maintains his lordly silence.
You know he doesn't need "time", don't you?

He acts like things are totally normal and I just feel weird and like I want to be able to openly discuss and I'm intrigued to how he is going to play it.
Things are totally normal
They are exactly the same as they have been for the past decade.
You unhappy & overwhelmed, him comfortable & undermining.

I get the "intrigue" OP & that has a small positive to it, in that you are starting to observe the dynamic at some kind of 'remove' ...
... but you are still allowing him to hold all the power.

I don't think you should "ask" him again.
All it will do is allow him to continue his dominance display by dictating to you that he is "not ready" - ie shutting you down again - it is a form of stonewalling & don't tell me you cannot feel how much he enjoys showing you who he thinks is boss with this tactic.
Who needs 'permission' to speak to their own H? Don't fall for this one any more.

As Beancounter rightly observes - he has already given you his answer.
He thinks you will drop this, because he thinks he holds all the cards.
So just bide your time, see a lawyer, & then take your power back.
When you are ready, tell him that you no longer need to discuss it, as his feedback is not required.

Then refuse to discuss.
Tell him he can get his lawyer to talk to yours, as he's had 10 years to sort his shit out, didn't bother, so you are resigning your position as his skivvy, & the divorce is now in hand.

TL:DR
He's still stonewalling, still demonstrating his contempt, & still thinks he's the boss of you. Get the best lawyer you can afford, & take back control.

He acts like things are totally normal and I just feel weird and like I want to be able to openly discuss and I'm intrigued to how he is going to play it.

He's going to try and carry on as normal. He does not care what you feel, he has contempt for you. Please wake up to who he really is.

Read this OP. I think it might ring a bell for you. Good job!

www.drpsychmom.com/2014/08/08/couples-meet-couples-counseling-type-1-mr-perfect-crazy-wife/

Really read that piece. It's very recognisable if you're living with a gaslighter.

Thanks all. I have read that piece and some of it resonates in that I am quite emotional and dh is not, so I do often feel like I am crazy and overreacting.

He isn't a high achieving individual though. He is a bit of a loner, people wouldn't see him as excelling in his job and he's not majorly attractive or well spoken. He struggles with communicating, is quiet, reserved, people would definitely think of him as a "good guy" because he isn't out drinking (he plays dice games with friends online and goes to tournaments with models he builds and paints), he isn't loud or displaying a huge ego.

If anything i probably tick more of the boxes than he does.

We had a big talk last night and I feel no clearer on what I feel I want to do.
Yes, I am not happy and I want to be happy, but the flip side is that I am so empathetic and care about others that the idea of breaking someone's heart and breaking a family feels very traumatic so neither is an easy choice.

I think he understands how hurt I am, and recognises that he fucked up big time. I think the time between the F up and when the ramifications are happening is quite difficult for him to grasp. Like I've buried it for so long because I wasn't strong enough, then he lost his job and became depressed so I pushed it down even more and spent the 18 months after it happened being the lynch pin of our family, keeping us afloat, caring for our daughter, trying to find him a job (which I did, he didn't sort it himself as he was that low) and trying to support his mental state on my own because his parents were useless and had no idea.
I even had to tell them how depressed he was and ask them for support.
It's been 7 years since he cheated and I get that he probably thought that we were through it and it was all in the past so I understand it must be hard for him to see that it isn't.
And he is fearful of being alone (as am I) and not seeing his kids etc. And it makes me feel guilty, because I give a shit about other people's feelings, yet I know that it was his choice to cheat that has led to it.
We have agreed to take a little time to think about what we want and how we get there.
If he wants to stay married then he needs to bring options to the table. I will spend some time thinking what I feel too and then we talk and make a decision.
I've said he should talk to a friend or family member as I think he needs impartial help as to what he wants to say and how he feels as I don't think he knows, and struggles with emotions.

And I am not saying we will stay married, I still don't know what I want and I will spend my time thinking of things and also looking into next steps so I am ready for what comes.
I think the counselling will continue to keep me strong and see that I am worth more.
It feels like the decision to separate would be mine and mine alone, which feels cruel as its another thing on my shoulders, so I have tried to push some of it back to him in that if his attempts to find solutions are minimal then it's become his choice too because he failed to try.

And yes, I know I probably come across as weak and I really do take on board everything you have all said and it is playing a lot in my mind. We've been together for 15 years so there are a lot of memories that I need to work through as it's like I am opening my eyes to things and it takes time to process.