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Original poster

Old, old schoolfriend back in touch...

73 replies

Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 01:06

I can't believe I'm typing this. We were at school together until A levels. Boys weren't really on my radar at that stage & we just saw each other around.

All these years on, nearly 50 years of age, he saw me on social media and texted me. Gave me his number. We had a couple of video calls. Many things in common, I never knew. He's back in our home town. I moved away, got married, had children, divorced. I developed a career, and eerily he is also in the same line of work. I am divorced now. He never married, never had kids.

I'm shocked at the connection. I think he likes me "like that". The texts have been a bit flirty, but we are both shy! He has grown up to be a wonderful man, caring and loving. But am I imagining things? He suggested he drive to see me, and we can have dinner. He rings me nearly every day. It's been about 3 weeks. What if I am imagining things?

Has anyone ever had a thing with a school friend, after many years? It feels a bit strange!

OP posts:
Bunty55 · 23/05/2022 01:10

Yes, I recently reconnected with my best friend from school fifty years ago and we exchange emails. I do not think we will go any further than this.

Mediumred · 23/05/2022 01:13

Not me but a friend has hooked up with an old school pal at about the same age. They were both going through toxic divorces, he had run into her mum and she had told him DF (dear friend) was going through something similar. They were just in touch initially to talk through the divorce process but are now a thing and it’s wonderful, both so happy.

I certainly think it’s worth a dinner date for you! Keep us posted!!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/05/2022 01:13

How exciting! Think it’s safe to say that if he’s ringing you every day he feels pretty strongly about you.
has he said he if he had a secret thing for you at school?

DatingIsDifficult · 23/05/2022 01:15

Go for it. The chance of some happiness is never to be passed up.

Iflyaway · 23/05/2022 01:24

He rings me nearly every day.

This would put me right off, from someone I haven't seen since school days.

Beware OP, he's probably been dumped by the wife/lost his job/at a loose end/fill in what you want.

If you want to reconnect, take it slow. Is he on FB? It's a good way of checking someone out. Photos, posts, etc.

Iflyaway · 23/05/2022 01:28

He never married, never had kids.

Either he's gay or he's looking for a mother figure to take care of him. Could be both.

have gay friends

LauderSyme · 23/05/2022 01:29

He definitely likes you like that.

The exact same scenario occurred with my friend, and she is still with him and has never been happier. Carpe diem!

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2022 02:58

I'd be keeping my eyes wide, wide open if I were you. I'm concerned he's love bombing you or is going to, very soon.

KarenLovesRosario · 23/05/2022 03:10

Completely agree with other posters, please be careful of lovebombing.
We may sound like miserable buggers, I still believe in love, but just try to slow it down a bit.
Oh and I'm a big believer in you can judge someone by their friends, who are his friends?
That aside trust your gut instinct.
Nothing can be lost by meeting in a public place you never know, hope it works out for you.
Please watch for him escalating things quickly though.

Maytodecember · 23/05/2022 08:24

He sounds a bit needy ( phoning every day) but meeting up for dinner can’t do any harm. You can make the choice to see him again, not see him again, be friends etc…

GentlemanJay · 23/05/2022 08:27

Rings you every day? Sounds a little bit intense.

SVRT19674 · 23/05/2022 09:17

My mum got a message from friends reunited from a guy she went out to dance with when she was around 16 in 1960. That was around 2008 and they have been an item since.
Some time before she met up with an ex boyfried of hers through friends reunited but he ghosted her and it became clear why they broke up in about 67.
So one of each.

RitaFaircloughsWig · 23/05/2022 09:20

Never been married 😬 never had to compromise.

Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:20

GentlemanJay · 23/05/2022 08:27

Rings you every day? Sounds a little bit intense.

I know that sounds intense, but it really, really isn't.
He said he doesn't text much, and we had ended up texting back and forth - so now we have a quickish call in the early evenings. We don't discuss particularly intense topics - usually about work as we have so much in common in our field.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:22

RitaFaircloughsWig · 23/05/2022 09:20

Never been married 😬 never had to compromise.

That worries me, too. He seems a very diplomatic individual, I don't think he would have problems. He explained it as the right person not coming along, plus he moved back home to deal with some family problems. The thing that worries me more is that he is between things... between homes, kind of between jobs... his identity isn't as "formed" as mine is. But maybe I am overthinking!

OP posts:
Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:25

KarenLovesRosario · 23/05/2022 03:10

Completely agree with other posters, please be careful of lovebombing.
We may sound like miserable buggers, I still believe in love, but just try to slow it down a bit.
Oh and I'm a big believer in you can judge someone by their friends, who are his friends?
That aside trust your gut instinct.
Nothing can be lost by meeting in a public place you never know, hope it works out for you.
Please watch for him escalating things quickly though.

Thank you. This is absolutely my worry. Is he lovebombing? He seems pretty measured and "sensible", but who knows how these men draw us in? I'm worried he might see me as a meal ticket - in a senior role to his, my own house, my own money, same culture... it would be a handy opportunity for him.

Or am I being cynical? He doesn't provoke any cynicism in me with his behaviours - he is very clear and seems open about things. There is a very nice brotherly-sisterly dynamic going on, which I suppose is part of that schoolfriends thing. I feel like I could sit at the end of his bed and listen to him talk about stuff. He is very attractive, too, but that side is different, and I'm not used to thinking about him in that light!

OP posts:
Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:27

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/05/2022 01:13

How exciting! Think it’s safe to say that if he’s ringing you every day he feels pretty strongly about you.
has he said he if he had a secret thing for you at school?

I do have butterflies! I hope he feels the same. I am warmly attracted to him, if that makes sense. He turned his life around - we both had adversity. Our paths didn't cross so much at school, but he remembers diving in to defend me when some boys got nasty to me, and I remember we played in the same orchestra (hope that's not outing :-D ).

OP posts:
Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:28

Aquamarine1029 · 23/05/2022 02:58

I'd be keeping my eyes wide, wide open if I were you. I'm concerned he's love bombing you or is going to, very soon.

Thank you, this is, indeed, my concern. How do you think that might look? Why would he love bomb me, do you think? I'm trying to keep a step ahead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:32

He rings me nearly every day.
This would put me right off, from someone I haven't seen since school days.
Beware OP, he's probably been dumped by the wife/lost his job/at a loose end/fill in what you want.
If you want to reconnect, take it slow. Is he on FB? It's a good way of checking someone out. Photos, posts, etc.

We have rekindled the friendship and developed it - I guess the phone calls are about that. I don't feel like it's particularly intense. We are both working on similar projects, and it's a bit like a water fountain conversation, with a teeny bit of flirting and many jokes and teases from our schooldays :-D

No, he hasn't been dumped. He hasn't been married but his last long term relationship ended before Covid, at around the same time he changed work. He is home with his mother because his father died quite suddenly and mother got taken ill. He seems extremely caring and nurturing of his family but insightful of that closeness, too, and says he welcomes breaking away in a short time.

Yes, he is on FB and all posts seem fine! His friends are one or two of our old schoolfriends, his family, and a couple of very well established business people. He seems to like normal, slightly geeky things that I do...museums, books, art. It doesn't look like there are any nasty surprises.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:33

SVRT19674 · 23/05/2022 09:17

My mum got a message from friends reunited from a guy she went out to dance with when she was around 16 in 1960. That was around 2008 and they have been an item since.
Some time before she met up with an ex boyfried of hers through friends reunited but he ghosted her and it became clear why they broke up in about 67.
So one of each.

This is so lovely! I've had a few guys get back in touch, too, but they have always been strictly friendships, that spark was not there like it is here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Joyfuldays · 23/05/2022 09:35

Iflyaway · 23/05/2022 01:28

He never married, never had kids.

Either he's gay or he's looking for a mother figure to take care of him. Could be both.

have gay friends

Definitely not gay. We've discussed incidences where sexuality was questioned - not by us but by others. From what he says, it doesn't sound like he is. Mother figure is interesting. His mother is very much on the scene and seems patient, tolerant, and good humoured, but I imagine that those are also the traits he likes in partners.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 23/05/2022 09:40

I think you’re definitely best to actually meet him and get to know him in reality rather than on the internet/phone. You might feel totally different when you meet him. (happened to me years ago!). But keep your sensible head on. Take it slow. Don’t be rushed or swamped. Just because you knew him decades ago doesn’t mean he’s not a stranger, if you know what I mean. But good luck!

billy1966 · 23/05/2022 09:47

OP,

You sound sensible.

Stay sensible.

Be wide awake for any rushing to formalise a relationship and moving in with you "cos it makes more sense".

Keep posting if it suits you.

KarenLovesRosario · 23/05/2022 09:51

Well I don't know what to say about your worry about him seeing you as a meal ticket. There are always things you can put in place in any relationship to safeguard yourself. You said you are from the same culture ?.. Anyway all I can say is watch for red flags..I have very little money, so if someone asked me on a date and I knew they had a lot of money and offered to pay I'd still keep it simple. Mostly because that's who I am

HollowTalk · 23/05/2022 09:57

The thing that worries me more is that he is between things... between homes, kind of between jobs...

Can you explain this? Where's he living? You say he has projects on, but he's between jobs?

This is what would make me wary, tbh. If he's had a professional job and never been married/had kids and he's now 50 or so, why doesn't he have his own home?

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