Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Best response or just block?

98 replies

RosaMoline · 17/05/2022 15:01

Hi all,
bit of background- almost three years ago j met this bloke on a notorious dating site. We met up, and hit it off straightaway. There was an instant attraction & chemistry (or so I thought)
he told me that he’d recently broken up with someone. I just didn’t realise how recent - it had literally been two weeks before, so effectively I was the rebound.
He immediately love bombed me, wanting to see me all the time, go on holiday together, I met his mum and brother. I am a hopeless romantic & was absolutely thrilled and swept off my feet. He was effusive with his compliments and gave me flowers, wined and dined me, lovely days out.
For context, at the time, I was 52 and he was 57. No spring chickens. I really, really liked him. A lot.
He was constantly leaving gushing updates on his Facebook page about his gorgeous new GF.
Six weeks later, one morning he sent me his usual ‘hello gorgeous xx’ text. A few hours went by, he called me & was really cold. He’d literally done a 180 in a matter of hours. It was over, because he wasn’t developing feelings for me & he thought he should have by then. Although it had only been six weeks I was completely blindsided by this. Came from nowhere. I was really upset.
He ended it in person, 2 days later.
I did a bit of social media stalking and it was obvious he was back with the original woman. He wanted to make her jealous - he left his Facebook page open, so she could see his comments about me. It worked & She took the bait. Upon this discovery (there was no doubt. The evidence was overwhelming) I tried to confront him for using me so despicably. His reaction was to block me as he didn’t want to face the truth.
As I said, that was almost three years ago. I got over it, but I’m not proud to admit I social media stalked from time to time out of curiosity. It looked like they moved in together.
I know I shouldn’t be checking, but a few days ago I noticed that he’s cropped her out of his profile pic on Facebook. And selling a load of furniture that looks new.
Lo and behold, this morning I receive this message from him on WhatsApp:

‘Rosa. I’ve been thinking about contacting you for a while now. I’m really sorry about the way I treated you and have no excuses. You can just ignore me and that’s fine. I do think about our time together and wonder how you are ?

I just want to say sorry and I hope you are well.’

Ugh. I always knew this would happen. He’s such a shallow needy twat, who cannot be without someone, so he’s clearly testing the water. I’ve done a lot of work
on myself and boundaries since he did that to me, so I’ve no intention of seeing him. It’s clearly gone tits up with her (again) hence the selling of stuff and the profile pic.
I know that 99% of MN will say, block and delete, but I’m dying to fire off an absolute zinger and tell him exactly what I think of him. If I do reply, I’m going up leave it at least 24 hours. Is it ever justified to have the last word do you think?
Sorry this is so long!
Thank you all in advance xx

OP posts:
Crimeismymiddlename · 17/05/2022 16:08

Ignore and archive the message so when he messages again you won’t see it. Don’t block, that will make you look like you still have feelings for him. Even better if you have not opened the message and saw it all in the preview box-nothing says to someone that they are insignificant than not even opening the message.

RosaMoline · 17/05/2022 16:16

Thanks for everyone’s suggestions so far. Much appreciated. I’m veering towards ignoring but not blocking.
I am also toying with the idea of Facebook messaging the woman just to make her aware that twat is wasting no time and messaging me already. All perfectly civil. Or is that a really bad idea?

OP posts:
altmember · 17/05/2022 16:17

Don't give him the satisfaction of a response. Nothing you can say will irritate him more than being ignored.

Or send him a dick pic. Says 1000 words apparently! 😂

Rubyroseyposey · 17/05/2022 16:19

Completely ignore the little shit

ChristmasFluff · 17/05/2022 16:30

Ignore AND BLOCK.

That sends a powerful message to yourself as much as him, that you are worthy of more than getting involved in his pathetic dramas.

Not blocking him means you leave a crack in the door for him to push on. Hungry dogs push on doors.

The block button was made for people who do not belong in your life. When you don't use it, it's like leaving old crisp packets lying around your house. Messy and you're gonna need to do something about it eventually.

littlegreenheart · 17/05/2022 16:32

I would ignore it. (I'd admittedly be tempted by "Got dumped again, huh? ; )" but really silence is probably best.) Write an angry reply if it makes YOU feel better, but don't send it. I'd not block, but do it if you think you'll have trouble ignoring him. I'd also be tempted to check if he'd sent the messages "receipt requested" or "read requested" and turn those options off on your email program if he did.

You said His reaction was to block me as he didn’t want to face the truth but if you're sure he intentionally became involved with you only to make her jealous, I think you're dealing with someone with no scruples (and possibly no or limited empathy/emotions) and nothing you say will make him reflect. I'd suspect you never knew anything about him, just the lies he told you.

I wouldn't contact her, either - she's apparently dumped him twice; she probably knows what he is.

Bjarnum · 17/05/2022 16:35

I'm sure you will soon find another woman to partially satisfy, but it won't be me

OurChristmasMiracle · 17/05/2022 16:38

I would literally just ignore. I wouldn’t block because then he would think he got under my skin. Literally just archive it and continue on

ZekeZeke · 17/05/2022 16:39

RosaMoline · 17/05/2022 16:16

Thanks for everyone’s suggestions so far. Much appreciated. I’m veering towards ignoring but not blocking.
I am also toying with the idea of Facebook messaging the woman just to make her aware that twat is wasting no time and messaging me already. All perfectly civil. Or is that a really bad idea?

You are giving a 6 week fling 3 years ago too much headspace. Did he have a golden mickey or something?

ElenaSt · 17/05/2022 16:40

Do not contact the woman! Why on earth would you want to make yourself look unhinged?

Either send him an unpleasant message or just ignore.

seensome · 17/05/2022 16:41

I'd be tempted to say, as if I'm still single waiting for when you'll contact me, I'm struggling to remember those good times.. anyway, I've since met a lovely new partner, sorry to hear it didn't work out for you. Block

Bobbins36 · 17/05/2022 16:42

PetersRabbitt · 17/05/2022 15:18

I’d just send laughing emojis so he knows you’ve seen the message and haven’t changed numbers but then block him so he knows you don’t care.

💯 this, let him see that you’ve read it and can’t be arsed to respond. Then have a good old laugh and a glass of something nice to celebrate dodging that bullet.
😘😘

FoiledByTheInsect · 17/05/2022 16:44

Ignore completely, block then get this thread deleted. She has left him as he is a narcissistic twat. Vile of him to dare to reappear in your headspace, after all the work you did on yourself, now he has brought it all up again. Any reply, any reply at all will result in floods of grovelling and love bombing in an attempt to suck you back in 🤮. There is no happy ending with dicks like these.

Cliftontherocks · 17/05/2022 16:44

ElenaSt · 17/05/2022 15:41

Hi XXXX, thank you for the apology, I had trouble remembering you for a moment and then it came back to me. You're the chap with the small penis!

Hope you are well.

Kind regards, Rosa.

Then ignore, don't even bother to block.

This

fedup078 · 17/05/2022 16:45

I bet you're not the only woman he messaged either

DeeCeeCherry · 17/05/2022 16:46

You wont be the only one to have received a message. Narcissists like to keep tabs on their harem so that when one sees sense and drops out, he always has supply.

In your shoes his number would have been gone from my phone ages ago. So I really wouldn't have known who was messaging. Some dickhead you were with for a matter of weeks years ago shouldn't even be taking up headspace, to the point of mulling over whether you should reply to a 10 sevond text, AND going on to create a thread about a fickle middleaged loser who at his grown age cant even settle his life and mind?

Just...No. there are far better things you could be doing. Whatever reply you send is a reaction so why even bother? Delete text, block, move on. Silence is all he deserves.

Go out and enjoy some sunshine.

Cliftontherocks · 17/05/2022 16:47

Actually I think I’d reply

sorry who are you?

if he comes back to you just say

i went out with you for a few dates a few years ago and quite frankly there isn’t much to remember

RosaMoline · 17/05/2022 16:52

Hello again, it was just a fleeting thought to message her. You’re all right, it does sound unhinged.
He blocked me initially on WhatsApp. I did delete his number a few days later, but I know it’s him because of the photo, so I can’t really say ‘sorry, who is this?’

OP posts:
worriedparent12 · 17/05/2022 16:57

ElenaSt · 17/05/2022 15:41

Hi XXXX, thank you for the apology, I had trouble remembering you for a moment and then it came back to me. You're the chap with the small penis!

Hope you are well.

Kind regards, Rosa.

Then ignore, don't even bother to block.

Oh my God I love this reply 🤣🤣🤣

TheWayTheLightFalls · 17/05/2022 16:57

“Ended things with Name huh?”

Block.

cottagegardenflower · 17/05/2022 16:58

He was using you to get back at his ex. Block and delete. Nothing was real it was all for her benefit

KatherineJaneway · 17/05/2022 16:58

"Who dis?"

Block and have a glass of wine to celebrate the bullet dodged 🍷

Happyinheels · 17/05/2022 16:58

I'm with the Ignore crowd. If you respond it opens up the lines of communication. And narcissists are skilled at turning everything around. Before you know it you would be reminiscing about your whirlwind 6 weeks. Then meeting up. I've been in this cycle. It took 3 years for me to completely break freed. Ignore. Stay away from him.

layladomino · 17/05/2022 16:59

I vote for ignoring him completely. Nothing you can say will make him sorry for what he did (if he was truly remoreseful, how come he only decided to say so after his relationship ended? funny that).

Not responding at all sends a stronger message. It says he is irrelevant to you, not worth even a short text.

mcmooberry · 17/05/2022 17:01

SO tempting to send a cutting reply but absolutely and beyond doubt the best message is silence.