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Original poster

AIBU about my partner

81 replies

Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:24

Me and my partner aren't married.

We have been together for 4 years and have a 2 year old son and 3 year old daughter.

We rent but our aim is to buy a house.

The rent, bills, food, car and all outgoings come to about £1500 each per month.

I'm an accountant, he has his own business. To put in perspective, I earn £2200 a month and he makes £8k plus.

So after I've paid my bills etc for the house I may have a couple hundred pound left at the end of the month. I'm unable to save anything.

He had saved £15k in the last 6 months.

His opinion is his money is his and will never be ours and my money is mine so i obv want to save my own money.

He does pay for takeaways, trips when we go out etc for us as a family.

I suggested that he pays an extra £300 a month towards house bills/rent so that I can save a bit too and he said no. It's always half and he isn't going to lose out on money to help me because my finances are nothing to do with him.

He ended up saying that me even asking has put him off me a bit and I'm ungrateful as he pays for other things when we go out.

I almost resent him because of his attitude with money and think he's selfish.

Am I being unreasonable to ask such a question to him or expecting that he should pay more than me?

Thanks

A

OP posts:
donchafeellikecrying · 15/05/2022 18:26

Why did you have children with him? You can't have been together long?

Only4You · 15/05/2022 18:26

You should be paying in proportion of your wages.
Atm he is making money on your back.

tbh as an accountant, you should have sorted that out when you moved together, not after 2 dcs, simply because it’s going to be very hard to make him change.

Original poster
Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:27

@donchafeellikecrying we weren't living together when I had my first and the way he is has only become apparent since we moved in with each other shortly thereafter but I've only just brought it up because it's been secretly bothering me.

OP posts:
AbbieLexie · 15/05/2022 18:28

Who pays for childcare?
I am shocked by how you are being treated. He is treating you with contempt - disdain.

Only4You · 15/05/2022 18:28

Also I’d make sure EVERYTHING comes out of the common pot. By that I mean clothes for the dcs, outings with them etc…

Original poster
Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:29

@AbbieLexie we pay half each for childcare. Can't do it full time because I can't pay the full fee on my wages for the half of a full week so when my children aren't in childcare I look after them at home whilst working from home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:29

@Only4You there is no common pot he won't get a joint account.

OP posts:
Neveranynamesleft · 15/05/2022 18:30

" And will never be ours "

That says it all really. He's saving at your expense.

Only4You · 15/05/2022 18:30

So in the top of it he is stopping you from working full time?!? Earning a pension?!? And simply having a little bit more for yourself?!?

Who does he think he is??

Well I think I know :(:(

ystaberia · 15/05/2022 18:30

Leave and put in a claim for child maintenance. He is not a keeper

Only4You · 15/05/2022 18:31

Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:29

@Only4You there is no common pot he won't get a joint account.

So basically it’s impossible for you to know if you are ACTUALLY paying half and half.

He is taking advantage of you in a very big way.

hattie43 · 15/05/2022 18:31

Hmm that's no basis for a long term relationship, I'd be very wary of being with someone who doesn't share with his family .

Nobody likes tightness and fwiw I would not be with someone like this never mind have children with him

HollowTalk · 15/05/2022 18:31

I'd be out of there and would enjoy contacting the CSA, knowing how much he would hate that. He has no respect for you whatsoever.

Shinyandnew1 · 15/05/2022 18:31

Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:29

@Only4You there is no common pot he won't get a joint account.

Are you the OP?

He’s being really unfair.

Original poster
Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:32

@Only4You oh I work full time but can't have full time childcare so I just look after the children myself whilst working from home the other half of the week.

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/05/2022 18:32

He's absolutely taking the piss OP.

Original poster
Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:33

@Shinyandnew1 yeh sorry I changed my name after I had posted in case this post went viral and the name gave it away 😂😂😂

OP posts:
donchafeellikecrying · 15/05/2022 18:33

And yet you went on to have another child with the man all the while leaving yourself in a vulnerable position?
.
Im the higher earner and I don't supplement my DH income - we split all bills except childcare which are huge 50/50. He has a lot less spending money than me buts that life. I pay all big bills like holidays, repairs, DIY. He has so savings. I do put aside savings but it's for the good of the family ie holidays, big purchase - so it's not totally different to your situation. I wouldn't give my husband money to put in his savings in a million years. But I certainly wouldn't phrase it the way he has to you. What do you actually want the savings for??

Original poster
Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:35

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation yes I think so too and glad others feel that way. Provides me with some reassurance that I'm not being unreasonable. I feel that I know that we won't stay together because the anger and resentment I feel is constant but It breaks my heart for my children. I've done everything to try and keep us together as a family and just feel like this is the last nail in the coffin 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummytomybabies · 15/05/2022 18:36

@donchafeellikecrying I have no savings so I'd like to be able to save a bit of cushion money for when I need it. Or if he left, I have some security.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 15/05/2022 18:37

Fucking hell.

This is awful, OP.

Leave him, claim child maintenance and benefits. You’ll be better off, I’d almost be certain of it. You can’t have a life with someone like that. It is such a fundamental thing. Selfish bastard.

yesthatisdrizzle · 15/05/2022 18:37

If you were married and were buying a house, I'd suggest you leave him and take him to the cleaners.

But since you're not... leave him anyway and make him pay maintenance for the dc.

TheAverageUser · 15/05/2022 18:38

That would really put me off, it's like he has one foot out the door. I used to earn a lot more than my DH and ten years later he's earning a lot more than me. We always share all the money for everything because we have a shared life.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 15/05/2022 18:39

That is because this is the last nail in the coffin. He does not want to share because he is at heart a selfish man who does not want to share. You have also given too much power away in this relationship and he has taken full advantage of this.

Lochjeda · 15/05/2022 18:41

You should go on to entitled to and put in your calculations as if the kids are at nursery full time and as if you are single and see what help you would get and then do child maintenance calculator and see if you'd be any better off on your own. As he sounds like a complete dick.

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