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Original poster

My bf just lied straight to my face

55 replies

cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 19:53

It wasn't anything hugely sinister but I'm shocked at the easy way he could lie and then get defensive as of his behaviour was somewhat acceptable.

He tried to convince me that he's told me something related before .

He walked himself into the truth.

He is not apologetic for disappointing me.
It's not a huge lie, he's trying to protect himself knowing that I am disappointed but still.
Would you dump?

OP posts:
Legselevens · 13/05/2022 19:55

It depends what the lie was about

Summerholidayorcovidagain · 13/05/2022 19:57

Ime a small lie becomes lying regularly... Which becomes a massive deal.
Ended my marriage on a caught out lie. He had become so used to lying and getting away with it he slipped up massively..

LoveSpringDaffs · 13/05/2022 19:57

Would I? Being honest, I don't know, but I know I SHOULD. When you know you can't believe them, life is very difficult, do you really want that??

NamechangeFML · 13/05/2022 19:59

Well no one likes getting caught out
it depends what is was, I suppose
but the fact that youre think "get rid" has obviously set alarm bell off with you ...

carefullycourageous · 13/05/2022 20:00

Context is everything, it is a concern but it depends what the lie was, and whether you have been together long/how much you know about him and trust him in other ways.

Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:06

Ok so he emailed his ex from
Years ago just to tie up a few loose ends . Not sinister. I came up, so did her partner . All innocent . Explained he was happy now with me, work, house move etc.
He lied that he emailed when he said he had e mailed ie the time period .
She told a friend of my sister in passing.
It's over years. It ended acrimoniously. No issue with that.
Issue is that he is lying to my face and tries to convince me he told me that he bumped into her some
Months ago . He didn't . Said she looked miserable so he emailed her , again righting wrongs and tying up loose ends.
Also as a sign off suggested they meet up for coffee if they're around the same village sometime .
This is the woman with whom he shared a highly toxic relationship with for years that he blathered on about for the first few months of our relationship until I shouted stop .
He is now defensive and has lied about it .
No intent but to gaslight me and to suggest a coffee of they were ever on same village .... meh ....

OP posts:
Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:06

No reason not to mistrust him whatsoever otherwise. We are very much together outside of working hours

OP posts:
Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:08

Together two years. I know he adored her until he didn't and was very put out that it ended the way it did . He called it off.

OP posts:
LostSocksBrigade · 13/05/2022 20:09

My boyfriend did the same thing last night and I'm figuring this out too. Like you, nothing sinister, neither of us are even sure why he lied about it because it's literally ridiculous, but he did and immediately tripped himself up. He has form for it, having being caught in quite a few lies when he's talked about his past relationships. Having been in abusive situations I was clear that lying was a boundary for me (before all that, but reiterated after). The difference is that he was genuinely apologetic and really hard on himself and doesn't know why he does it. It's almost like an instinct. For him I think it comes from how he grew up. But even so, he lied again, I feel like he made the decision for us, you know?

What does your gut tell you to do?

SiobhanSharpe · 13/05/2022 20:09

Has his behaviour changed how you think of him? It is was me, the loss of respect would be difficult to deal with unless he has other redeeming qualities. Or perhaps they're the sort of silly lies that everyone knows he tells.
"Oh, XX is just telling his tall tales again," sort of thing.
However, pointless lies may be unimportant in themselves but the cumulative effect can get too nuch for you. And they're still an indication of his character.

Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:10

My gut tells me he is an idiot

OP posts:
Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:10

Ya it's the respect thing. I'm very Icked out right now

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girlmom21 · 13/05/2022 20:11

I wouldn't trust someone who lied about communication with somebody he was head over heels for and devastated when he separated from.

Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:11

I'm just wondering what other lies he has told me straight to my face

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Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:13

@girlmom21 even if it was five years ago? I have firm for losing the head over the most minor things so I know that this is part of it

OP posts:
Overthewine · 13/05/2022 20:21

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ElenaSt · 13/05/2022 20:23

Whenever they mention loose ends or closure it's usually a view to test the waters about rekindling the relationship, in my opinion.

Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:24

Even when he spoke about us being together etc

OP posts:
NamechangeFML · 13/05/2022 20:29

hmmm oh dear.... thats not great is it?

But youve said you go OTT ? How long did you say u have been together?
and its been 5 years? Hmm what on earth loose ends have to be ties up after that amount of time?

layladomino · 13/05/2022 20:43

The fact he's willing and happy to lie to you, and to repeat the lie, and continue to lie when you know he's lying...it means he's happy to lie to you - even if it was over something small (not saying it was on this occasion) - surely that means he's even more likely to lie over something big? If he's willing to lie he's willing to lie, and I don't know how you'd know when to believe him in the future. It would also give me the ick as it's such an immature and stupid response to the situation he got himself in to. Finally, there may be nothing wrong with those messages with his ex - but if that's the case why lie? The lie suggests there's more to it.

carefullycourageous · 13/05/2022 20:44

Oh well that would make me rethink pretty quickly, yes, because he is seeing whether she is still interested.

Rewis · 13/05/2022 20:45

I think with situations like this it's worth considering why the person is lying. Was he worried about how you'd react? Did he felt like he was doing something wrong? Did he just not care and didn't want uou to find out? Rekindling romance?

Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:46

Regardless he knew I'd lose the head for even texting her

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Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2022 20:47

I would get rid of him before he had the chance to turn around. He is fucking you about, and this won't be his first or last lie, I guarantee it.

Original poster
cordialqueenS · 13/05/2022 20:47

He didn't see it as something wrong . He saw it as a quick exchange of righting wrongs

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