Ex has access to my texts

[I0NA]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this thread.

I’ve just found out that my ex can access either my texts or my adult son’s texts or both.

Ex and I split up a year ago and I’ve had my phone for years. Ex gave DS a new phone last Christmas . So I think it’s my phone .

We found out because DS texted me over the weekend to say he’s been head hunted for a new job. He’s not told anyone as he’s not sure if he’s going to accept it. I didn’t tell anyone and there’s no one in my household who has access to my phone.

Ex messaged DS today to congratulate him on new job. When asked how he know , he first of all said that I told him.

Then he made some lame excuse saying what he meant to say was when did you start your current job? That would be the one DS has been in for five years. So completely implausible.

How do I fix this ?

How do I get privacy back on my phone? how is he doing this? They’re both iPhones and Ex doesn’t have access to my iCloud account.

How else could he be doing this? Help!!

Gah what an invasion of privacy! Surely a form of stalking too. I’m not tech savvy so hopefully someone who is will be along to help, but I can access my texts on all devices signed in to my iCloud account. Are you sure he doesn’t have access to that? Could he have guessed the password?

Is your phone in his name ?

He gave DS an new phone? I'd be suspicious of that one, rather than your own phone.

Have a look under settings - click on your iPhone account and it should show what devices are logged in

He may have installed some kind of spyware app on it (does that sound like the kind of thing he would do?).
If so, I think a full system reset of your phone would remove it. A bit of a faff but probably worth doing. If you restore your phone from a saved backup though you will need to select which apps you reinstall as it will probably be a stealth app that is doing it - so you don't want to load it back on.

Yes, this is also very true. Much easier for him to install something that way than trying to get access to yours.

I actually think it is quite unlikely that he can see your texts.

But check what devices are signed into your account: https://support.apple.com/en-gb/HT205064

I would bet that he has installed something on DS phone.

Personally I would give ex phone back, and get DS a new phone.

I think I'd want to investigate this to know for sure. Who could check your devices and find this sort of thing out? Could a private detective do that?

I'd be finding out who can do this and then hire them to do it. If you get proof then straight to the police. That's what my aim would be. Proof to report him to the police.

He could have put a spy app on DS's phone. Or yours if he had access to it at some point. You can't see it and it is usually hidden inside another app that looks completely innocent.

i would take both yours and DS phones to your local tech shop and ask them to check for spyware

Son definitely didn’t post on social media or tell a mutual family member/ friend/ neighbour? This would be my first response

I know he must have access to the texts as there’s no legit way he could have known the info. He can’t have guessed as DS is NOT looking for another job , in fact he’s just been promoted where he is.

I can’t afford to replace Ds phone, it’s a brand new iPhone . Ds thinks it’s just a coincidence - he’s a bit head in the sand about how controlling his father is.

He wants to believe that his father suddenly wants to know the date he started his current job 5 years ago . And by mistake he said “ congratulations on your new job, when do you start? “ . When he meant to say “ What date in 2017 did you start your Current job ? “

For a mysterious reason his father won’t tell him except it’s something to do with the divorce.

I’ve already checked that ex is not logged into devices on my account. I did that when we split up and changed all my passwords.

and I factory reset both my phone and the iPad I’m using to access MN.

Time for a Colleen Rooney Wagatha Christie sting operation, maybe?

No not at all. Son phoned me up angry that I’d told his father . Why would he post on SM when he’s not even decided if he’s accepting the job ? His current employer might find out and his prospective employer would be furious and might withdraw the offer . That would be crazy.

He’s not told anyone in his field, only me . That’s why I know that ex has access.

I’ve suspected in the past but I never had proof. That’s why I reset the devices.

@Lastminpanic but then if that was the case surely the Ex would say "I saw it on DS facebook" not, "OP told me he had a new job. No wait, what I ACTUALLY asked was when DS started his job he's had for 5 years".

Do a factory reset on your son's phone too - it seems like that's more likely to be the culprit, really.

Change your Apple ID Password. If he knows these details he can look at your iMessages. As someone else said . Have a check what devices are logged in using your Apple ID (link was provided earlier)

Why do you think it's your phone and not your ds'? Is it because the phone was still sealed when ds opened it and he set it up himself? Does he reuse passwords, could he have given his dad his Apple ID/password at some point?

I would check again to see who's logged in to your account, and then I'd move off the default Apple messenger for communicating with your ds. It looks as if Signal works both on iPhone and iPad, or you can get WhatsApp on both devices as well. I would also turn on two-factor authentication.

You could advise your ds to do the same, but I guess it's up to him - he's obviously mid-twenties at least if he's been working for 5 years? You could suggest he also has a look to see who's logged in with his Apple ID, he might be surprised.

A factory reset won’t do you any good. You need to check the Apple ID section in your settings. At the bottom it will tell you if any other devices are logged into your account and you can disable them. If there are any, change your password as well.

I have my account logged in on our iPad so my other half, who is tech averse, can see messages from our daughter. You’d never know it was logged in without checking in settings.

You say he was head hunted did it not cross your mind he could have put him forward

The phones are linked through the apple id so he will get yours or your sons messages to his phone and also see the replies to the conversation. I had this when my Husband changed his phone to an iPhone and used my apple ID so we could share photos and music. He came in moaning that all my shite waffling with friends was going to his phone lol. Exact words were you all can talk some shite!
You need to go into message settings and remove him, his email will be their or phone number. Was it a back door upgrade where the sim cards were swapped and your ex got a new phone and DS got the old one? Either way get him off or take it to apple or your service provider store and they will help you. Xxx

He’s not logged into any of my accounts.
He doesn’t know my password.
Theres no family sharing on anything.
When we split I set up a new email address and new accounts and passwords on everything .

Someone already asked this, but was your sons new phone still in the cellophane wrapping when he gave it to him?

Because if not, it’s far more likely that your Ex has access to your sons phone rather than yours.

Apple just show you how to factory reset the phone and download everything again from your ICloud account.