Ex has access to my texts

[I0NA]

Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this thread.

I’ve just found out that my ex can access either my texts or my adult son’s texts or both.

Ex and I split up a year ago and I’ve had my phone for years. Ex gave DS a new phone last Christmas . So I think it’s my phone .

We found out because DS texted me over the weekend to say he’s been head hunted for a new job. He’s not told anyone as he’s not sure if he’s going to accept it. I didn’t tell anyone and there’s no one in my household who has access to my phone.

Ex messaged DS today to congratulate him on new job. When asked how he know , he first of all said that I told him.

Then he made some lame excuse saying what he meant to say was when did you start your current job? That would be the one DS has been in for five years. So completely implausible.

How do I fix this ?

How do I get privacy back on my phone? how is he doing this? They’re both iPhones and Ex doesn’t have access to my iCloud account.

How else could he be doing this? Help!!

what about your ds’s phone?

It's pretty obvious that whatever he's doing, he's doing it via your son's phone. Because you are texting your son, he is seeing those messages. Were you on WhatsApp?

Did you have a discussing about it in person/phone while in the house?

I found out after a year of trying to work out how my ex h seemed to know random things that he'd hidden spy cameras in my house when I wasn't home.

Why would it cross my mind when my ex and my son work in totally different fields??? 😂😂😂😂

So can an engineer in the oil and gas industry in Norway phone up an advertising company in London and say “ Hire my son the advertising executive, he’s great “ .

Is that how headhunting works ?

(Fictitious jobs BTW)

I think I’d take both phones to a registered apple place (genius bar or whatever they call it) and ask they be checked for Spyware

What were you texting him on? iMessage? The only way he would be able to see your texts is if he was logged into you iCloud or Apple ID, there is literally no other way as two sims can't be active with the same number at the same time.

No it was all by text. DS lives hundreds of miles away and I’ve not seen him in person since he got the offer. Not talked on the phone about it.

that’s scary about the camera and I wouldn’t put it past my ex. How did you find out @boymum9 ?

@DontTripPoppy spyware is a good thought actually, although, if both phone we're put back to the factory setting it's unlikely I think.

It's pretty obvious it's your son's phone and not yours OP. The ex gave him it. It's 1+1! Take it to a phone shop.

DV organisations such as Women's Aid have sophistication advice about this sort of thing. Look on their website. There are also stalking charities who could help.

Thanks @BoredatHome321 i didn’t know that. Just texting in the phone , Is that iMessages? They are blue now he has an iPhone too.

DS Just told me the phone was opened when it dad gave it to him, he assumed it was second hand . Not an issue in itself .

Ex set up my phone too. But I’ve factory reset it . I thought that was ok.

but a PP said that if it’s spyware then I will have just downloaded it from the cloud again with all the other apps.

a reset might not get rid. I would imagining a half decent spyware would be able to hide itself somehow. Given a reset is the first thing something will try if they suspect.

@I0NA I came home from a weekend away with dc and there was a spy camera instruction manual on my bedroom floor that he'd left after going in to update the wifi settings on it after I'd changed the Wi-Fi password! I obviously then called him to come over and show me where it was. It had been there over a year

Thanks @JanglyBeads , I’ll check that out.

The only way he would be able to see your texts is if he was logged into you iCloud or Apple ID

OR with a keylogger. In which case, he’d then also have all the logins and passwords used on that phone.

@I0NA yeah, if it is blue that would be iMessage. So, other than spyware, which he would have to be pretty intelligent in that sort of area to download and bypass apple's security, it would probably be the AppleID.

If these are all iPhones, it’s highly unlikely to be spyware unless your ExH is very technically competent, verging on a spook

The apple App Store won’t allow any sort of dodgy apps to appear, and it’s almost impossible to run spyware on an iOS operating system

its much more likely that he has an iPad or other phone signed into your son’s Apple ID and therefore all the messages come through on it

The easiest thing would be to switch away from iMessage and use Whatsapp to message each other

The only way to ‘hack’ whatsapp is to use the desktop version, and if you do that, you get a notification through your phone to say the desktop version is running off the number, plus it periodically logs you out and you have to use the phone to put it back onto a desktop

Take your phone to a phone shop. They’ll check it thoroughly for you. Perhaps your son would do the same?

To check for spy cameras ( just in case info is useful to anyone) Make rooms as dark as possible. Use torch on phone and shine it over every surface, in, on, behind clocks, ornaments, in light fittings, extractor fans, everywhere. If it shows up a red or blue light that could be a camera. ( Found this info when friend suspected ex had hidden cameras in her house)

Thank you @SW1amp . Ex knows a lot more that me about technical issues but that’s not saying much . I’d not describe him as an IT expert - he’s not got the patience.

DS and I could easily use only what’s app. ATM he switches between snap chat, what’s app, Facebook message, phone and text to contact me. It’s a bit random. I assume it’s whatever he last used when talking to his mates.

Last time we had a similar info leak I thought it must be a camera in the house, as it was after a phone call. Searched and found nothing.

And before anyone asks, no it’s not paranoia if someone is actually trying to control you.

@I0NA in terms of searching for a camera, if you're still worried (obviously been there and know the feeling of being controlled and someone knowing things about things you can't work out how) think outside the box in terms of where one could be, me and multiple other people helped me search for a camera for months because I had suspicions, I never found anything, and I wouldn't have unless he'd carelessly left that instruction manual. Where it was was actually screwed in behind a fire surround, I'd never have found it.

This happened to me!!! My ex read my imessages which were linked to my son's ipad (I was completely unaware of this). Although he didn't pretend he hadn't read them, he openly admitted it. I was so angry. You don't think its anything to do with him having access to your icloud?

So the phone was unwrapped when your ds got it. Fairly obvious that his dad has accessed it, probably set up his Apple account for him in advance?

Your ds should change his password but you definitely need to stop using the default Messenger service. The fact that the messages are blue means you're communicating via Apple's messaging service and any message sent can be read by any other device logged in to the Apple account.

No Ds has his own apple account which isn’t shared with anyone.

im going to use what’s app now as you suggest, thanks @tribpot

If you contact Apple directly they can do diagnostics on devices to check for skyware.. you will need the security for each AppleID account. If your sons phone is one of the latest models they can auto track spyware.