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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex has access to my texts

71 replies

I0NA · 09/05/2022 16:46

Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this thread.

I’ve just found out that my ex can access either my texts or my adult son’s texts or both.

Ex and I split up a year ago and I’ve had my phone for years. Ex gave DS a new phone last Christmas . So I think it’s my phone .

We found out because DS texted me over the weekend to say he’s been head hunted for a new job. He’s not told anyone as he’s not sure if he’s going to accept it. I didn’t tell anyone and there’s no one in my household who has access to my phone.

Ex messaged DS today to congratulate him on new job. When asked how he know , he first of all said that I told him.

Then he made some lame excuse saying what he meant to say was when did you start your current job? That would be the one DS has been in for five years. So completely implausible.

How do I fix this ?

How do I get privacy back on my phone? how is he doing this? They’re both iPhones and Ex doesn’t have access to my iCloud account.

How else could he be doing this? Help!!

OP posts:

MzHz · 09/05/2022 19:59

But if he’s cloned the phone, he’ll see that too.

investigate via womens aid and see what that says then speak to Apple/your provider

MzHz · 09/05/2022 20:02

I just googled how to clone a phone and an app came up to achieve everything you suspected your ex of

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 09/05/2022 20:09

Does your son know his father has been spying on him for the past year? I would make sure he does, he has a right to know who he can trust.

Original poster

I0NA · 09/05/2022 20:15

YY sons phone is a new model, mine is old. I suspect ex knows we are onto him anyway after my text convo with DS.

Ex really is a piece of work. He sometimes stalks me here on Mn which is why I NC all the time. He even got his family members to post on one of my threads until I started talking about how bad he was in bed 😂😂😂😂😂.

Although it was in fact true. That won’t surprise any women who have been with selfish controlling men, they are always selfish in bed as well. And brief. Very brief.

OP posts:

Original poster

I0NA · 09/05/2022 20:20

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 09/05/2022 20:09

Does your son know his father has been spying on him for the past year? I would make sure he does, he has a right to know who he can trust.

Son is in denial. Is telling me it’s a coincidence and I’m imagining it. Except he’s the one who would be imagining it , not me 😕

If ex is spying it didn’t start a year ago when we split . He used to spy on my emails - I set a trap and he fell into it.

I got a new email and a new device. But I didn’t think he could link into my new device if he’s not linked to my iCloud account. I have a very secure password.

OP posts:

SW1amp · 09/05/2022 20:38

MzHz · 09/05/2022 20:02

I just googled how to clone a phone and an app came up to achieve everything you suspected your ex of

I bet it’s not available for iPhones though…
apple are very tight on things like that

daretodenim · 09/05/2022 20:58

WhatsApp isn't secure. My friend's ex had the code of her WhatsApp and used it to install her WhatsApp on his iPad. He read and listened to our extensive, very personal voice messages for over a year. Makes me shudder. Also had a tracker on her car.

So basically you do need to set up some kind of sting operation to see if he's reading your messages. Different types on different channels and see which ones he notices.

However, while totally possible he's monitoring your phone, the most likely would be DS. If strange things have been happening longer than the new phone though, sad to say your phone is likely compromised too.

SW1amp · 09/05/2022 21:31

@daretodenim

its never been possible to install whatsapp on an iPad

you Can open a browser on an iPad and use the desktop site but for several years, whatsapp has had a feature where it pushes a notification to your phone to say a desktop version is in use
and now you can only access the desktop version by using your phone, so there is no way of using ‘a code’
it must have been a long time ago that happened?

BoredatHome321 · 09/05/2022 21:35

@SW1amp I don't think people realise how good security is on Apple devices. People are talking as if it is the easiest thing ever to install spyware etc..

PeekAtYou · 09/05/2022 21:35

What has your son done with his old phone?

Has he wiped the data from it ?

The simplest answer is your son is logged into one of your ex's devices so his texts are syncing that way.

clippety clop · 09/05/2022 22:05

I'd ring the police and explain and say you think you are being stalked, track et etc and ex has access to yours and or your sons phone. It's a criminal offence!

Onlinemum22 · 10/05/2022 10:08

Could your ex have been referring to his recent promotion?

Original poster

I0NA · 10/05/2022 21:43

Hi everyone, Id like to thank you all for your input. To update you - we have found the leak and are taking steps to address it. I hope you will understand that I don’t want to post exactly what it was, but it was one of the methods mentioned on this thread.

DS was disbelieving at first but now we have incontrovertible proof he is devastated that his father has been spying on him ( or rather me through my communications with my son).

We also have a good idea of when this started and can see that there’s been a lot of planning and preparation from ex. We are taking advice on whether or not it’s a police matter but I suspect not.

Sadly it’s just another nail in the coffin of the relationship between ex and his children. I can’t tell you how much I wish I had chosen a better father for them 😥😥. He really is an awful person.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 10/05/2022 21:44

I hope your son is ok once he gets his head around it all.

HollowTalk · 10/05/2022 22:00

I would definitely go to the police about this. It's stalking.

MzHz · 10/05/2022 22:14

Time will pass and he’ll recover, he has you and that’s enough

this will bring you and him closer

tribpot · 10/05/2022 22:18

Very sad for your ds to find out what his father is capable of. But I'm glad you now know the truth and can take action.

vipersnest1 · 10/05/2022 22:32

That's so sad for your DS. I think I know how he did it, but won't post it. It's the ultimate betrayal for your son.
I'm divorced and have always used the philosophy that I wouldn't bad-mouth my ex to my DCs as I knew he'd eventually show them who he is (and he has).
Your boy will need your support in the coming days, but be careful that you are neutral about his father. He won't want to hear what a terrible person his father is, although you could reflect that back to him if he brings it up - along the lines of 'you're right, he shouldn't have done that' or similar.

PeekAtYou · 10/05/2022 22:35

I'm very sorry for your ds.

I'm divorced too and my kids realising that their dad wasn't who they thought has been difficult for me to see too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/05/2022 22:54

Sorry to hear your thoughts have been confirmed

I would contact the police or ask apple /phone company 02 etx what they advise

Addicted2LuvIsland · 10/05/2022 23:08

The texts may be going to his apple computer. You'll have to unlink them

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