Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Am I too controlling?

78 replies

Tinkerbell2022 · 08/05/2022 18:05

Hi, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and had a lumpectomy and radiotherapy in 2020. I have suffered with depression amongst other things. I have always been embarrassed over my extremely small breasts and now one is deformed. My husband and I watch TV separately (we don't like the same things) and I found out that he had been watching a series that was described by others as 'full of sex' I asked him please not to watch things that were full of sex, as I felt very insecure about me and how I look and didn't want him to see women with lovely breasts etc (unavoidable in most programmes I know) but I said, things 'full' of sex, were avoidable. Must stress, it wasn't Porn. He said he wasn't a kid and that I'm not his mother trying to censor what he watches. I feel hurt that he wasn't even willing to make a compromise and says I'm in the wrong for trying to control him. Am I?

OP posts:
Trevone · 15/05/2022 23:00

When I married my second wife four years ago I used to dress in hoodies etc, I’ve got to the point now where I don’t want to wear branded stuff anymore and am happily wearing Collered shirts and jeans, shoes not trainers etc - just more traditional.
My wife hates my new style and tells me this every day, on top of this I’ve just got some prescription glasses and she told me that I look ridiculous and I should of consulted her before choosing them. The problem in all this is that I’m genuinely happy with how I look, but she makes me feel terrible, she is saying that I don’t listen to her etc and is giving me the cold shoulder.
I’m also regularly criticised for eating too loudly (never had an issue here ever).
Is this controlling behaviour? Am I in the wrong?
I was controlled in my first marriage of 18 years, no access to money etc and she is saying because I was controlled before I’m not caring about her opinions on my tastes now……I’ve been so happy until recently but now I feel just awful.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 16/05/2022 06:49

Trevone · 15/05/2022 23:00

When I married my second wife four years ago I used to dress in hoodies etc, I’ve got to the point now where I don’t want to wear branded stuff anymore and am happily wearing Collered shirts and jeans, shoes not trainers etc - just more traditional.
My wife hates my new style and tells me this every day, on top of this I’ve just got some prescription glasses and she told me that I look ridiculous and I should of consulted her before choosing them. The problem in all this is that I’m genuinely happy with how I look, but she makes me feel terrible, she is saying that I don’t listen to her etc and is giving me the cold shoulder.
I’m also regularly criticised for eating too loudly (never had an issue here ever).
Is this controlling behaviour? Am I in the wrong?
I was controlled in my first marriage of 18 years, no access to money etc and she is saying because I was controlled before I’m not caring about her opinions on my tastes now……I’ve been so happy until recently but now I feel just awful.

@Trevone this does sound worrying for you. Can you start your own thread so that more people will see it and respond? At present it's just a message tacked on the end of someone else's thread and things have moved on, so it won't get much traffic. Go to the Relationships board and click "+ Add Thread".

LannieDuck · 16/05/2022 09:54

Was it Sex Education? The new Dr Who stars in that.

If it is, there is a lot of sex in it, but it's not porn. It's intended to show sex as an imperfect, messy experience.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page